Class Book_. 'VU l CopyrigiitN0 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. j Dog Fennel the Orient By CHARLES C. cTHOORE, X. D. D. Editor of The Blue Grass Blade, and Author of The Rational View and of Behind the Bars, 31498 "Coelum, non animum, mutant qui trans mare currunt. ' ' LEXINGTON, KY.: JAMES E. HUGHES, Publisher THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 1 wo Copies Receive*) AUG 22 1903 CopyngM Entry SAi. >qo5 LASS XXc.No copy a. Copyrighted, 1903, by Charles C. Moore and James E. Hughes. IS AFFECTIONATELY AND RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED TO MY WIFE MY CHILDREN, MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND MY GRANDSON ALSO TO ALL FRIENDS OF MYSELF AND OF MY PAPER AND TO ALL MY FELLOW TOURISTS ON THE MOLTKE ON HER CRUISE TO THE ORIENT FIAT JUSTICIA COELUM RUAT Dog Fennel in the Orient CHAPTEE I. It was my good fortune to be a passenger on the steamer Moltke when it sailed from New York City, on February 5, 1903, bound for the Orient and having in its itinerary all the points of greatest interest, on and near to, the coasts each side of the Mediterranean, as far North as the Black Sea, and as far South as Luxor, Assouan' Karnak and Thebes on the Nile, and "doing," more thoroughly than any other part, perhaps, Palestine; called by literary license, the Holy Land, though were I a strict constructionist as a historian I would suggest that such calling, in these days, whatever may be true of the past, is a misnomer. The Moltke, named, of course, for the hero of the Franco-Prus- sian war, is a twin screw steamer. The Germans call it Doppel- schraubendamfer, for short. The Moltke belongs to the Hamburg-American line and its crew of 381 people, all told, are all Germans, and from its Captain, Dempwolf, clear down to its smallest boy, they were as fine a com- bination of fitnesses for their respective positions as I ever saw in any department of life. The Captain, "forty years old next June" is, like the boy who stood on the burning deck, "A creature of heroic blood And born to rule the storm." He is a typical Teuton and most gracefully blends with the dignity and severities of his office the genial amenities and generos- ities of the private gentleman. The whole cruise was under the management of Thomas Cook and Son, and we called ourselves "Cookies." I think I utter the almost universal sentiment of the Cookies on this cruise, of whom 228 were females, ranging from little tots of the feminine persuasion up to one lady of 78 summers— it is not fair to give names and ages of ladies— when I say that the Cook's Tour Company not only did us justice according to the letter and spirit of their contract with us, but that from their various offices that are found in nearly all fine cities, the head one being in London, and from their agents who traveled with us, the principal ones being 6 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT. the bond/' 1 Wn,p nTiri Verv fast ship, is not the The Moltke, though a ven ^a»d very ^ ^ largest or the fastest, hut rt s saidjy ! Cooks, and I suppose just to be to mo ^ h Statistics are generally propeny traveling with us, ture but as all of our readers axe the time, 0n board this tour. ^ inathematmal data about the ship. I hope I wall be aliowe ftp deep floating home m which we aie t aboard 0f The Moltke was thirtee »™onths o ^ ^ ^ as I it Tf the ordinary land-lubber, born tar m t<> ^ was, could have seen ^ tons upon tons ol teel rf tQ into the composition of the. Molfe, **mt ^ ^ the tops of its masts, as; they la ynr *™ p . might naturally have thought of the lines. "Poor old Bobinson Crusoe. What ever induced you to do so ;. Go build you a boat That von couldn't make float. You funny old Bobinson Crusoe. The Moltke cost $1,50.000 J* 5,5 fee t l^^feet broad and 45 feet deep. It a da, was 396 miles, is 403 miles a day Onr greates t ^ ^ m h Our average was f ^f"* ^eek the ship moved so smoothly On an average of six dais m a »« ™ 1 t ^ climng and so qnietly that as we sat m were not at anchor table, it was scarcely P^^S^hoW built at some fash- in some placid harbor or m mm etega thoroughly ionahle resort some where by tl « ^ ^ k hotel in that gotten my "sea legs' and go t bad. ^ kerned to me to rock power of its engines is 10,000 «m n allowed to go down ^XaSrt hiS and brought smt for damages cl^ani that I was going to write a book about DOG FENNEL IN THE OEIENT. 7 the cruise and asked, as a special favor, that I might, therefore, be permitted to go down and see the machinery. He said that he must not be known in the matter, but said I could ask the head engineer about it. I told the head engineer what the Captain had said. The head engineer was very kind to me, made me promise that, in case of any accident to myself, I would claim no damage from the ship, provided me with a kind and polite guide who gave me some nice ravel ings from woolen cloth with which to hold onto the polished steel railings of the stiarways, so that I would not get my hands greased^ showed me that it was safer to go down the stairs backward, and then carefully conducted me through the four stories that were occupied by the ship's engines. The most astonishing parts of the machinery were the two shafts that turn the screws that propel the ship. Each of these shafts is 216 feet long and seventeen and one- half inches in diameter. Each is polished as bright as, and turns as smoothly as, any part of a fine new sewing machine, though so great is their weight that water is kept constantly falling on them at the several journals that support them, to keep them from heat- ing, though, of course, the finest of lubricants are also used. These immense shafts must, of course, pass through the rear of the hull of the ship so as to be water tight, even at the great pressure which their depth in the water puts upon them. The screws, as they are technically called, are two heavy steel wheels, nineteen and one-half feet each, in diameter. Each has four wings that set at an angle of 45 degrees, like the old style wind mills that we all see in the pict- ures, and that we on the Moltke saw, in various places, in reality, and from the rapid turning of these — I am sorry that I failed to ask the number of revolutions per minute — the ship is driven forward, or by reversing these the ship is backed, the rudder being, of course, used in either event. The engines that drive these screws are so independent that in case one was entirely disabled, the ship could still run with the other. Our entire itinerary was 13,665 miles of which fully 10,000 miles was done by the ship and yet during all this time, there was not, in all the thousands of tons of this complicated machinery even a slipped cog in any of its thousands of wheels, or a quarter of a second of any hesitancy in any part to do its full duty, any more than would every wheel in the clocks on the national observatories at Greenwich and Washington. And this is true though some times we were in pretty rough seas, sometimes in the fog, or in the dark or going in between dangerous islands just to see them. So great was the confidence of the Cookies in the gallant ship that when, on the return route, we were passing, in the night, be- tween Scylla and Charybdis, the proverbs of all that is dangerous 8 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT io negators. U» ^ of «aeh specially ^A^e Cfe"d rfin^ow hue* with the flags o electricity and Chinese lanrems „ t fte muslc 0f a all nations, "tipping the light ™b^a oliriouSly, splendid hand of ^1^% ^ ^ a^Js S0; ae'cked in the rrss! s^Hr.'fe ass si-ssi wst^a •«■» — " „bl, »rp™.a to M tar t«P«f "^fji Jm up to tl« Io, regulated by some of the sixt} great diameter flaring oftk, ship, ft. tog..t Iras »™th« . «l «* >» « out lite tte » * X „,,e5 ky 4. motio» of can » .dj™ « *■ «*cl» StoTS^S, to* from the from any one all the money ^emrg ^ engers, danger they were men who would bU ™e f the life boatS. especially 7^,^^^^* °f m6' °Q *? T" I was not afraid of their gettmg an t Qut of a eral principle in economics that blood -J***™ g turni bnt neither theyjaor my gmj ^^/^ was receive any money for what the? naa snow > h t in an nothing in their manner or as heroically hour of danger they would not d^eharge ^« £reatest in. as any others of the crew of the ship ^ fn disaster3 stances of heroism hare ta ; *p Capto^ ^ ^ S 3T3SJ SS'St.'S'.tet. o, m. «~ Napoleon and Wellington are forgotten. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 9 Among the places for guests of the steamer were two elegant dining rooms, a social hall or parlor, .there being among these three pianos, grill rooms, writing rooms and elegant bath rooms, and state rooms. My first state room was No. 540, and I suppose there were 600 state rooms. The more prominent of these were handsomely decor- ated with paintings on the walls, and with beautiful carvings in wood, on the ceilings and in other prominent places. All of these were handsomely lighted with electricity in highly ornamental glass globes, there being of these electric lights probably as many as 1,000 in the whole ship. There was a very complete gymnasium, the machinery of which was all operated by electricity." There was a library and a post-office, and all mail for passengers oh the ship was forwarded by railway or by ships that were not stopping on their routes as we were. The most popular place during the day and pretty far into each night, was the main deck, to walk around which nine times was a mile. I estimate that all the walking that I did around this deck, and on other decks amounted to 300 miles, but I do not claim that the Cooks owe me any rebate for the part of the itinerarv that I walked. Nearly everybody had steamer chairs that cost $2 extra for the round trip and the attendance of the deck stewards that went with them. I had no deck chair, though my sister had kindly loaned me her steamer rug before I left home, I did not hire a deck chair partly because I was quite limited in my means and partly because I thought it best to keep up my habits as a farmer by walking a great deal. I was never sick during the whole voyage "for a single minute except about a week, all told, of seasickness and a chronic case of home-sickness. When the two combined against me I was very uncomfortable. The balance of the time the "tour was one of almost perpetual physical and mental exhilaration. I slept as soundly and ate with as keen an appetite as a typical farmer boy, though I tried, all the time, to be philosophical in my eating and sleeping and exercising. I had probably less money than anybody else on the ship. This was for the double reason that I did not have the money to spare from the comforts of my family and partly because I wanted to show to those who might read my book how little money was abso- lutely necessary to take one on the cruise to the Orient. My regular fare on the ship was $300, and beside this I paid $10 for a special trip from Jerusalem and $5 for the special trip up the Volcano Vesuvius. I had only $18 when I left New York. On the route there 10 DOG FEXXEL EN THE ORIENT $'2 f°r S ^XTa^ 31498 I o-ot liack to *w York with myWa ticket that I had got- *" ^fflSSSg. taS Sottas in finance w^at obligation because it is to employes of partes or you have already paid m your contract with ,he «^ of the Cookies said, "when we are ' ^ m«v them, even m the case of t ich peop e ^ ,..„.,, ,.,„„, consideration— xf, indeed people e^el t especially to America. J who Jj*"^ people in sling's done just inth e rate ^ JSS Wtt. tips to domestics is ^^S, a|d that, as a finan- beggars of «J> -do ^ ^entertainers of the travel- S ffitf^dfl**^ of tips front their patrons m8 certlinly a glaring ^tWg%£g?J££g> tS&SSS ^es^onghC k^he. front beg- cannot enjoy, It was th ait t ^der these cvrcmn- DOG EEXXEL IX THE OKIEXT 11 had as many friends, in the opinion of several who thus expressed themselves, as any man on the steamer. The rates for passage ranged all the way from $300 up to $2,250, the only difference in advantages to the passengers being that those who paid the high prices got the finest and most desirable state rooms, and that the dining room of ' those who paid the highest fares was handsomer than the other. All other things were the same. And yet the dining hall of those who paid the lower passage rate was quite handsome and their state rooms very neat and com- fortable. On the return trip all but about 150 of us took the option of paying their own expenses across Europe and returning, without other cost than that, on any of the ships of the Hamburg-American line, and we who remained on the Moltke were all given the finest state rooms that had been thus vacated and all changed into the finer dining hall. The table fare, all the time, was very fine, embracing the finest of all fish, meats, vegetables and fruits that I had ever heard of and some that were before unknown to me. , As a sample of the variety and abundance I recall that the menus showed seven varieties of the finest of cheeses, and that we took on at Xew York 1,600 bricks" of ice cream, amounting in weight to five tons. We had ice cream for every dinner, in all conceivable shapes. Some of it was its nat- ural color, and some beautifully colored. Some was in statuettes and other fancy figures, sometimes it was illuminated by wax candles inside that shone through fancy colored material, and some times we had the seeming self-contradiction of baked ice cream, that was hot outside and frozen inside. One day some one was punning upon the masters of the cu- linary art and the name of the managers of our tour, and I quoted, with the approval of those present: "We may live without poetry, music and art ; We may- live without conscience, we may live without heart ; We may live without friends ; we may live without books. But civilized men cannot live without Cooks." Eating on the Moltke, as is true of nearly all other places where the people are able to do so, was done to excess. I think we would nearly all be more comfortable and happier and better if we ate less. We had breakfast at- 7:30 o'clock, lunch at 1 o'clock and dinner at 7 o'clock p. m., and there were bouillon and tea and coffee and crackers and cakes served on the decks at 10 a. m. and at 1 p. m. Everything was served in courses, and we occupied more than an hour at dinner. 18 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT There was a complete printing office on board and, in this each day th menu cards were printed. The first page wonld contain a picture in colors, of the next place we were going to stop, or it that was too far ahead, a picture of some ball that we were to have on tiie deck or of the people talking and amnsmg themselves m the var ions ways that they did on ship-board. _ The extraordinary low price for the tonr that I got and of which many others who were apparently rich people availed them. S£ wa^precedented, and it remains to be seen whether or not he public can get the advantage of these m coming years. I ladv on board, who had taken seven of these tours old me that then-she took the one, last year, the very lowest rate that was offered bv anv company was $1,000. The' Cooks have been engaged in this touring business tor M r^^r^s sets sz^fisz TL7£^Mi ^Cl^ party almost as large as nrs started out on this same cruise only ^ays af ter u . H -i • ' r. \n ^rav;Q Thprpsa was larger and taster man ourb, uui wa. other. Some of them subscribed for this book. Clark in order to get patronage, dropped his lowest price* LiarK, in uiucj. & r f> T1 n00vs cannot, under the back of an ostrich, donkey or man. tm d wn nV-es an^t remains to he seen what they will do While I eel most kindly toward the Cooks, I cannot with V JSk say-Damn the people," ^J^^g* £ the lamented Artemus Ward was wont to say. 1 Hope « « the Crnsades did It s tne omy ^wd maintam a Pani Our object in this book is to understand all the details of this particular tour, as far as you can do that, through my eyes and ears BOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 13 and pen. and therefore I will tell you of the had as well as the good on the voyage. 8 I was seasick, and I think, just like evervbodv else that ever had a good case of that miserable malady that I had the worst case oi it oi any man who was ever born, and I use the word man as em- bracing woman. W \ hp wSSeCl thG °C?an S00n after our Clvil ™> Parted, on foot, to Palestine as you know, or will know, if vou have read, or w, read, behind he Bars ; 31498,- and at that time I had suffered greatly from seasickness In arranging for this trip, therefore, my good wife and I had carefully studied all the preventives of seasick- ness, real, or alleged, and I did my best to carry them into effect But we had not been one hour out of the harbor of Xew York be- fore 1 saw that I was again a doomed man. Life, to me lias beer, he proverbial "checkered scene,- and those who know of "ow that I have gone through some things that gave me the right to be pretty miserable. I am not, . constitutionally, one of those people who are never happy unless they are miserable, but I do not pretend that I am happy if I am not so, and I believe that in my seasickness on the Moltke, I was as intensely uncomfortable as I ever was in m? Me- Everybody belonging to the crew that had. in any way ' 0t™J, rif°rt jllSt aS kind t0 me as eonkl be, and tbP Z i f +°l^e paSSen-ers that were ^ ^ick, as is generally the case, all that had any opportunity to be kind to me were so and 1 had heard, a thousand times, and had personally known that the finest constitutions were those that were most seasick, and that "a spell of seasickness is worth more than a course of medicine,- and ail that, but T was intensely miserable, ail the same I have philosophized much about seasickness and I think I am the highest living authority upon that subject. I have added a laro-e personal experience to the teachings of the most learned therapeuts upon that subject and, for fitting pecuniary consideration, mv ser- vices, under this head, are offered to getters-up of first class encyclo- pedias. When a man is drunk— so I have been told ; T am a Prohi- bitionist—and he walks along a solid pavement it seems to come up to meet him, and he vomits. I am sorry to use that word, but it is the most decent of all its synonyms. When these conditions are reversed and a man, duly sober, walks along a deck of the finest Kentucky walnut and the deck really does come up to meet him the sober man, on the really rising deck, vomits exactly like the drunken man on the apparently rising pavement. Among the homeopathists there is a principle expressed by the words similia similibus curantur/' This double backaction simi- larity between seasickness and what the newspaper reporter* call "a DOG KENNEL IN THE OBIENT I have, up to tins date, tormu ed to bea fo f party who feels hrmself, 01 W me> on the most availa- bleJess by getting -on ^'^Tte would suggest, as the means ble liquor ; and loy alt, to mj. whigky. of the lonesome aforesaid, the oesi , • and, m some m- I know, from large ^^^^on Kentucky whisky are ,tance, women-who have ^J^°e ttat the most hopeless t^r^fw^d £ the second case of seasickness their chronological o^^^Xthat line into this one con- I will put the whole of my «^ t0 read about it may skip the neetion. so that people who do n ot hke ^ ^ j hope they whole subject in one literarY tastes. . _ , mar find more congenial t ■ thet hte ^ ^ f ^ ' While I was trying to grow ^ Madam Belaud ertv on Bedloe's I^^fwdTeeh one. seemed to me to begin Rested that much x^ustice W beeii c , ^ t to totter upon her ^ff^g^o the sea if the "coppers" MSffiE ftSr-* that 1 had hung „ my state room. _ Hamburg-American docks, whence ' The Hudson river, at the H amhurg ^ b j we started, only a lew hours before j» fuU ol ^ ^ knew every turn of our P«*^™ f the change in climate could dimes that we were to w,1^ " first get out of my not lie so sudden as to me^en unbutton my vest and stall overcoat while I was on dej and th^ ^ .f utjl. have. in my ^f'/,8* steam for the ship. ize(L could have helped qo uge m m trying to I finally said to myself that tneie seasick. bo I make a fool of myself by pretending^ that I« b and SSJa with myself ^ auydhtng - *e ^ drinks that I had stored away m the ^stEmceS; probablj DOG FEXXEL IX THE ORIEXT 15 walk, that is used in the pictures of Xoah's flood to represent light- ning, I went up to the railing of the ship, stuck my head overboard and, at one heave, disposed of what seemed to be an unusuallv laro-e and variously assorted breakfast. For about a half minute I fell some better, though, even in that cold, air, the sweat was so thick on my bifocal glasses that I could not see clown to the water. In that half minute of suspension of business I determined to get into some position where I would not make such a public ex- posure of myself, and avoiding the proper route through the steamer and out onto the more retired deck that I wanted to gain I half walked and half tumbled down a stairway that is primarily in- tended for the use of sailors, and I started across that deck which was very nice, and afterward proved very popular when we got into warm climates, and. the awnings were put up, to gain the railing 0f the steamer and access to the open sea in case of renewed hostili- ties between my stomach and myself, but it seemed to me that cliv- ers and sundry other breakfasts, dinners and suppers for a week past, with intermittent lunches and all the quaint fruits that I had been sampling during my stay of several days in Xew York all seemed to -consider that writs of ejectment had been served upon them, and that, without further contest, they demanded the right to vacate the premises, immediately, if not sooner, and before I was tairly on the way to the railing I was vomiting with the most reck- less disregard of all proprieties, over everything, or anybody that came within ten feet of me to the windward, equaled by noth- ing m the annals of history that I had ever read of, or seen, except the whale m his unpleasantness with Jonah, in which I think the whale was seasick, and by Vesuvius which, at that time, I had never seen. I was willing to be reasonable and call it square and quit at that when I was assured that I had thrown up everything that I had been responsible for being in my stomach for the last month but 1 was reckoning without my host. I am a regular college graduate and have a large collection of sheepskins certifying to my learning m Latin that I could not read when I got them and all of which fortunately, were burned up when my house did so that I could not' through them, expose my ignorance to my children. But I stood well m physiology and thought I knew the names of all the fluids that could come out of the human stomach. I recognized a number ot these by name and description as I poured liberal samples of them just any where that the wind and their various gravities located them on floors, chairs, donkey engines, monkey engines ropes, chains, tarpaulins, sailors, stewards, Cookies, all .with that 16 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT utter abandon and disregard of expenses shown by tbe skunk when - %*?S5XoV£ £ ^ent bay-^dow on b"lv \nd t td bo^'e that I had ever known in my gomg on sixtv- but ^St^. -re thoroughly m^thy .th t^tnost SS^St — to ebmb tbe * stantial railing aronnd the deck and -Let the ocean's wave be my winding sheet, With the mermaids watching oer me. not know eertatnly th« 01 th ufust dayor tw ^ ^ ^ clothes or evennxj shoes, 1 lemem and had explained to ^f\lS^lSd mlfa See sweetened drink out ited £ mucW a^e ing loosed the wrapper on tt, because , when I was ^ ^ ffi n°T ^ TT^X^XTJii head of my bed without any pay. |)r. T. B. Healy, One of my ^ Mass, and who was named Fred H. Langdon, from the other was a nice youiij , mother. both of the mothers fm^^^a^^^ -^exward- as I have being sweet iaxiies ana euuu. ^ myself, tohlyoa, I believe, I was given a fine stete room ( M tmtoudy. and that vottn L-an and s0 nearly dead reason to help me but l ta> u 1 gabject on earth to be DOG- FEKNEL IN THE OKIEXT 17 during those three days, I took any food or water I do not now re- call it, bnt I suppose I took water. After the third day I managed to get out on the main deck and felt that I was getting better, but I was awful weak. I never took but one drink of whisky — except possibly a pint as medicine — in my whole life. That drink was the day I graduated at Bethany College, Yirgina, now West Virginia, in 1858. About the last three months of my college course I kept a keg of fine beer regularly on tap in my room. Vice-President Pendleton did the same in the front hall of his residence which I frequently visited. After I left college I did not drink any liquor of any kind until in 1876, I took one glass of beer with Dr. W. B. Smith, (Ph. D.), now a professor in Toulane University in New Orleans. Then I never took a drink of any kind of liquor until that day I first got out upon the deck of the Moltke ; then I paid ten cents for a glass of beer. It touched the spot, and I felt better. The next day I similarly invested another ten cents. Same pleasing effect; began to feel jolly. Third day another ten cents, another glass, and felt my spirits rising like the spirit in a fine thermometer to the jolly point, and felt that I was well. But, in the meantime, the beer got to be so good to me that on the fourth, fifth and sixth days I- took one glass each simply because it was so good that I wanted it. Then I stopped, and though I was in countries where I could get wine for six cents a bottle, and though wine was offered me, by friends, at table, I have not tasted from that time until now one drop of any kind of liquor — unless I did it by proxy. The Cooks put a bottle of wine in the lunch basket that they provided for each of us, to be used on the railroad as we came back from Grenada to G-ibralta, and without uncorking it I put it in my bag- gage and brought it to my wife. She uncorked it. During seasickness one's olfactories obtain powers of perception impossible of realization by any one not in that condition. Every- thing on earth, sea, or air, has a smell to it and everything vies with every other thing to see how infernally bad it can smell, and it seems to you that some other Pandora has opened, right under your nose, a box of all the worst of all the stenches that the devil ever invented. Of all of these stenches tobacco smoke, to a seasick man is the most diabolical, and I vowed to myself that if ever again I got ac- cess to any printing press I would speak my piece about the tobacco smoking fiend. We afterward saw Etna, Stromboli and Vesuvius, old residents of the highest standing in their respective communi- ties and I commended 'them because they did all of their smoking out of doors. If a man on any decent steamer where there are ladies — who are supposed not to smoke — or even gentlemen who 18 DOG FENNEL M THE OEIEXT do not smoke will insist upon smoking he ought to go overheard o do it and failing to do this of his own free mil and accord, ouZ hv m able-bodied posse of stewards, set apart for that pur- pose to be put overboard! The pursuit of life, hberty and happi- net hnplving the right of locomotion and the right to breathe the S£ted air. is the inalienable right of every freeman and no Zn Ms he r ght, further than the necessities of his life demand, to taint the air8that others have to breathe. The man who has an runa o dablT foul breath is to be pitied, but if a man with such a Wath takes pains to come and blow it in your face you are justly too gnaiit^d insulted, and if you are born in old Kentucky ^ome- borlv mav hear something drop immediately after that man does that but that same man can add to that breath the still worse odor of t*nk nfo d pipe, and walk up to you and blow the combination i2 your ven- nose and throat and you are expected to swallow he insult and the smoke together with an approving ^« that the very best cigar is "fire at one end and fool at the other. i know personally, whereof I depose; I have been there. I suppose they would call it blasphemy. , , These Christians have, hundreds of times, answered me by tell- ing of men who have drank liquor and used tobacco and yet kved to be eighty or ninety years old. I always answer such people by ml too them that Methuselah lived 969 years and never used whisky of tobacco If infidel philosophy tends no more to ^ moralize men Sap Christian philosophy does, to make the change from Christian to infidel is a game that is not worth the candle. The longer I live and the more I know of men the more firmly convinced I am that my father, who died, aged 71 years, was taken all a round the highest type of a man that I ever knew and his only wife war he kind of a woman that kind of a man is apt to marry The onlv thina- that I ever saw in my father that was unworthy of IgentleLan and a philosopher was that he chewed tobacco. I never iTwaTtite natural, therefore, that in my ^ should have begun the use of tobacco, at the age of twenty years, tie »so Ural to me that I never had * moment o the or dmarv experience of the new beginner who takes his firs t lessons to tme wood-shed, if he lives in town, or out behind the stable if he DOG FENNEL IN THE OBIENT 19 lives in the country. For twenty years then I smoked and chewed tobacco, doing both as decently and moderately as it is possible to do anythings that are essentially indecent and immoderate and, therefore, enjoying to the fullest all that there is in tobacco. At that time I concluded to quit, and from that day to his that I am now in my 66th year, no crumb of tobacco, in any shape, even by accident, has ever gone into my mouth, and while I am ashamed that I ever used it I am proud that I had the manhood to quit it. Among the relics of George Washington and of Henry Clay, I have seen two elegant assortments of snuff boxes, and snuffing was once a fad quite as popular as smoking is now. The chewing of tobacco and squirting of its extract is now al- most obsolete except in low society and among some old men. I suppose I saw easily a million people smoking from the time I re- cently left New York until I got back there again, but I do not remember to have seen a single man chewing tobacco. I saw at Cairo and at Nice ladies smoking cigarettes in the parlors of ele- gant hotels. It was very disgusting. The decadence of snuff and chewing tobacco shows it quite pos- sible that, in a few more years, smoking may go the same way. I do not, in what I am here saying, expect to influence' more than one man out of one hundred of those who may read this, but it is for that one man in one hundred that I am working. He will, in the majority of instances, be a young man. Old fools are the greatest fools. I have recently seenj very literally, that "Kome was not built in a clay," but it certainly got there with both feet and they call it "the eternal city." I saw the Egyptian literally "cast- ing his bread upon the waters" with the hope that after many days it would return to him increased many fold. I am willing to do the same in what I say about tobacco. " Some of it will fall by the wayside and be devoured by the fowls of the air. Some will fall in stony places and perish for the want of nourishment, but some will fall into good hearts and healthy brains and when I am dead some body will honor me because I said what I am now saying. I greatly admire Ingersoll and think that, like another Sam- son, he was as strong in his death as he was in his life, but I re- member, with regret, that the last time I saw him he sat smoking the greater part of the time that we talked. I do no believe in any kind of a hell, even of the most revised and up-to-date style, but if it does pan out that I am mistaken about it, I believe that a fearful percentage of those who smoke in this life will smoke in the hereafter. To finish my deposition under the head of seasickness I state as follows: The present Jaffa on the coast of Palestine the sea 20 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT nort for Jerusalem, or rather the nearest to a sea port that Jerusa- ,T,i,o tie pl,«U.„ Simon, 0» to*. » J" ">» Simon and his tannery have, therefore, "Gone glimmering through the dream of things that were, \ school boy's tale, the wonder of an hour. ' „jt b. .Mo » <»"™' a lt Lrf^j „d m get mg 52«gft -&s?6 fiswa s of Jaffa, there lay the sea as gentl 7» W**^ sticking up srs^riTS-Se^sfstti. ...... «.» . asi'MttS- - « 5- *L - ■» - DOG FEXXEL IN THE OEIEXT 21 of the gang stair that the big ship let down for us, and, without any danger, or any trouble, stepped into the small boats and selected seats on Turkish rugs that cost $100 here and about $3 there, I thought how stupid I had been to believe all the sailor lies about the trouble and danger of landing in J affa, and when we had gotten on shore over a water that I could have crossed in a Kentucky river canoe, I felt mad that it had not occurred to me to pull off my shoes and roll up my breeches and wade ashore, the whole three miles from the Moltke. We went on our way rejoicing to Jerusalem and "looked upon the walls of Zion and counted the towers, thereof," as the famous old Brother Thomas Dudley of the Hardshell Baptist persuasion, told us two or three thousand times we ought to do, the only time it ever was my luck to hear his preach. All the time then when we had "done" Jerusalem, or rather after it had "done" us, and we were getting back to Jaffa, to em- bark again, I congratulated myself and everybody around me, about one thousand times, that we had such a beautiful quiet day, and therefore, as I said, that we would go back to the Moltke just as smoothly as we had come out. But when we came in sight' of the sea I know my wife would have been alarmed beyond measure if she could have seen my horrified face. She has become accustomed to me in thirty-eight years that we have been chumming together, but her one experience in matrimony seems to have given her a dread of any second eligibility in that line. For no reason on the earth, or on the sea that I could see, there, in that calm, sunny day, was the sea cutting up an assortment of didoes that would have deterred Dido herself from getting on it — we saw the place where she went over to build Carthage. That sea looked like it was as much as any man's life was worth for anybody to get on it, and my family I had left in no very easy circumstances financially and didn't have any insurance policy on my life. Through a long schooling of years I had trained myself to look death in the face and I had from various sources, especially from irate readers of my newspaper had many and many a close call. I had gotten so that I could look down the muzzle of a big pistol that some other fellow had by the other end of it, with the same sang froid that I could look through an opera glass at a circus, but I had not schooled myself thus to contemplate another turn at sea- sickness. Not only were wife, home and children beckoning me back to America but J erusalem was behind me and I would rather have gotten drowned than go back to that town. So I was one of about fifty who stepped into one of the ten boats, each with its four Arabs as before. We had three miles to 22 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT row and the sea was so against us that it seemed that we did not mL mo than an inch each stroke of the long oars^that bent m r onse to their straining of every muscle m their bodies until the win ran from under their fezes into their eyes. They sang m uniSn with the metric stroke of their oars what seemed to be a hvmn from the Koran, in which I thought I frequently heard the na me of Allah, upon whom they were calling to help them with job, though as oarsmen they perhaps had not their equa s in the world such a party as these Cookies were like angel visit, !n that ther were f ew and far between, and there the resemblance Seemin the meantime the boat we were in was rearing up before arid kickiS np behind like a broncho that even Teddy Eoosevelt could not ride Things looked awful bad and my stomach was beginning fe el xhe same war. I came very near trying to bring a smile to the whitened faces of the passengers, by saying to the Arabs. "Fear not von carrv Caesar," but the Arabs didn't understand any End sh and the classic allusion would have been wasted on hem and it seemed too grim for our environment, and mj aw and 0„ were getting into such a state of collapse that I eonldn t ta k FnS 'h e ther or even American. The other nine boats I could fee' rnootoa in the waves just as ours was. They would climb dear ™ on top of a wave and then plunge down clear out of sight S exactly like they had gone to the bottom. Two of them ere ^ neartv dashed against the rocks that their e,^» ^ The one we were in ran away up on top of a wave and tnen • 7 T ill like n norooise and it hit the water with such a Si at I ££j?«CTT& a rock and thought the water wo Id riU in the next second, and it didn't seem that the whole flo«lk of life boats on the Moltke and all of her life preservers ponld save a sino'le one of us. , , T -,. i I tried hard to make myself believe I was not scared but I did not have the courage to start "Pull for the wanted them to pull from the shore. I was so sick I could hardij stand and vet I did not vomit. When finally, we got to the foot of the long steps that came butlflong as I live I shall never forget that ride, m a small boat, from Jaffa to the Moltke. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 23 There was a woman in the party six feet high who weighed 250 pounds. She was always a good friend to me and was an early subscriber to my book. She had a name almost as long and big as she was. Her dress was so gorgeons that the first time I saw her I was forced to remark that "Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." A New York jeweler, named Weaver, sat next me at table. He called that woman Birdie. In allusion to my being a preacher he called me "Doctor." My hair and beard are really phenomenal, but, all the same I never have them trimmed but once a year, and that is at sheep-shearing time. In the meantime I get to look something like an advertisement for a hair restorative "after using," and I would be valuable as a model to some artist who was getting up a picture of Absalom or Samson, men famous for their hair. Weaver had lived in New York City and had been a patron of every variety of show that was on the road. One day Weaver looked at me and said, "Doctor, you and Birdie could make money in a show." Birdie seemed to think there was something sylph like, or fairly like, in her proportions, and expected to be handed into and out of carriages, boats, and up and down volcanoes and pyramids, and over and under and around all kinds of ruins and prone column? all dilapidated statuary of heroic proportions, and Egyptian mum- mied bulls and crocodiles, and up and down the back of the Sphinx and into, and out of, old tombs and catacombs, and up and down trees that had been planted by Moses before he left Egypt, and over and around miraculous springs that had anciently bursted out of the ground for the especial benefit of some Greek, Roman, Jew, Christian or Mohammedan, who had influence with the manager of the water-works department of the theology in vogue at their re- spective times and places, and these springs had continued to run clean on to this day long after the parties for whom they were called into existence. For instance a spring in Rome that was especially made, by Jupiter, for Castor and Pollux to water their horses at, when they once came down from heaven to spend a day or two doing the town, and if you don't .believe that story you can go to Rome, as we did, and they will show you the spring now. At none of these places did Birdie ever seem to have any im- pression that her avoirdupois and dimensions were aught other than those of a fay, or some kind of a liliputian, and it, not infrequently fell to my lot to help her. I intimated to her two or three times, as delicately as I could, that if she did not get those false concep- tions of her size and weight out of her head some clay something dreadful would befall her. When she got, therefore, to the foot of a4 DOG FENNEL IX THE ORIENT Sit E hi. b» . -iF 'h.< h« J. jJW -J * Urn™ women after that ride from Jaffa, fefl on the deck of the deck without any trouble. That same Jaffa seemed, some how to hare it m for me, and it far. the most learned : man on ^the , boat H ^ ^£ had fa SiTcoS^r^iri „ «he P»« .. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 25 university, the president of Virginia University, and I had told Professor H. of my appreciation of the compliment, for I have a very high regard for the University of Virginia. Prof. H. had, at his own suggestion, introduced himself to me and then introduced his wife and nice young son to me, and I was exceedingly proud of their friendship. They knew some of my intimate friends. An- other bond of union between us was that he had published an edi- tion of the works of Edgar Allen Poe, in thirteen volumes. I great- ly admire, the genius of Poe. Another bond of union between us was that they were radical Southerners. Prof. EL and his wife and son were sitting together in their deck chairs, on a back deck lower than the main one. I was walking with Dr. Gordon W. Lloyd of Detroit, back and forth across the deck. We were to come to Joppa that day and stories about Jonah and the whale were in order. Dr. Lloyd said to me that just before leaving his home he had heard a Presbyterian preacher say, in the pulpit, "I do not believe that the whale appointed Jonah Secretary of the Interior and then ac- cepted his resignation three days afterward." I told Dr. Lloyd that I had heard quite a collection of them on Jonah and the whale but that that was a new one on me. When I got back to where Prof. H. was I told him what Dr. Llyod had said to me. 1 Prof. H's. face turned pale with excitement. He said to me, "I am as well educated as you are. We have just had our breakfast and do not want to be worried with such talk." Mrs. H. then added, "If we cut out such stories as that it will not be long before others will want to cut other parts of the Bible. Poor old Ingersoll did a great deal of harm, but he has repented, long ago, in sack-cloth and ashes." I said, "Madam, I knew Col. Ingersoll. He loved his family and they loved him ; the highest test of a good man." I left them but never again ventured into any conversation with either of them. There were nineteen preachers on board, not counting myself, and including two Catholic priests. The priests did not take any stock in me. One of the preachers was one day a little too fly, at my expense, and I slammed him down. It mended his manners and he was subsequently very civil. All the balance of them were good friends to me, and some of them were gentlemen that I liked very much. Several of them were scholarly and more of them were not. There was only one brilliant man among them. He was a Congre- gationalist — Rev. C. W. Marshall, of Cresco, Iowa. He used to be a sailor on a British ship on the Atlantic, but threw up his job for a commission on "the old ship of Zion ;" the pay. was more and the work was less. He had struck it rich and had plenty of money 26 BOG FEXXEL IX THE OElENT and no poor kin and he was a jolly old tar, retired at the age of the most beautifnl I ever heard. He was the first t* , sutembe : for mv book and wrote the chapter for it. about up the Nile above Cairo where I did not go. He was the wittiest off-hand speaker °n attractive couple, all around, on the boat were a banker and his wife from Long Prairie, Minnesota, both infidels The nermo attractive all around couple on the boat were a man Ind S f om Vorehester, Mass., the wife and her mother tang members of the Christian, or Campbellite. church, m the priesthood °f "The Jo^ofhtrathat were the best friends to me were Mr. L W. Copelin and wife of Toledo, Ohio. He was awhotakcrf dealer - would sell one hundred car loads of coal a day. They had S to'lmrn and money to burn, and they burnt both. He pegged me to let him lend me as much money as I wanted and Ins wife said to me. "Nobody will ever know anything about it- She was the prettiest married woman on the boat There were a hundred* kodaks among the Cookies and thev t». — « nicWs Mr Copelin would arrange his wife and me so as to ger ct r Vof i'wdh all sorts of ruins and mountains and ships and iJ ^ and paiaces and cathedrals in the back-ground. < , would pose and look our prettiest, but she always beat me. The p ctaes reVnect the most remarkable couple I ever saw. Ton would guess ha he was thirtv years old and she twenty-one, and that they were travelmo- on a bridal tour. He was forty-nine years old and she thirtv-two and their oldest child was a daughter twelve years old Lveml parties of each sex did me the honor to take snap shots of me and Mr. J. Campbell Phillips, who had been an artist for Harper and had gotten up one book of character sketches and was ^getting up another, sketched two pictures of me, one three- SSto ami the other profile. Some envious fellows msmuated US oV trouble about 1 liVo rt,P Phillip and his brother and Blmnenthal, all trom ™w York ttty^nd Lrll Cartwright, of Portland Ind., were four fine jolly 'young fellows and were all fine friends to me. We DOG FEXXEL IX THE ORIEXT 27 sang together and they complimented me highly, but I think it was principally in deference to my years. There were only two editors on board. Both of us were from Kentucky. The other one was H. A. Sommers of the Elizabethtown (Ky.) Xews. He was a handsome widower looking for his Xo. two. He was next to the best looking editor in the party. Riding across a part of the Sahara desert a little donkey fell with him and for some time he carried his arm in a sling. He had a good accident policy and "the jingle of the guinea helped the wound his honor felt." Next time I go to Egypt I am going to take along an acci- dent policy and ride a donkey oyer a sand bank. It's a good scheme and it don't hurt the donkey. Three dollars will pay any Arab doc- tor for a certificate of your dangerous injury. I made more people mad than anybody on the boat. I did it by talking against religion and against preachers and priests, from the Pope down to some of those there on the ship. Mr. Ames of St. Louis, a wealthy man who had a $2,250 state room was one of those who always called me Colonel, in spite of my claim that my chief distinction was that I was the only male Kentuckian of mature years who was not a Colonel. He said I was the most influential man on the boat. Another man whose name I did not know, said to me as we sat waiting in a railway depot at Xice that he had told somebody that I was the most companionable man on the steamer, and I think somebody else said something to the same effect, but I forget what it was. If any other man who was on that cruise eyer writes a book about it, and tells what he saw and heard as honestly as I am doing and am going to do, I will be pretty apt to get my * share of pretty hot stuff, but I am going to let him do it ; my job is to talk about other people. But I am not afraid of anything that any women on that cruise is eyer going to say or write about me. There were women on that cruise, infidel and Christian, whose •style I did not like a little bit, but everything on the boat that wore petticoats was good to me, except one rich Irish Catholic widow, who sat next to me, and who was out husband hunting as was the -case with two or three dozen rich widows on board. That female Patlander did not like me because I was not pious and because I ate Roquefort cheese. I only found out her ayersion to my cheese one day when she asked me to set it on the opposite side of my plate from her. I did so, and instructed the steward never to bring me any more of it. Her opposition to my cheese had no effect to increase my piety. I think about Limburger cheese somewhat as I do about smoking. Xo man ought to eat it unless he is willing to go out into a large field and sit on a stump while he •28 DOG FENNEL IN THE (VRIKNT eat- it and star there until the wind drives array the smell, but I do not think that Roquefort is. or ought -to be. under any social ban. In Irish Catholic woman whose seat at table was near mine and who was a most devout religionist, told of her gambling at Monte Carlo, and said that she came out $18 ahead and said she A going back there to gamble again. A very handsome worn n who said°she had been an Episcopalian and was nothing now, said she wa<= o-oino- to gamble at Monte Carlo and claimed that there 5L notam in it when I tried to reason with her about it. A young man from St. Louis, with whom I had a long talk, and who was the e, informed of the young men on the ship, and who seemed to be a nice moral man. and who had made eight tours to Europe, was a firm believer in the Catholic church, had visited Lourdes and said he aw personally that his aunt was cured of rheumatism in- stantly bv the miraculous power of the water of that place One of I e strongest and most logical reasoners on the ship was a Massa- chusetts atheist who took great pleasure m the ^cussrou o £ re- Lous matters, who was fair and conservative m his udgment of those who disagreed with Mm. and who always counseled me to be kmd to hose of our fellow passengers who were severe m their opin- ions of me. The most ignorant and least educated man that I talked to on the ship was a most ardent infidel apologist. There were some infidel women on the boat who talked their opitoon'Tust as freelv as any Christians would. They were devoted frimdTto me ' One of them, an unmarried girl, was the greatest v t on the oat. She was perfectly respectful to me and told me i 1 o herl that she had more regard for me t^n or anybody on the boat. She had friends among the preachers, and I took aU ^>rte of liberties with them and ridiculed some of them about their re Ugious opinions, both to their faces, and when they were absent She was nerfeetly independent of anybody and did not care * hat SSS 2Sa or thought about her. She £ men that she did not like utterly regardless ot who the) were, anu ^statoinents about others seemed to be accurate. She spoke kindly o people to their faces and to others when they seemed to be de- serving and gave good and sensible reasons wh3 she liked some ana DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 2$ names without any titles to them. She spent a great deal of her time reading and writing. She had such a genius for talking slano- that some said she was a Vaudeville actress. She was from Canada" Her talk and manner were utterly at variance with what you expect m any virtuous woman, and there were infidels and Christians who said she was not virtuous, but I could never gain any possitive evi- dence that she was not pure. I was sometimes very familiar with her, sometimes disgusted with her and sometimes did not know how to act toward her. She was a study to me and I was very curious to rind out about her. There was an infidel banker on board who was a spiritualist, and who did not like me because I flatly denied his statement that he frequently got communications from his dead daughter. I asked him it he thought this young woman was a virtuous woman He said he did not know and did not care ; that it was none of his busi- ness or of my business; that any man was a hypocrite who pro- tessed to be any better than she was, in either event, that he was going to be kind to her and that any true man would be kind to her, and I left that man feeling that he had given me just the kind ot a talking that I needed. There was another infidel woman, on the boat, about forty-five years old She was one of my best friends and in talking to me spoke as if her whole heart was filled with the desire to do good for the world. She spoke of her husband and her children she had iett at home. There was a very rich man who devoutly took part m any Episcopal religious service that was upon the boat but of whom, the general impression seemed to be that his private morals were very loose and yet the action of that woman and that man was perfectly disgusting. _ There were three Catholic Irishmen, two of whom were my friends, and one of whom was my enthusiastic friend and took great pleasure m encouraging others to subscribe for this book, as he had done. One of them only spoke to me once and that was insultingly because I did not believe in religion. All three of them were intel- lectually inferior and knew but very little about the Bible but be- lieved everything taught by the Catholic church. The one that did most to help me with this book was the most superstitious man I ever saw. There was nothing in Jerusalem or in Rome too stupid tor him to believe if the Catholic church said he must believe it and nothing that he would believe if the Catholic church did not say it was true. I saw him most devoutly lay two packages of something that he had m his pocket in the heel of the track in the solid rock that Jesus left on the top of the Mount of Olives when he ascended to heaven, and yet he would not take a pretty pebble that I offered 30 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT knees, as the deyo^tholi^, ^ J ^ and that they say are the stairs ^t**£™£ £ aagel) from Jeru- wHch stairs were brought, in SraheT are to this day. salem, and by the angel placed m Rome h(m. I asked the man, who was a gopd friend to me * hg said estly do a thing -/~^tS iu. T t was not necessary, he did it 3-^o get to -^^bv just standing and losing from which my much esteemed Jnend hd tot ■ Roberts of the Lexington Leader has conm t he j ^ admirer of ^ know me because I was from Boberte to been loval to the know me because I was from ™ » beeu.loyai to the our civil war. the moun tarns of tl S *te. bad ^ ^ government but we, of the B1™^^™g to Wolford's cavalry the South. The old Major had belon ge dto* olio ^ which was ratsed in the mountains of Ke«y^a terror to us of the Blue Grass region, as the M > m ^ for us. He said he had heard mncn or ug but he held and that during the war he went dowu .there to see , out the stump of his ^*f'jSX over the little treated me." I as su red him that had al =° * he would come mad that we had for those few ^ but that we to Lexington now ^j^^^^L heart, and give would take him by the lei t hand tl e one ne isra^^ ^ -d ~ the DOG FEOTEL IN THE ORIEXT 31 center of which was printed "The Arkansaw Traveler,- and down m the corner, was G. A. Viquesney, Little Rock, Arkansas. ' I ex- plained to him that the original "Arkansaw Traveler,- Alexander Hauikner, was my wife's uncle, that some of his family had visited our home and that we knew much about them, and "Old Arkansaw" as we soon got to calling him because he was seventy-one years old and we could not recollect his name, and I soon became fast friends partly because we were both from the South. He was a remarkably active man for his age. He was born in France and had come to America when young, but he spoke French and English equally well, and as we went together a great deal he was a great benefit to me for all through our tour we found ten men who could speak French to one who could speak English. At Cairo, as soon as we would come down from our hotel steps the Arabs would beseech us to hire their donkeys to us. I put my hand on Old Arkansaw's shoulder to signify that I had already engaged a donkey and they understood the joke very quick. • " J There was only one man on the boat at whose acquaintance I drew the line He was a very devout Episcopalian from Virginia He had plenty of money and dressed in fine style. His hair and beard were gray and the redness of his nose seemed to be explained by his views about liquor drinking. He came and sat down by me one day told me that he had heard me advocating Prohibition and that with all my boasted liberality I was thus trying to curtail his liberties He became so insulting that I had to speak my mind so plainly to him that he left. He seemed inclined to create religious prejudice against me, and when he found that he could not succeed in that, was inclined to be conciliatory again, but I would not trust mm and would have nothing to do with him. I took considerable pains to study the comparative intelli- gence and morals of the people of the North and of the South who were with us, but I found nothing at all to warrant the idea that in either of these regards, even Boston is at all superior to Lex- ington. r The large majority of the people on the tour were people of culture, and properly blended good humor and dignity in their de- meanor, and nearly everybody was pleasant to everybody else CHAPTEB II. • • mP of the large front halls of the boat There was, hanging m one of the large ^ ^ a large chart of all the ocean and Ian i h we w ^ tou, This was all marked ofi b3 . fte 1 w rude, and each ^Jf * a little flag on it to indicate and an officer would ^f ^^re, and on a card below, would the point upon the sea at ^"*^a^riled for the last twenty-four be Jh-en the number of g S interest each day. The hours. This chart was watched wrto g ^ ^ tt g ~r&-= ~rs»« <« <■» -■■■» « "« its name. . , T • .-.l-*, hirthday, while we were, at " On the 18th of ^"\^Z^el^ ^m was gayly decor- 7 o'clock, at a lug dinner m w^J^^ had picture, of the ated with flags and flowers and °oi lum were being made, great Kentuckian. and speeches ^logistm am(mg and the band was playing "^^ Jbody cheered until it them "My Old Kentucky Home JM* j ^ m ^ brought tears to my ^eyes ^^"body cheered and cheered of the light-house at Madeira .arid eelebration cere- in perfectly wild d^^JJJ nislied to the decks to look monies were soon closed and e^erj bOQj i . u ht seemed a the far away, light-house, ^^Vtwent^fire miles across the to wink like some Cyclopeau , eye ava, o» y^ from sea. Madeira is two t hous and seven n tQ ^ New York and as on that route there ^ateful. It any change from the monotony of ^ and the was pretty moon-light and the an ^« a g from Hg iea was calm and the great ship * as s to m _ perceive. We almost without any motion or sound that we co i £ watched the sailors arrange toj^ of fifty S^MS SMf A^fi and soon we heard the DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIENT 33 rattle of the enormous chain, each link of which weighed twenty pounds, as it lowered the great anchor down, and down over the great iron drum on the steam engine that lowered it, until it gave us an idea of the immense depth of the water we were in. As soon as we were anchored there was a perfect swarm of beautifully col- ord boats with men, women and children in them, all chattering Portugese, and the men that came aboard had straw hats on that looked strange in contrast with the weather that we had left in New York just a week before. Many of these pretty boats had flags on them on which was the simple word "Cook," and into any one of which we could step and be taken ashore and brought back without cost simply by showing the ticket with which each of us had been provided, in New York, as part of the cost of the tour. Although it was 11 o'clock by the time any of our party could disembark, there were perhaps fifty of them who went ashore that night, and one man lost $3,000 and one woman won $75 gambling at the Cassino in the town, Funchal, in the harbor of which we had anchored. We could see, in the moon-light, the outlines of the town, and of the mountains towering up behind it. As late as it was, there was one man there ready to engage in one of the leading industries of the town, that of diving for money that the people on the ship would throw out into the sea where the sea was immensely deep. It would seem to be impossible to get such money even in fine day- light, but here was a man to show you what he could do by moon- light. It was fully thirty feet from where the passengers stood on the deck, down to the water. One would toss out a piece of money which, with my extraordinarily fine sight, I could not see after it left the hand of the party who threw it. Of course the man in the boat could not tell on which side, or at which end of his boat it would fall and could only tell where it was by seeing it or hearing it, hit the water, then, having very little clothing on him he would jump from his boat head foremost like a frog and disappear under the water, and without missing a single time, would come to the top holding the money up between his thumb and finger so that we could see it shine in the moon-light. As soon as he could slide into his boat and straighten up, somebody would throw another piece of money and he would get every piece until finally the peo- ple, after an hour or more got tired of looking at him, and, a few at a time, went off to bed. I was up early next morning and there were about twenty-five of those boats there, each having in it two or three boys, and most of the boys very small ones, as they had learned, from experience that the smaller the. boy the larger the amount of money would U DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT be thrown to him. In a little while the whole 416 Cookies were on the deck looking over at the boats with the diving boys in them, each boy when not under the water, looking np and clamoring in PortngeVe for the money to be thrown to him. As fast as one boy wonHcome np and show his money somebody would throw another We all the time taking pains to throw it so that it wonld not fa Hn he boat so that they might get it withont divmg Some- time two or three boys wonld dive for the same piece of money f rom rival boats and we conld see their heads go together and see them " rambling for it, away down in the deep clear _ water ' but some one of them would always come to the surface with it held np ^ "n^one instance was there any marked variation from the oeneral rule that I saw. One time a piece of money fell so far m front of the how of the boat in which only one divmg boy sat m tTstern that I supposed that piece would be lost and the boy seemed also to consider it, and did not start for it. When the man ™e boat saw that the boy did not start, the man walked back to Se boy Ted him to the bow and pitched him over-board, and then toned his eyes up to the people to watch for more money. The S fellow was gone so much longer than usual under the water that I Supposed he would drown, and I spotted that man and had made au my arrangements to testify against hmi m the police court of Funchal, but the little fellow came up with the money The divers kept that up for two hours until everybody went to breakfit and I l ad seen them dive hundreds of times and had never ten anv one of them fail to get the money except when some other one got it before him. The people would throw it so as to favor the smallest boys and the smallest ones got much the most monev TlSt occurs at every ship that stops at W »d those nec-Ple grow up to be almost amphibious animals. Those little boys had muscles on their arms and chests and legs like prize fiXter and the larger they get the faster they have to swim, on IS water and under it, to keep the little boys from getting all the m°nefj'urinD- this diving entertainment we were also looking at the town and at the beautiful mountains on the island and at the great rocks that came up out of the sea like castles or ight-honses, and on several of which there were light-houses. Nearly everybody had fin o era gla sses and I had a fine pair that my good old friend SLar Buchagnani, of Lexington, had insisted on lending m say- ing that he wanted to be able to say that those glasses had looked at ^IZtf^TL true of all other towns and houses that DOGr FENNEL IN THE OBIENT 35 we saw until we got back to New York, namely that none of them were built of wood, all were of stone or a kind of cement or concrete as hard as stone and all covered with tiles, the roofs slanting like ours in America, until we got into the Orient and found the house- tops all flat and of solid heavy stone, forming the nicest places in the towns to walk and explaining how it was that Peter went up on the house-top to pray, that we couldn't fully appreciate in our Sun- day school days. You know also that the New Testament says "Let him that is on the house-top not come down," and that from this text the old preacher delivered a sermon against the ladies' fashion of knotting their hair up on the tops of their heads, "Top-knot come down/' The houses in Funchal were all a beautiful blending of their yellow and white bodies with their red roofs, and the mountains behind them, to the naked eye, looked like they were all covered with green and blue velvet. Through our glasses, though, we could see that this velvet was sugar-cane, orange and lemon trees, grape- vines, bananas, and a* great variety of other strange fruits and ilowers of the most brilliant hues, including everything of the finest varieties known to our hot houses in America, and roses and callas and japonicas and carnations and tulips, all in a perfection that we, of Kentucky, could hardly realize, and all growing out of doors just as naturally as Log Fennel grows in the famous political country precinct in which I live, and from which the precinct gets its name. This island is also famous for its lace and for its manufacture of all kinds of basket work known to the world, including large armed chairs into the backs of which were wrought deftly, in cane -and wicker, the letters and figures "Madeira, 1903." These chairs were brought out by the boat load and sold for a mere song to the Cookies. At our dinner table at 7 o'clock on the Moltke a lady had brought by a steward a pretty basket filled with flowers that, in Lexington, would have cost $15. She gave six cents for the basket and the flowers. A stream of exquisitely colored little boats, with Turkish rugs over their seats landed the whole 446 of us in a half hour after breakfast. I heard through the night, when I occasionally waked, a strange kind of a noise on the shore, and I soon found what the noise was. It was made by the sea rolling miles of pebbles up on the shore, as each wave would come in and then the pebbles will roll back, by their own gravity as the waves recede. Thousands of tons of these pebbles are about two inches long, an inch broad, and a half inch thick, and are oval on each end, and all the miles of 36 DOG FENNEL IN THE OBIENT streets and side walks in Eunchal are made by sticking these peb- btal their edges into a cement that is made of the material, as fine aT flour* thft comes from the wearing of the pebbles for age L thpV roU in the ed^e of the sea. The pavement thus made is a S as fl nt n fact is flint, and seems to be absolutely mte- Snctible The side-walks are not more than four feet wide but hef are laid with different colored pebble designs bnt they are so the) are aio .v on th(?m when you smooth that yon have tobecwe ^ ^ fntTlS SXs on all hills, so that neither man nor beast is so liable to slip. , „ . These pebbles are as smooth as glass and so hard that no fric- tion of Son against them wears them in the least, and this fact a> ?<= ^v +hP vehicles that they have in Ennchal that are different fZ Wtog eke in h world. I had known that all carriages Ennchal rnn all the time on sled runners though tee ne°ver was any snow there, and that they were all drawn by oxen but I had supposed they were Ragged, on the sand or on he dirt iust bv main force of the oxen; but it is nothing of that sort Their carriage bodies are like our open summer carriages and have l^ZZra, but instead of having wheels the springs axe ^fas- tened to sleigh runners that are shod with iron The streets are vlrfuerfediy and evenly made and these sleigh runners go over IfioL streets Vith no more friction than they would over the snow S our Northern United States. Each carriage carries four person and has a man and a bov running on foot as no people m this coi trv can run, and as is 'astonishing in the Orient where there are Zl i whose daily business it is to rim fast for miles -thout top- ping. Each one of these carriages has on its fr0^-;he.™g bodies being low, so that you step into them easilj from the g° \md_a bos containing a strong cloth saturated with a heavy The streets are easily kept perfectly clean, therebemg i ^olutei) nothine to make any dust or mud. In every two or three miles dri4 the boy will get out that saturated cloth and throw it down £5 sSing tL carriage so that one runner «M* «™£ will slide over it, and then pick it up and throw it so that the otnei runner will slid^ over it and thus the runners are kept oiled and X rubs off of them goes to oil the streets, and no ram can wash lt 0fTlie cattle that pull these carriages do not have to be shod. The ridges teLen tL pebbles keep their feet from sli ppmg and do not hurt them. They are not at all like our cat e. Oius are bred for their beef qualities and these are bred for their traveling qualities just as our Kentucky horses are. The Funchal oxen are a DOGr FEXXEL IX THE OBIEXT 37 half foot taller than any but our largest cattle, and their bodies are sinewy and compact and their legs muscular like our horses. They are much more intelligent, naturally, than our oxen, and walk as fast as a man can trot, and sometimes when there is rivalry between the drivers the oxen trot like our horses, and the men run. They are not guided in any way further than to follow the boy who runs ahead of them. I never saw any of them beaten by their own- ers, and I was glad to see, every where, on our tour, the officers of societies for the prevention of cruelty to animals, and I am sorry to say that the only people that I saw who wanted horses whipped to make them go faster were the Cookies with whom I was traveling. Nearly always through preference, because I could see better and because nobody else wanted the seat, I rode up on the box with the driver and I frequently caught their whips and would not let them use them on the horses, though parties in the carriage were yelling at them to go faster. Of course I could not talk to these drivers in the Greek, Latin Arabic and other outlandish languages that they talked, and I always had to have a dispute with them to get up on that front seat with them, but they were always satisfied when they understood that I really preferred it. We landed in the small boats on the end of a long break-water, on the top of which was one of the pebbled streets and long rows of "bullock sleighs" in waiting. Close by were the remains of an ancient building that in the construction of the break-water had partly been demolished so that its whole interior could be seen to be filled with cells. A guide who spoke good English said to me, "That is a place where the Catholics used to imprison people and keep them until they died/' The church, in its earlier propagan- dism, had some arguments that were hard to beat, and that old prison, honey-combed with little graves into which people were put while they were alive, to forestall any possibility of their not having Christian burial, is now the battered relic of an ancient theological argument. In the town we found that all frieght was easily transported by laying a broad thick plank, with the under edge of its front end beveled up so that it would slide over the pebbles and two oxen would pull as large a load on that plank over those streets as two horses could pull on a fine Kentucky turnpike.. There was run- ning down the middle of the town a ravine twenty-five feet deep that was neatly and substantially walled on each side by fine stone masonry. Down in the bottom of this ravine, or canal, there was a stream of pretty, clear, pure water all through which were large stones that were smooth by nature, and on these stones there were 38 DOG FENNEL IX THE OEIEXT hundreds of women and men washing their clothes and cleaning great big fish or eels. I could not tell which, as they were differ- ent from anything I ever saw. There was so much nice water and it was so swift that nobody seemed to interfere with anybody else. The clothes were soon washed clean and spread out on the clean white hot pebbles on the sides of the canal and a few pebbles laid on them to keep them from blowing away, and, they would be dry in a few minutes. It was the only time I had ever seen poetry and romance introduced into the laundry business. The women seemed to know nothing of the hardship of the woman m the wash tub in America. The street all along, on each side, had, growing out of the pebbled pavements large and beautiful trees that looked more like our sycamores than any other trees that I know of m America. . . . , ., The main two attractions of Funchal are the funicular railway that goes up onto a mountain that is 1,400 feet high and gives the finest view of the country and of its fruits and flowers but I did not see it because a trip up it costs $2. The other attraction of the town is the Cassino, the gambling place. I did not go into that because it cost twenty-five cents, and because I knew it was a small affair as compared with Monte Carlo that I was to see to the finest advantage. ^ ^ Cookies spent most of their time in the island up that mountain and at the Cassino. I was with two Cookies wan- dering around the town and looking at any strange thing we might *ee when I came to a large iron gate through which we could look into eleo-ant grounds and see a fine large building. As soon as we looked through, an old lady who was sitting there came and opened the sate for us and assuming that we could not understand each other in language, motioned to us to go up to the building. We did so and found that it was a combination of hospital and school managed by the Catholics. One of the lady managers who could speak good English, came to see us and most kindly conducted us through everything' and spared no pains in explaining everything to us. The writing and drawing of little children was, by far, the most remarkable thing of the kind I ever saw. One of . my com- panions paid a little fellow handsomely, for his copy book, b} the consent of the teacher, to take home with him as a curiosity. 1 looked out of a window and saw two men cutting into pieces with large knives, banana plants that were six inches in diameter, and feeding the cows on them. It is the main food of their cows and they love it more than anything and thrive on it. " In the grounds of that building there were wonderful trees some of which were full of flowers, and there were summer houses, DOG FEXXEL IN THE OEIEXT 39 each of which would be covered by a single rose bush the body of which would be about four inches in diameter, and which I supposed might be a hundred years old, and on that bush would be one thous- and roses, any one of which would sell in Lexington for fifty cents, and you could pull as many flowers as you wanted. The town was full of shops that sold its famous wine, but I never saw anybody drunk, except one chronically drunk, rich young man. that we brought along with us on the Moltke, whose mother was traveling with him to cure his drunkenness and who regularly drank wine with him at the table. That mother with that young fellow reminded me of old Mrs. Maloney of the Irish Catholic persuasion in Lexington. She had a son at the Catholic school that was so inordinately profane that the priest came to see Mrs. Maloney about it, and when the priest told her she said, "Well, Jasus Christ, where in the divil did that boy learn to swear \33 Clear on to the end of our tour there were Cookies who said that Funchal was the nicest place they had seen, and I think, my- self, that they were the happiest looking people I ever saw, but T think we were more impressed by the beauty and pleasure of the place because it was the first land we had seen for so long and be- cause our appetites for sight seeing were then very sharp. On February 14th, Saint Valentine's day, and my first and only wedding day — that is, up to date — we were sailing away from Madeira, and I spent much of my time thinking about my wife, away off across the ocean, and I said to myself that that getting married thirty-eight years ago that day was one of the things of my life that I would do over again if I had to live life over again. I believe that under ordinarily favorable circumstances matrimony is a success for men, but I doubt if it is for women. Gibralta, the next place we were to see, was 618 miles off and Africa was in sight, across the strait, from there, and I spent much time wondering how those two places would tally, when I came to see them, with what I had imagined about them from the time I was a small boy. I had heard in college speeches and in political campaign speeches and in editorials about G-ibralta as an emblem of strength and impregnability, and I had sung in the hymn book about "Where Afric^s sunny fountains Eoll down the golden sand," and in later days had read about "Darkest Africa." We got into the harbor at Gibralta Saturday night, and when I got up at five o^clock, Sunday morning, and looked out there was 40 DOG FEXXEL IX THE OBIEXT Gibralta, a good deal like I had expected to see it. It sticks up out of the water 1.400 feet high. While I was looking at it I saw a flash on top of it and then heard the roar of a big cannon as a signal to the soldiers. I had expected to see in different parts of the rock the port holes from which the cannon in the rock could be fired but. with the exception of a half dozen irregularly shaped holes that looked like the}7 might have been natural I saw no places from which cannon could be fired and yet there are four thousand large cannon hidden there somewhere and I suppose that if the combined navies of the world were to attempt to pass that rock into the Mediterranean sea, the guns in that great rock could destroy them all. There are small trees, probably evergreens, growing in the crevices over a great part of the great rock and I suppose they are arranged to hide the openings through which the cannon would be fired from the two miles of tunnels that are cut high up in the rock. The rock seems to be about two miles long and there is a pretty town built all along the foot of it. We were landed in the town and started out to see it. It was Sunday but that seemed to make no difference in the lousiness of the place. From that on until we got back there from the Orient we had three Sabbaths each week; Friday for the Mohammedans, Saturday for the Jews and Sunday for the Christians, and the Cookies, like everybody that we saw ever}rwhere else, compromised by not having any Sabbath. Thai was the first place I had seen any Mohammedans on their native soil. The first I saw were engaged butchering something thai looked like dogs but proved to be the peculiar looking kids of that country. Others were engaged in killing and picking chickens. Their expertness in this was the most heartless brutality I ever saw but was marvelous. One of them would pick up a chicken and kill it, and pick the feathers off of it dry, as soon as a Kentucky negro, in the days before we had corn shelters, could pick up a year of corn and shell it. Their market was open and full of people selling and buying the finest of meats, fish, vegetables and fruits. I saw here, as I did everywhere else on the tour, cauliflowers that were ten iches in diameter and having in them three or four times as much as the finest I ever saw in America. I had heard all my life about the immense number of monkeys that there were at G-ibralta and expected to find them in such numbers as I would find Maltese cats at Malta and dogs at Constantinople. I never saw a monkey at Gibralta nor a cat of any kind at Malta, but the dogs at Constantinople materialized in numbers to compensate for any shortage in Gibralta monkeys and Malta cats that I thought the Cooks were under contract to show me. We walked up through the town or rode in carriages, our party DOG FEXXEL IX THE OEIEXT 41 being something large enough to call out the citizens to look at. I think it was the largest party that ever took a pleasure excursion to the Orient from America. In old times they used to get up little pleasure excursions of three or four million people in each to go from Europe to see the things that we saw in Palestine, but they didn't have the Cooks to manage the tour for them and the Moham- medans killed all that did not starve on the way there, so that none of those excursions ever had the trouble of coming back again. If the Indians in this country had killed all of that picnic party that came over here on the Mayflower it would have been much better for this country. All religious migrations are as dangerous to the public morals as camp-meetings are. We saw for the first time at G-ibralta what we saw everywhere else through the whole tour, herds of goats to be milked. In America the William goat seems to be in the majority, in our little herds of our little goats that can be salted down in their ovm horns. All up and down both sides of the Mediterranean the female goat is most in evidence, those of masculine predilections mostly dying by the knife of the butcher in their kidhood. The goats that they milk are two or three times as large as our Kentucky goats and their milking apparatus is as large as that of an Alclerney cow. The goat milkman is always a woman and instead of doing all her milking at home and bringing all the milk to market in a wagon, she makes each goat carry its own milk to market, and this suits the customer too, for he can see that a great part of the milk does not come out of the pump as is the case in America. The only thing I saw in G-ibralta that looked like religion was a gang of three street preachers that looked like stray Salvation Army people who had a congregation of about seven people, and they were giving out a hymn two lines at a time like the- old fash- ioned way in Kentucky, except that it was in some kind of an out- landish language. The preachers looked awfully lonesome. I don't think the Gibraltan peculiarities of Gibralta extend to its religion. We came to a beautiful place where there was a large collection of men who had ''sought the bubble reputation at the cannon's mouth" and had gotten planted for their pains, and a fine collection of monuments with highly -eulogistic things on them had been chis- eled on these monuments and I remembered that Solomon had said, "A living dog is better than a dead lion." The honors of a soldier's life are too much like life insurance; the parties of the first part never live to see the returns. We went on and came into some beautiful gardens with strange trees and flowers that I had never seen before, and statuary and fountains and strange things .and some big cannon along at different points. 42 DOG FENNEL IX THE OKIEXT Tommy Atkins was much in evidence, both in full dress and arms and in his dude undress with a collar box tied over his left ear with a string and a little stick switching about in his hand, and looking jtist about as much like a soldier as "Mr. Merryman" in a circus. . . I saw the bar-rooms wide open on Sunday and priests baying in the shops. They told me there that during our Eevolutionary war with the English, six hundred soldiers defended Gibralta for two years against °45,000 French soldiers. I want to say. in this connection, that as a historian in this book. I only engage to tell things just as I saw them and heard them, and if anybody does not like it, he,, or she. may lump it. or read in connection herewith any other his-, torv that may suit their tastes. About three thousand people warned me, before I started, not to write a book based on the statements of Baedaker's guide books and for the satisfaction of all such people I will here say that I never read a page of Baedaker in my life. I did not do it on this tour, first because I could not spare the money to buy one, secondly, because I did not have time to read him and thirdly because I was not inclined any way. Eegarding any conflict, therefore, between other historians and myself as to the things about which I shall herein depose, I will say that that part of the reading public that honors me with a perusal of these affidavits must lay the responsi- bility wherever they think it belongs, remembering that m history, as iii everything else, the biggest liars in the world are those who most strenuously assert their own veracity. _ Those six hundred soldiers during those two years of seige, 1 suppose, lived on rock just as I saw camels and scarabs and Arabs —I give them in the order of their respectability— living on sand in the desert of Sahara. It is good to have plenty of sand m one s craw, and whatever may have been true of their first course they always had plenty of desert in the wind up. I am a candid man. though my candor has, many times, led me into trouble and into some places where they very carefully locked the doors behind me. and the government of the United States and I have not always been entirely congruvial m our views of things. But I have this to say : ever since our civil war, which ended in 1864, I have never seen anything that inspired m me any feelino- of special loyalty to this country except to go and see some bodv else's country," and barring a few instances m which I have been in Canada. I have never been out of this country except once to Europe immediately after our civil war, and then again on my late pilgrimage. DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIENT I will therefore say this to my own government, I have care- fully examined Gibralta, and I would not advise our people to send some man like Dewey there, and take the place away from the English. It would require some outlay of money and several weeks of time and would involve some loss of life, and it might be neces- sary to dynamite the whole rock, and thus largely destroy its interest as a stopping place for Cooks' tours, which already have an abundance of ruins in their itineraries. I saw, as we came into New York harbor, where the Yankees, as a kind of "memento mori" to the balance of the world had stuck, up on the shore, a big steel plate about a foot thick, and then sailed one of their war ships out into the ocean three or four miles and shot out a bull's eye about as big as the head of a Ken- tucky whisky barrel and perforated that plate all around that hull's eye until it looked like a pepper-box for some great American pepper trust, and I have thought that, simply as an advertisement,, it might be a good thing for our war ships, which we saw in every port in the Mediterranean, to make up a little party, some time, and shoot all the top off of Gibralta as they come by, but I simply make is as a suggestion to our Secretary of the Navy. From Gibraltar it took two trains to carry our party to Grena- da to see the Alhambra principally. The trains there are on the English plan as is true of all trains except in America where we have the right plan. Their railway coaches are for eight people each, half of whom have to ride backward. I got into one of these coaches with the Prof. Harrison, with whom I subsequently had the unpleasantness about a previous un- pleasantness between Jonah and the whale, in which the whale got Jonah down but could not hold him down — "it's hard to keep a good man down" — and had to throw up his job. Prof. Harrison's wife and little son and two other ladies and two other men were in that coach, and, there and then, was the only time that I was mad eough to feel like fighting, any time on the whole tour, but, even if I got whipped, I was wrought up to the pitch of scoring one for old Kentucky, and I estimated that it alone would make me at least one thousand subscribers for this book. I never learned the name of either of the two last mentioned men, though I iden- tified the meaner of the two, if there can be any difference in rotten potatoes, clear on until he left the Moltke at Yillefranche on our return tour. Of course I did and said bad things, my full share of them, but I do not consider that I owe any apology to the Cookies on that cruise for anything, except that I did not smash the pug- nose of one of those two fellows with my fist. He was from Chicago and was, so I was told, engaged in some kind of a dynamite fac- 44 DOG FEXXEL IN THE OETEXT tory He had a stiff little moustache that stuck out of his lip some- thing like a combination of the hairs on the upper lip of a Tom cat, and a couple of bunches out of a second-hand blacking brush. He said he and his friend were going to smoke in that coach. His companion never said anything but only acquiesced in what he of the ' blacking-brush moustache said, and the dynamite fiend pointed to a big card pasted on the window only that day, which said in plain English, "smoker." In a little while, however, some- body tore down all those cards because it was next to impossible to arrange for smoking privileges for all. I said to the combination of dynamite and blacking-brush/ that though I was an old man and tobacco smoke made me sick. I waived all my right to ask . him, a* a gentleman not to smoke, but that, in the name of all the ladies present and of Prof. Harrison, who was a man m delicate health, and also easily sickened by tobacco smoke. I protested against his smoking in there. I further said to him, I would rather see one of mv sons dead than to see him guilty of such ill manners as vou are exhibiting here." But he was, morally, a regular pachyderm and mv remarks would have had as much effect up a rhinoceros and more upon an Upper Nile hippopotamus that had had the advantage of some training in a well regulated zoolog- ical o-arden. I shall always feel that it was a feather out of my cap that I did not whip that fellow, but shall indulge the hope ot hearing, some day. that he was blown to the devil by his own dvnamite factory. TTe all vacated the coach and left him and his chum m full possession. T . „ T But vou know who it is that "takes care of his own. 1 struck out to find another coach to ride in, though they all seemed to be full, and got into one, where T found a good seat, and became acquainted with mv subsequent good friends Mr. and Mrs. Copelm. She and I harmonized on theology but he was a little more prudent. I had forgotten to get mv lunch basket, one of which was provided at the expense of the Cooks, as always, for each of the party but Mr and Mrs. Copelm had one each and divided with me and Mrs Harrison divided hers with me, and then, at a station, they handed me in a nice warm lunch, because I had forgotten my basket, and Mrs Copelin spread open her box of fine bonbons, and, peeled orano-es and tangerines and mandarins for me and, altogether, 1 had enough for four men to eat, and a lot more to give to beggars, who had heard of the coming of our great company and had come for miles to see the trains as they stopped to let us get out a tew minutes, and exercise at each station. . All alono- the road I found myself the observed of all observers DOG .FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 45 on account of my long and heavy hair and beard, as the people of that country seemed never to have seen anything of the kind before. Men, women and children, would stop and gaze at me, and all of the children and many of the older people would laugh and, on this account I attracted even more attention in Grenada. Beggars, and especially ehildren beggars, are as thick in Grenada as the flies in Egypt, at which latter place the flies have been doing business at the same old stand just like they did when Moses and the magicians brought them there to worry Pharaoh. At Grenada the children swarmed around me to combine beg- ging and looking at my hair. I pulled off my steamer cap ;rnd exhibited my curls to them and then passed around my cap for compensation. I could not speak their language but they saw the joke p. d. q. and laughed, but did not pitch in any money. My capillary attraction was the means of my getting to see more pretty women than any other forty men on the cruise. The women would get in groups and stand and gaze square at me. When it was a good looking group, as was true in an astonishingly large number of cases, I would look at them, but would not bother myself about them when they were not pretty. And now I am going to be candid, though I have to be ungallant to do so. I saw more pretty women on that tour than I had ever seen in all the balance of my life up to that time. I will not vouch for the good- ness of all of them, especially at Cairo and Monte Carlo, but they certainly were pretty. Going from Gibralta to Grenada, though it was on Sunday, the fields were full of men and women plowing and digging and doing every kind of farm labor, always plowing oxen. I saw 1,000,000 acres of olive trees. They look more like our big old apple trees than anything else. Almond trees were planted all along each side of the railroad, and were full of bloom that looked like our peach trees. The plows that we saw were like all those we saw in the Orient — a fork of a tree with a long slim piece of iron on it and no mould board, and only one handle, and the plowman walking along by the side of his plow instead of behind it as we do, and yet, strange to say, they did pretty good plowing. The plow would have a tongue to it twelve feet long, and the yoke was simply a round straight pole, ten feet long with two pegs in each end that went down on each side of the necks of the oxen. The only kind of fence I saw was made of cactus of the ma- guey variety. They grow about six feet high and are armed with a thorn so long and so sharp on the end of each of the big stiff leaves, that no man, or animal as large as a goat could possibly get through one. Some of these fences looked like they were a hun- 46 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT dred vears old. A very common indltetty all along the mountain- oS fSrf the roaa to Grenada, which was about half of it, was geit/nc cork. The trees grow to be abont two feet in diameter ana the Iwk which seemed to come off easily, was taken off in slabs about ttrel feet long and fifteen inches wide, the bark being about to e nches thick. It was stacked up like cord wood and there eTed to be enough to make corks for the whole world. I think X bark was taken off entirely around each tree and it seemed that the bark would grow back again on, the parts from winch it had !e n ken. There were orange trees and lemon trees a 1 as full nf fruit a<= they could hang, and many varieties of trees that 1 tiau ne4? e n belre and many and beautiful wild flower, I saw tweb-e nlows with two oxen each, plowing m one field of four a re and m some fields there would be lines of from ten to twenty men & up the whole field instead of plowing it. Olive trees seemed grov in almost ^ It ST 3£.m« 4 - th7— ns'L^eemed to be almost "Little Bopeep; "Let them alone and they'll all come home, With their little bob-tails behind them. The tails of sheep from Spain where we first saw them and Zi Z ™?to ■» V, data prt ot (h. .11 ol «b«h anvth ng like the tail of an American sheep except one variety of Z that I saw at Jerusalem that might be said to have three tZ Two of ILe tails were great hunks of fat, the two weighing DOG- FEXXEL IN THE OEIEXT 4? -about five pounds and from the end of them, where they were joined at the bottom, there hung something like the sheep's tail that we have in America. The measurement of exceedingly small spaces of time by the shakes of a sheep's tail, that was common among the Kentucky negroes, m the ante-bellum times was not practical of these for- eign sheep, but the phenomenon known as the "tail wao-oW the dog," seemed almost possible of these sheep. Traveling through those mountains that were made of mater- ial that seemed to be as hard as granite, I saw the effects of run- ning water that gave me some conception of the age of the earth that did not seem to tally with the Mosaic cosmogony. There was .a stream of water that seemed to have worn its way for one thous- and feet clown into the solid rock, under such circumstances that it seemed to me must have required 100,000 years to do it _ About the first half of the distance from Gibralta to Grenada is o± this wild mountainous country and I wondered what there could have been m it to excite the cupidity of the Mohammedans when they came there and captured it and built Grenada and the Alhambra, but the latter half of the ride, as we approached Grena- da was through country so beautiful and so fertile that it was easy to see why they wanted it. All through that mountainous part of the country I saw the castles 111 Spain," of the proverb that I had heard from my chil- hood. I suppose I saw as many as one hundred of them, but thev were generally so far off and so high upon the mountains that it was hard to see any more of them than that there was a high round tower m the middle and a high stone wall all around and that they were generally in ruins. It was evident why such sites were selected for building these ■castles. They were to protect their owners from their enemies They would find places up on the steep mountains that were inac- cessible except by some one narrow passage that was easily defen- sible, and all the material for building which was scarcely anything but hewn stone, and mortar would be carried up this one path bv immense labor, and the castle built on the top, and much labor was expended, ever afterward, in bringing food and water and fuel from the plains below, to provide for the owner of the castle and his family and his retainers. 'It is almost certain that the first house built in Jerusalem was a castle of this kind situated upon some almost inaccessible hill. As we approached Grenada I saw the Sierra Nevada moun- tains the first perennially snow covered mountains I had ever seen. They were twenty miles off, but the air was so clear and the moun- 48 DOG FEXXEL IN THE OBIEXT tains »o white that through good Brother Buehagnani's fine opera Idasses I eonld see these mountains as if they were no more than a mile Way. I found that my conception of perenma ly snow cov- ered mountains had been quite different from what I now aw hem. I had always imagined that there would be snow here and there with rocks and trees and barren places a PPea™^"^ hut here was the mountain chain stretching off to a distance greater than I could see. even through the. glasses and for some thousand of feet down their sides there was absolutely no hmg S except snow upon which no possible foreign substance con fi fall J? it looked like it might be from o^.^red^e hundred feet deep and that no foot of man or animal could cross ^ part of those miles and miles of snow without sinking into their depths to be lost without any possible recovery. Grenada is called the city of fountains, and it is from the meltin" of the snows on these mountains that the streams flow hat Supply the water for these famous fountains all of which s Sfe -tlv clear and pure and almost ice cold. Grenada is a beauti- ful citv of 135.000 inhabitants, the town all being m yellow and white stone or concrete, the streets being broad and regular and fin v mved The residences had large grated iron doors through which many very beautiful women, with black eyes and heavy d! hSrnand beautiful complexions looked at the Cookies passing in otoups, some in Cooks' carriages and some on foot. All men and8bovs had on cloaks that came down to tor heels and ^wo- men wore anything on their heads even on the streets Thereis s in Grenada that "Columbus discovered America, hnt Wash- SC^vS th^mbTa" and our American YYash n!- on Irvin? is known in Grenada almost like we know Colimibu in kmerka because it was his book about the Alhaiubra that "use^ so many people to go to see it, that Grenada now gets a great part of its living from visitors to the Alhambra. ilhambra Is really two words and was originally written Al HamS meamng, in W The Yellow of he PatThad read Washington Irving from my mired him, and had made up my mmd as to how the Alhambra boked but found it on an immensely more extensive scale than 1 had anticipated. I had had the impression that over the first door e^nterino it I would find the famous hand extended toward the key BOG FEXXEL-Itf THE ORIEXT 49 both of which are cut in the key stone of an arch over a passway and of which so much has been said regarding the significance of the design, the interpetations being various and many. I had always understood it to be that the Saracen builders of the Alhambra meant by this to say to the world that its enemies would capture that palace and fortress and place of worship, as it is all combined, •only when that stone hand would be able to reach further and grasp that stone key; and that, to me, still sounds more Saracenic than any other interpretation of it that I have heard, though there -are others who say it represents the hand of Allah giving^the key ■of heaven to Mohammed, somewhat like Jesus is represented as giving the keys to Peter. At any rate, though I looked carefully over many gates and doors in the Alhambra I did not find it, heard no guide allude to it, and afterward could find only a few Cookies who had seen it. I saw one very large gateway on the key stone of -the arch of which was a rude outline of a hand with the front finger pointing upward. The only thins about the Alhambra, the anticipated beauty of which fell below my anticipation, was the fountain in the famous "court of lions/5 formed by twelve lions standing in a circle with their tails inside and heads outside and holding upon the hind part of the backs a large marble basin. I have seen very much more natural looking lions in a fifty cent circus and even Duchailieu does not say that it is the custom of lions, in their wild state, to stand, in this manner, and hold large basins up on their tails. They are hard looking lions, but we might expect this as they are made of alabaster. Mr. Saxe would call any one of them "as awful a lion As you ever set eye on." About thirty feet from this fountain is a basin about fifteen feet m diamater, from the bottom of which runs an open gutter cut m the stone down to the fountain of lions. Over the edge of this big basin the necks of the last thirty-six of the Saracen Kino-s were stretched by their Christian captors and their heads were cut off, the blood running down that gutter and being washed off by the fountain. The whole thirty-six died in consequence, and their only subsequent efficiency as propagandists of Mohammedanism was on the principle that "the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church." The greatest misfortune that ever befell Europe was the expulsion of Saracens from Spain. The Saracens had m Grenada and Cordova a civilization that was equal to the best in .London and Paris today, when London and Paris were in a condi- 50 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT In as arable as ^***S5S ftp*o* of ^^^SffiiSa as soon8as they for they thought the) were going thousand died, hut when Charle s Mar t 1 cap ur £ ttae ^ of them and baptized . them - p*™* £ t them then and it so of the city of Grenada, amV ^ TgL^ST This wall is about and its grounds encloses probablj fifty acres 1 ^ ^ return and we walked through me gaiu ^ carriage road inside of the Amambra gate wa l*em 7^ subsequently saw for climbing Mfc ^e ^f water rfflming constructed of stone and with a clear , ^am down each side, and growing to ascend it by easy grades There ™£™>™ f ft bei very - on the ground through which this y gize to the tall, about eighteen inches m ^"toP IXo^what resem- top, and with no brandies except on ^and ; ^ ^ Wlng our P^J^^SLmtaa, of many various sizes and courts and passages m uj« _ square. Among and shapes, the largest SS>8 a prominent these are elaborate rooms for bathing . ™ ™ everywhere, part of much of the ancient ^^g^gw the Alhambra I would say, from guessing, ^.^"T?^ the ground floor, cover as much as five acres Its main mterest « ™ story and only family rooms and bed rooms bemg m the secon y ^ the budding having, m any part, not ^more ^ ig the m0st striking feature of the architecture o M^A^ ^ ^ large segmental arch s that hold up me p ^ building, the bases of the arches ' resxmg i This made so small that it is surpnsmg ^* architectural seems to have been intended ^ as on of the str Han ^ ^^rSe Or^tZS dtn'their slim supports, DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 51 if this Saracen idea of architecture was not gotten from that strange tree. These columns are made of alabaster and are not ot more than eight inches in diameter and about ten feet high It would seem that some vandal might take a big hammer and create immense rum by breaking one of these columns, but their impunity seems to have been attributable to the evident fact that nobody could break one without being killed under the ruin that would The most wonderful feature of the whole building is the irn- ^IwTf °"eHcat? tracer3' ^ everywhere over the inner walls of the buildings, almost as fine as the lace of a fine window curtain. It is impossible to tell from examination whether these walls are of natural stone or of some kind of composition that was once soft. This tracery on these walls, if spread out on one surface would cover several acres, and there is so much of it that one gets the impression that it was made with stamps when the material t TJ'trVt' T *T TJ S6emS t0 be -ntradicted X the fact that, all the way through this tracery, there is most ex- quisitely done, so much from the Koran, that it would seem that nearly the whole Koran is printed on those walls, and to make ttTl/01' T1/ °f thf W0Uld11be aS ^ a labor as' to chisel ?tt the walls. Thousands, or millions rather, of the leaves and flowers a the ornamentation that completely covers an immense area of these walls, are not larger that a ten cent piece, and vet they have all been painted m many different bright colors almost as perfectly as a piece of hand painted china, and the colors are preserved to being ^ W 7 eonceive of an? of our modern colors 11MTlle1iIoois had possession of Grenada from A. D 700 to A. D 14 JO, and began the building of the Alhambra in 1248 The finest room m the building, or buildings, was devoted to religion and T i m consonanee Mohammedan re- 1 gion, but the Christians on getting possession of it, exercised *hT aSSld?lty J md aMtJ & such cases and so far remod- eled that room for the purposes of Christian worship as to make an mcongrouous hotch-potch that is farcical. Over the altar is a picture of the Virgin Mary and the first of her seven children (see Mat xm: 56 and Mark vi: 3) that would make any enemy of \Z Christian religion who had any taste for art, feel like prosecut- ing the perpetrator of that picture for libel by caricature' There ylZZJ r " °f a SOene in which ^™ the star of Bethlehem from which there are rays supposed to point in the direction of Bethlehem. The artist's idea of that star seems to have been that it was about four times as big as the moon and he 59 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT lightning and a sky-rocket. AlllQTn>m, nharles V began the to We in to second story open . toupon to veranda. which, in heroic proportions, n alal a.tei lie s effigies of the two distinguished person, who f t ^sned t ^ to the money that enabl ed him t .tad ^re to sarcophagi- this elegant monument there is a c jp . . Inch are ^ that hold the remains ot the famous couple iwowa other,, down into the crypt W oft h» U d ^ ^ S^eS^r -en dead fonr Cana^e^^ of the Spanish persuasmn plunk* g a gu^ and all ^ P fa some '^^J*^l^C|eriin«nd and Isabella were mJ side pocket, was imthles J r * or e ^™ ^ gum. bone and steel BP™g^ ^tor Wuxuriaat dimentions of mers was trying to contract tne subsequently, I came to the, Ur S of the & f t^rneaded'eompauiou unload myselt ot tne oeiouem like old from Canada, the guitar ptoker £ young „ £oSr^dleS: when yon go too the public carry- DOG FEXXEL IX THE OBIEXT 53 ing business take out a license and charge enough to pay for break- ages. On the 17th day of February we sailed away from Gibralta to stop next time at Algiers in Africa, 410 miles away. I spent a good part of my time trying to realize that I was on the Mediter- ranean sea. One sea looks just as big as any other when you are out of sight of land, and the wayes on the Mediterranean were just as large as those on the Atlantic. Along much of the run we could see the coast of Africa. My impressions of Africa had always been that it was all flat and level, but here were long chains of mountains. I had from childhood, sung the lines "Where Afric's sunny fountains Eoll down the golden sand," And I had always thought that the "golden sands" meant those of the Pactolean variety, and necessarily alluded to the gold in them, but I now found that it was because the sands were precisely the color of gold, and, though I could not see the "sunny fountains," I could tell from the rows of yerdure that ran through the sands that they were caused by the "sunny fountains," and I thought what a change had come oyer the spirit of my dreams since they sang that hymn at my ordination to the ministry. From my boyhood when I used to make little ships out of shingles and sail them on Elkhorn creek, I had read the beautiful story of "Jumbo and Zairie," two little negroes stolen by slave ships from Africa, and I had believed that some time I would be in Africa and I had pictured to myself the thrilling sensation that I would experience when, for the first time, I would step out upon the almost uninhabited flat shore of that country, and, in the same way, there was along the banks of that same Elkhorn creek a place which, in reading the Xew Testament and thinking about it, much of which I did, I had always connected with thet story of Jesus finding his disciples on the sea of Galilee and the' catching of the immense number of fishes, and there was a large sycamore tree up on the hill, the last of which only disappeared while I was on this tour that I always connected with the story of Zaccheus climbing the sycamore tree to see Jesus, and in our garden not far from our grave-yard, near a row of raspberry bushes, was, in my imagination, the place where Lazarus was raised from the dead, and these things had so grown through all the years of my life that I never had entirely disassociated them with my reading and hear- ing about those places, and now, when the shores of Africa were in sight I was trying, for my own entertainment, to keep in my mind those early impressions of Africa, just to realize how different they 54 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT were from the impressions that were now being forced upon me by what I was actually seeing before me. I said to myself, All things come to those who wait/' if they wait long enough. As the event proved I had been m Algiers long enough to walk in that city, called "the Paris of Africa," a consideable distance, before I thought of my being in Africa, at all. Everybody has heard about the beauty of the bay of Naples, and "see Naples and die," but I found it no more beautiful than fte fairy like'bay and city of Algiers in "darkes t Africa/' the mis- ery and destitution and unhappiness of which had so often been depicted to me from the pulpit and "the religious press by those whose graft it was to raise money to send missionaries there to Christianize and civilize those people. The finest preacher m the State of Kentucky sent to Algiers to convert the Mohammedans in that city would not out half as much ice as any one of thous- ands of Mohammedans who might come from Algiers to Lexington and declaim against the Christian religion by pointing to the Xms and distilleries and big brewery of Lexington, and then show us/from our own newspapers, the misery and crime that are in our midst from the use of liquor, which no Mohammedan will touch, and such a teacher would read to us from their Koran how Mohammed warned them against liquor and then read to us, from our Bible, that the first miracle of Jesus was to make wine The one great eye-sore and heart-sore to the beauty of the bay of Algiers, as was true of all the other beautiful bays that we saw everywhere, was the great collection of warships that belonged to the countries that worship the Prince of Peace and that he there watching each other to kill and rob whenever an opportunity pre- sents itself. The only thing that keeps the Christian religion from bein* ludicrous is the crime and ignorance and outrage of all com- mon sense and justice that are practiced m its name. . ilgiers is built on the side of a mountain that slopes back gradually and it has a population of 180,000. The site of the city fs so steep that the streets have to zigzag to get up the mountain as I have described at the Alhambra, but there are streets for foot passengers only that cross these zigzag streets and go straight up ^ ^nntdolttiie bay, there is a very singular ami beautiful structure a mile or more in length that is built of white stone or marble, and that is four hundred feet broad. It forms a zigzag airway built up on arches, of which there are some hundreds and up this series of inclined plains, which are a beautiful road all sorts of vehicles go, while there are nice side-walks on each side ot it, and every arch forms a beautiful store room m winch a great DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIENT 55 variety of things are sold. Most of foot travelers, however, go from the quay up into the city on great nights of marble steps, thirty or forty feet wide, with various landing places on them where you may stop to rest. In the city all of the side-walks are very wide and are all under the buildings that are built out high above and over them, and are supported by columns of uniform shapes and appearance, all along every square, so that people can pass all over the main part of the city without being exposed to rain or sun except in crossing narrow foot-walk streets that cross these streets that go zigzag up the mountain. There are beautiful shops all along these .streets all of which have signs in Arabic and in French, and which are filled with beautiful things. The French have possession of Algiers and the uniforms of the French soldiers there, as of soldiers everywhere else that we went, form one of the attractive features of the town, but one is continually reminded of the useless waste of money that is neces- sary to keep up the luxurious and worthless soldiers and priests that cumber the earth wherever you go. Nearly all of these military costumes of the different coun- tries, have in them some feature that seems perfectly inconsistent with the calling of soldiers, as the little cap stuck on the left ear of the English soldiers, the long cloaks of the Spanish soldiers, and the great tufts on the toes of the shoes of the soldiers in Athens and Constantinople. In Algiers the peculiar freak in military uni- form is in the length of the legs of the pants, that are made of blood red fine cloth and six or eight inches longer than the legs of the wearers, so that the legs of each pair of French soldier's pants all wrinkled up for a foot at the bottom as if they were especially intended to catch any and all dust and mud, that might be on the move, to the greatest advantage, and until you get to understand the status quo, it gives you the general impression that some kind of a cataclasm has occurred that broke the suspender buttons off of all French soldier's pants and that this part of their wardrobes is likely to come entirely off and drop down upon the streets before they can get to their quarters and repair the damages. I could write a long chapter on "what I know about breeches" based on my experience on the Moltke cruise, and varying all the way from the breeches of the Mohammedans that I saw in Algiers, to the absolute sans culotte Mohammedans that I saw in Egypt. I saw, in Algiers, Mohammedans with breeches on, the seats of which were so long that they were kicked up by the bare heels of their owners as they walked, and a man could, without any difficulty, swipe around the seat of his pants and use it to wipe his nose on. On this statement, as a historian, I stand pat, and disclaim 56 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT any purpose of joke, and challenge the world to disprove my state- ment by any one of the 446 Cookies who traveled with me on the Moltke' The irab is a child of nature and I suppose that the Architecture of' the rear elevation of his pants if he wears any pants at all. was suggested by the big sheep tails of which I hate X°lA I°am beside my job as the editor of a religious paper, a farmer, and I am accustomed to estimating the capacity of gram saefe and I think that the seat of a Mohammedan pair of breech^ would hold two and a half bushels, and it seems to me fl at they could he utilized to carry the family laundry and other domestic lieht weights. I am not going to exaggerate and do not really gfirt the use of these seats of breeches for the transportation of brick and pig iron and things of that kind. I have sees in.tan es of gross exaggeration in Mark Twain s "Innocents v;..;,, ." and whatever may be my imperfections as a historian I am o'oing to avoid that particular rock upon which Mark split InTlfrge majority of instances he was right, but, sometimes Mark missed the mark, as it were. The ■•Mohammedan quarter" in Algiers is, more accurately, about half of the city. The Mohammedan women all dress m white and their faces are all covered with white veils with a slit aero- each one. through which only the eyes of the women can be seen and their eves are very handsome. They are not so punc- tilious about hiding their feet and ankles. These latter are x- ceedinolv shapely and suggest the Shakesperean statement that ^1 S well that ends well.-' The Christian women in Algiers show their faces and adopt the Parisian style of dress Cookies, except me. had money galore, and put m most of their time bnying things in the elegant bazaars or eating elegant and range foods and drinking fine wines in the restaurants which w e imi tenselv large and palatial and a single one of which would n i ianv cases.' be worth a dozen fine restaurants m Louisvi le or Cincinnati I was driven to the necessity of entertaining m; self by trlZ around and seeing things. It is said to be a strange pi Z mlogical fact that none of our senses so vividly recall niemone as 'the sense of smell. I smelled the burning of a horse s hoo that suggested Kentucky and turned around a corner to see a black- smith shop. Three men were employed in shoeing one horse. In Jericho. I afterward saw four big Arabs engaged m putting one shoe on a donkey three feet high. In Algiers the horse-shoe was almost a solid plate that covered the whole bottom of the horse foot" and in Jericho this plate was a solid piece. A large pari of the population of Algiers is of the Spanish persuasion. >o Span- DO(x FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 57" iard, no matter how big the hurry, going for the doctor, house on fire, or anything else, is ever ready to do anything until he has- wrapped around his waist a red scarf varying from ten to fifteen feet according to the bank account of the owner. I was walking along upon the top of that arched viaduct behind a Spaniard. One end of his red scarf had come loose and was dragging for ten feet on the pavement behind him so that I had to skin around no little to keep from treading on it. I thought he knew his own business and, as I could not talk his lingo, I did nothing to notify him of the condition of a part of his wardrobe, especially as the street was- perfectly clean and the red scarf was not getting soiled. The fel- low was walking along in a kind of abstracted mood and it occurred to me that he might be an editor cogitating some enormous lie for an editorial in the next issue of his paper. Finally after walking: about a quarter of a mile, he discovered the condition of that most indispensable piece of his toilet and, without looking around to look at the part of it that was dragging on the pavement, proceeded to wind it around himself without taking his meditative eyes off of the pavement in front of him, as he still walked, and finally, when he felt the fringe on the end of it, he tucked the end under the balance of it, in some way, and walked on unconscious of the incident in his apparel. The head blacksmith, in the shop had a very expansive and expensive red scarf wrapped a dozen or so times around his waist, and then he had one man to hold the horse and another man to hold the horse's foot, in a manner that required that the horse should bend his leg as I had never, until then, known that any horse, even a circus horse, could do, and that Spanish blacksmith, instead of crawfishing up to the horse and taking the horse's foot between his legs, as a Kentucky blacksmith would do, stood right straight up and shod that horse, but at the way he was going at it, if they got the same wages per day that a good blacksmith gets in Kentucky, I did not see how he could afford to shoe that horse all around for less than $13. I got tired and had to leave before they got one shoe half on, and I intended to come back, before the Moltke sailed next day to see if they had finished that horse. The deliberation with which they do things in all that country is in striking contrast with the vim and expedition they put into things in America. In this country there is more to be done than there are people to do it, and everywhere in the -Orient there is less to be done than there are people to do it, and so when a man gets a job he strings it out as long as possible, as doctors are sometimes suspected of doing in America. I saw growing along the sides of the streets the first palm 58 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT tree^ I had ever seen except some diminutive specimens growing under glass, as exotics, in some botanical gardens. I had pulled out a pretty silver-handled knife that my good old neighbor, Mrs. Ietitia P Bobb. had given my daughter and which the latter had loaned me for this tour, and I was experimenting upon the bark of that tree when I was struck on the shoulder by a hand from behind, accompanied by language, in English, that signified that I was arrested. It was an experience that I was so accustomed to that it did not sire any special uneasiness for the instant, but 1 was glad on turning around, to see that it was only a Cookie stray- ing around like I was. I went into a near by park and saw some strange trees that had roots growing in great masses from their limbs twelve or fifteen feet up. and that looked like they had started out to be banyan trees, and. for some reason known only to themselves, finally declined the idea. There were canes thirty feet high about four inches in diameter for five or six feet up, that were so hard and solid that when I struck on them they sounded like china ware. Each joint would hold a half gallon and they could be ,o cut as to make cups or urns or bottles at pleasure, showing that nature has suggested many things that are regarded as purely inventions of men. In that park I saw. as in various places we visited the blue grass that had come from the Blue Grass region of Kentucky and las now onne to almost every place in the world m which it will "amfthat is almost anywhere in the world. Truth is stranger than fiction. In the first settlement of Kentucky a woman „ as hoeing in a little vegitable garden the space for which had been 3 from the virgin forest. She dug up a lit e tuft of some MM and threw it over the fence. It probably fell wrth the : ^ side down. Next spring it was growing there and m June it had Seted and its seed were scattered around so that it was not east to dig it all up. even had there been any desire to do so Horses and ows showed their decided preference for it as a food and it kep good grazing all the year. From that bunch of grass I saw the grass that made a main feature of the beauty «f the parks m Ca no mi Monte Carlo. That bunch of grass made the Bine Gra« region and the race horses and the corn ana the whisht ami ate Democrats and me. and this book, and many other filings of sim- ilar import to which the human race is heir, and that .lie com- monly understood to have resulted from Eve's eating a green apple. I ,aw at \lgiers, for the first time, what I regularly saw fre- quently afterward, the Mohammedans coaling ships by carrying he coal m baskets on their heads. A Cookie gave me the name of a preacher who had told him that he— the preacher- had at- DOG FEXXELTN THE OKIEXT 59 tempted to effect a revolution in this matter, by inducing these heathen to use wheelbarrows instead of baskets ; that he had in- duced the heathen to use the wheelbarrows for three days but that^ on the fourth day, every fellow of them filled his wheelbarrow with coal and then put the wheelbarrow on his head and thus carried its contents until he dumped it. I told the Cookie that that was prominent as a missionary story when I was a small boy, and that his preacher had probably fallen into a fault too common among preachers. On the fine streets of that city I saw one horse with a two wheeled cart that had a body on it thirty feet long, pulling with ease six hogsheads of wine and one hogshead was as large as one of our Kentucky tobacco hogsheads. But as abundant as wine was I saw no Mohammedan drink any of it or of any other kind of liquor while I was gone, except one Arab who was wounded by an accident and took whisky from a doctor in our party. But the elegant leisure of the Mohammedan in Algiers is astounding. I saw them crowded together in little rooms in the better parts of the city, sitting with their feet tucked under them as no white man can do, and drinking coffee and smoking and playing chess and backgammon, just as if they had nothing on earth to do but wait for Mohammed to take them to heaven. In the Mohammedan half of the city they sit out on the streets on mats and thus enter- tain themselves. I never saw a single instance in which any of them were gambling on their games. The Mohammedan's ability to sit with his feet tucked under him seems specially to fit him for the calling of the tailor, and accordingly I saw many of them working as tailors, an interesting fact being that they always sat in windows, like our show windows, right on the street and in the •strongest light that they could get. The only physical imper- fection that I ever saw in any Turk, outside of Jerusalem, where -everybody has all the evils that flesh is heir to, is that he is so near- sighted that, in reading the Koran, they always use their long noses to keep their places. I did not notice whether or not they .also turned the leaves of the Koran with their noses and I do not want to make any positive statements about things that I did not see. The only instance that women were in any way subjugated "by Mohammedan men, that I saw was the following: I passed a market in Algiers where there, was such a collection of strange vege- tables and strange fruits and strange fishes that I determined to go through it as through a free museum. I had years before, been in the famous fish market in London, the name of which from the language current there, has given its name, Billingsgate, to our vocabulary. I had found the London fish market far more orderly 60 DOG FENNEL IX THE ORIENT than I had anticipated, but I still had the idea that there was some- kind of subtle pathology between fish and had language and I had had over sixty years of experience that no human being that ever was born could tell the straight truth about fish. When, therefore, I saw a red hot altercation going on between a man and a woman in the fish department of that market. I hastened over to them, to catch, as best I could, from a language that I did not understand, an item for this book. I repeatedly heard what sounded like Allah, or Allez. I could not tell which, so that I could not tell whether they were savins ccBj God/' in Arabic, or "Git out" in French, but I easily caught that, in either event, the general trend of the ques- tion in issue was the same. The fish, or whatever the thing was that formed the basis for the conflict in views was something that looked like a conglomeration of snake, eel and catfish. The woman would snatch it up and the man would snatch it away from her. Finally she squared herself and turned both ends of her tongue loose on him at the same time, and no two Tom cats in all Jerusalem ever- used anv more profane language toward each other than these two Mohammedan Algerians seemed to be doing, the man firing into the woman whole broadsides of the hottest shot in his vocabulary Finally the woman weakened and threw up the sponge and walked away a sadder but wiser woman ; but it taught me that the infidel Mohammedan had his heel on the neck of woman, for if that argu- ment had happened in Kentucky, a Christian land, that woman, would have dropped dead in her tracks before she would have let that man have the last word. I sauntered alons the streets being surprised among many other things, to see hogsheads packed as full, of sardines, as the proverb suggests. I was walking along parallel with the shore ot the harbor, and getting out of the business part of the town into the residence part, and I saw here the prettiest residences that 1 ever saw. They were five stories high and very large and all white and vellow and all made of stone and stucco with the most beauti- ful carvings or mouldings all over them, and at every window a beautiful balcony held up by Caryatids of the female persuasion and all dressed extremely decollete. I ^iw that outside of the harbor and breakwaters the sea was conducting itself rather violently and I walked to where I could get to ^e it in the exercise of its own sweet will, as I am always willing to do if 1 can watch it from the shore. I saw two young men amus- ing themselves with a dog. The pebbles on the beach were red. white and blue, and they had a white one that they would stand up on a bluff and throw out on the beach when the wave was out and the dog would run down the hill and out on the mass of pebbles- DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 61 .and sand and find that particular pebble which was about as large as a goose egg, catch it up as quickly as possible and then run back to the bluff before the wave could catch him and climb the bank and deliver it to the young men. I thought it a foolish way for young men to spend their time, and then I concluded it was not so bad as some others and then one time the dog could not find the pebble in time and had to run from the wave and leave the pebble, and then I wondered if he could ever find it again, when the salt water had run over it, and washed all possible scent from it, and the young men got another pebble and threw as near as they could to the one that the dog had lost, and the dog brought the second pebble back a great many times and I staid to watch if the dog would find the first pebble and, sure enough, finally the dog did find the first one and came running back with it to the young men, evidently proud that he had found it. But, in the meantime, while _my friends at home were supposing I was sight seeing in a foreign land I had put in more than an hour watching that dog. But I found it a recreation from sight seeing so that when I came across a butting match between a big boy Arab and an old ram, I took a seat on some kind of ship fixings to watch the boy and the ram. There were about a half dozen Arabs watching the performance. The ram would stand off about twenty-five feet and look at the boy, and would stand still until the boy would put his head down in a butting position so that the ram seemed to think he had reason to hope he could butt that Arab's brains out, if the Arab had any brains. The ram would not start at the boy until it seemed to the ram, and to the rest of us, that the boy could not possibly get up "before the ram would hit him, and then the ram, with head down, would start at the boy in a regular battering ram style and about the third jump would be going through the air at the boy. The Arab had on a big heavy wooden sandal, and by the time the ram -was nearly to him the boy would get his foot up and give the ram . a kick in the head that would knock both the boy and the ram about ten feet apart, and the ram with a look of astonishment and a selec- tion of Arabic profane expletives evidently running through his mind, would walk back to what the boys used to call "taw," in play- ing marbles, and wait for the boy to fix himself for another trial. I • could not talk Arab, and was the only one in the party except the ram who could not talk it, but on an evident division of sentiment as to the final outcome of the performance, I sided with those who "believed that the ram would finally butt that boy's brains out or break the boy's neck. I did not feel that the ram was liable to any more injury than to have the boy kick one of his horns off. I left 02 DOG- FENNEL IX THE OEIEXT the two when I was tired of looking at them, no casualty having occurred to either. I started out to go up that mountain until I got to the top of it. and walked about three miles to do so. I found up there some cannon about fifteen feet long and apparently weighing^ with the wheels upon which they were mounted about ten tons. I was surprised that there was nobody there watching those guns, and I was thinking that in my college days I would never have stopped until one of those guns was rolled down that mountain into the sea, if it had been necessary for a hundred boys to work all night every night for a week to do it. I pulled out my note-book and was mak- ing some remarks about those guns with my pencil, when I had a sort of a telepathic feeling that somebody from behind me was looking at my note book, and a side glance showed me that there was a great big soldier with blood reel breeches on him with legs a foot too long, and big musket in his hand, and an expression on his face that seemed to be one of wonderment as to what kind of a nondescript spy I was that had come there, from some where, to write for the enemy an account of the military equipments of that place, and the fellow did not seem to have any better feeling for me from the fact that I did not understand his language. He looked at me and said something that was either Arabic, or some Erench that had not appeared in 'Ollendorff s Method/5 from which I had learned all I knew of that language, except a little that I had had to learn or starve and that pertained to getting grub when I had once walked across France with a knapsack on my back, soon after our civil war— for particulars of which see "Behind the Bars; 31498," for sale at this office ; price $1. I assumed that that bloody looking chap said to me. that if I did not get down that mountain the way I came, and do it p. d. q. I would probably witness the daylight shine through the middle of my anatomy, and I went, and did not stand on the order of my going. Then I came to a Mohammedan grave-yard and went into it and sat down on a funny kind of a tomb-stone, that looked like a Dutch bake oven, very demurely, and said to myself that all of those dead fellows enjoyed the advantage of not being afraid .that some fellow was going to kill them. I have been a shorthand writer for twenty- five years, and can read and write anything in shorthand that the manVho invented it ever could. The inscriptions on the Moham- medan tombs looked wonderfully like shorthand, so I picked out one that was written in gold leaf, and somewhat to steady my nerves after the interview with that bloody soldier, I figured out one of those Arabic epitaphs so as to get it into English. It was as follows : "Eecatues day casion necess Saturday occasion Satur- DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 63 clay resrection ricnality Saturday resrectionness time neither occa- cionality." Then I could not read the other very intelligibly but, from what I had read; I got the general impression that the fellow calculated upon being resurrected upon Saturday. I subsequently saw the hyeroglyphics on the obelisk at Helio- polis and concluded that Champollion had read that and others of its kind about like I had read the Mohammedan's epitaph. I be- lieve that if old Sesostris II could be resurrected now and should read the translations of some things he wrote, he would laugh him- self to death. I went again down town and ran up against the first mosque I had ever seen. I did not see anybody around and did not under- stand the ceremonies requisite for getting in, so I just started in through the first door I found going into the thing. When I got in a little distance I came to a court and found my young friend Phillips sitting there painting a picture of an Arab boy whom he had paid the equivalent of fifty cents to sit as a model for him, but I went on into the part of the mosque where the worshiping is done, and saw and heard, some Mahommedans saying their prayers and others lying around on the rugs on the floor asleep. A Mahom- medan has a genius for dropping down and going to sleep, just anywhere, and anytime, that is only equaled by a Constantinople dog. Whether the dog got into that habit by associating with the Mohammedan, or the Mohammedan got it from associating with the dog I do not know, but, in Constantinople, it is plain that the Mohammedan and the dog get pointers from each other in the science of sleeping. I had heard, of course, from way back, that you had to take your shoes off on entering a mosque, and, as every Mohammedan has to worship five times a day I suppose they got into the habit of going barefoot, all the year around, so as to be in good shape to go to church on short notice. I did not see anybody around except those who were praying and those who were asleep and as both kinds seemed to be too busy to pay any attention to me, I con- cluded to risk keeping my shoes on, and I was walking around and taking in the sights and deporting myself quite genteelly, as I thought, when a great big fellow, the principal of whose attire was his turban and the seat of his breeches, walked up to me and made some remark that sounded like he wanted me to put it in italics and small caps if I ever printed it. Being in Arabic I stared at him about like an average idiot to show him that it was no go. Shaking your head, in that country, don't count, as indicating that you don't understand, for all the people shake their heads all the time. Even "Old Arkansaw" who would talk as quietly and rea- m DOG FENNEL IX THE OEIEXT ^onably as anybody else, when he was talking American, would go through all tlie capers of a suple Jack as soon as he got to talking French and though a perfectly docile man when he was talking ^the American language-he did not affect English-would get so excited when he turned himself loose on some fellows m French that I would stand off a few feet until he got back into the Arkan- -saw language, and when "Old Arkansaw" had spoken to a man in the American language, and then., tried him in French and both of us had talked all" the Italian we could make up from its resem- blance to Latin, and -'Old Arkansas" had vainly appealed to me lo -ee if I could not do something with the fellow m Greek, and the fellow -till did not understand, "Old Arkansaw"would always damn the fellow in the Arkansaw language, and tell him he ought to go to night school, and leave the fellow with the air of a man who felt that he had come across the ocean to swallow an insult from an insolent foreigner that he would not take at home The big Mohammedan dropped Arabic and then tried on me something that sounded like the Portuguese fruit and flower ped- dler- in Madeira, and then something that sounded like Alhambra Spanish and then he dropped into French, in which I soon caught enough of it to get onto the words, "bas les souliers, and m three -hakes of a sheep's tail— American sheep— I was getting out ot my -hoes as expeditiously as possible. I remembered that once, when I wa- younger, I had tried the experiment of keeping on my hat, in St Paul's Cathedral in London, and a fellow had come up to me and made me take my hat off and I thought I would go that Mahommedan one better, and I took my hat off too and started on with the straps of my shoes strung over the middle finger of mv left hand and with my hat in my right hand, and then the big Mohammedan came to me again and made me put my hat on and I after found that it is against the religious principles of any Mohammedan ever to take his turban or fez off, as long as he lives, and I don't think he ever does it after he dies. In all the hotels that we saw anywhere m the Orient all the waiter- at table and everywhere else were Arab Mohammedan men and none of them ever took his fez off. So that if you ever go across the Atlantic and into the places of worship, remember when you go into a house that has a cross on it you must pull off your hat and keep on your shoes and when you £0 into a house with a crescent up on top of it, you must pull off your shoes and keep on your hat. Eeligious creeds are like "tastes f there is "no accounting for" them. Some ingenious fellow with a head for statistics and a kodak could go oyer the same route that we did, and get up an illustrated DOG- .FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 05 book on the ornamentation and harness of horses, donkeys and priests that would make him a fortune. The horse collar and har- ness assume a variety of shapes, the one most resembling ours in America having the collar and hames turned upside down. At Naples and at Nice they have on their harness at the place where the saddle goes, a thing made principally of brass that it seemed to me would cost twenty-five or fifty dollars, on a horse that was pulling a cart that would not sell for more than $3 on Cheapside, in Lexington. If I could have brought home one of those things and have presented it to a committee of representative Lexington harness makers, horsemen and musicians they would have probably decided that it was some kind of a harp with bell attachment and the strings off, and my Bohemian harpist friend, Barborka, would have tried to string it so as to plunk it. At some of these places no horse nor donkey had a bit in his mouth, though the Bible says "a bit for the horse's mouth and a rod for the back of a fool." In- stead of a bit there was a bright piece of metal that curved around the horse's face, about two inches above his nose and stuck out about eight inches on each side, and the reins were fastened to the ends of these protruding pieces. Carts with great wheels six or seven feet in diameter, were so balanced that the shafts tended to fly up all the time and were only held down by a strong strap under the bottom of the horse that almost lifted the horse off the ground instead of smashing him down, as we do in this country. In some places the legs of donkeys were so artistically trimmed that they resembled the black and white mosaics in Pompeii, and suggesting that the business end of an Oriental donkey did not have the reputation of the American mule, else no man would ever survive the intimacy with his hind legs that all of that tonsorial mosiac implied. But the priest was not to be outdone in tonsorial interest by his coadjutor and fellow laborer the donkey. The priest, in capillary effect, rung all the changes from a shaven pate and shaven face, to long hair tucked up behind like a woman's and beards that discounted anything that had ever struck that country • until I went among them. Their head rigs varied all the way from a brimless skull cap that looked like a bald head, to a hat with a brim as big as an umbrella and that had to be hauled in with a rope, like a latteen sail, on a Nile boat, so that they could tack against the wind. In other instances the priests wore hats like our American "stove-pipe" hats except that the crown was knocked out and stuck down on the head while the brim of the hat was on top. That plan of wearing the hat may have originated in some 66 DOG FEXXEL IN THE ORIENT desire to catch water when it rained in the Orient, a thing that does not often occur there. T I saw some hearses in Algiers that laid it over anything I hare ever seen since Barman's circus was in Lexington when Barnum and Jnmho were in their halcyon days. I thought that n mvfrknd Col. Will Milward, of Lexington undertaking tame, Suld manage to get one of those hearses to Lexington and put >t on exhibition. 'there would be hundreds of the leading-. Irish ans- ZS of Le-ngton who would pay him each $1 000 m advance and then die just for the pleasure of being buried with that hearse and I thought, therefore, that it would be well for the Sgton Chamberof Commerce to offer Col. Milward a bonus to ^il^tZ^X^ an overlooked suggestion that those French soldiers were having their legs pulled when they were measured for their breeches. I heard a parrot talking something that I suppose was Arab I went up to him and said enquiringly, "Polly want a cracker? He looked at me pitvingly-almost with tears m his eyes I heard about a square ol what I supposed must be a political spee U ome fellow running for Mayor or Congress or something of that kind. I heard what I imagined must be spell-binding peals of eloquence about tariff, trusts and the Monroe doctrine and was del n ed with the prospect of hearing a grand oration m Arabic I intended to state in my book how orderly and quiet the people "not veiling and cheering and hissing and eat calling an whistling and saving "come off" and "go way back and sit ^ down, Tm "what are you giving us?" and "crawl off and dm," like two or hrle ttnurel of theinwould be saying in Lexington. I turned ?he bar, corner of one of those zigzag streets and came sudden y upon the orator. He was standing up on a large box trying to e l at auction, a beautiful, long lace curtain the match to which I suppose he had in the seat of his pants, and his only atichence he had was five small children that he seemed to have hired to stand here to start a crowd. I waited a while hoping a gang of Cookie women would come along and help the fellow by buying it, for I had seen them buy enormous lots of lace, and heard them spend hours in scheming how to beat the custom house officers when they g0t There ^Ine'fellow that beat me, but he had to beat a stew- pan with a hammer to do it. He was a very nice looking man, just E along the street beating on the bottom of a stew pan, or SfiHblt looked like some foreign brand o a stew-pan, and beTting it with something that looked like a tack hammer m the DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 67 Arabic language. If I could have asked that man what his graft was I would have done so. I hate to go up against anything that I can't understand. I had two days to spend in Algiers and I fol- lowed that fellow for a mile and a half through the finest part of the city, and we passed thousands of people of every kind and description and nobody stopped him or seemed to regard that he was making more than his legitimate amount of racket, and I finally quit him in despair of finding out what his job was and as far as I could see and hear him he was still beating on that stew- pan with that tack hammer. I thought about that fellow for four or five thousand miles, and one day, in Smyrna, I looked into a laundry that I was passing and there was a fellow ironing clothes. He had all the clothes down on the floor and he had a great big stew-pan like that smaller one I had seen that fellow have in Algiers, and the fellow in Smyrna had one of his two bare feet in that stew pan and had hold of its handle that was about two and one-half feet long and he was getting around over those clothes like he thought he was at a skating rink and he was slicking them out in a style that would have given a pointer to a Chinaman. I supposed the pan was hot but if his foot was frying I could not smell it. I remembered the fellow that I had followed in Algiers, and concluded that if he was not a drummer for a laundrv I would have to give it up. _ The only two women that I saw that didn't have veils over all their faces except their eyes were a couple of toothless old women whose faces were not sufficiently beautiful to be dangerous to the public morals, and as they chatted to each other I wondered if they were talking gum Arabic. I saw an old Arab writing and he was so near sighted that he had to turn his head sidewise to keep from blotting the ink with the end of his nose, but I looked over his shoulder at his writing and the whole page was as perfect as a printed page of an Arab newspaper. I saw all the machinery and workmen of an Arabic newspaper in an office twelve feet square and they were doing good work too — that is, I suppose they were; I looked over one of the papers and I could not find any typographical errors. I think the pressman carried his monkey wrenches, oil cans, mallets, shooting-sticks and all small articles of that kind in the seat of his breeches. It was getting near time for the Moltke to sail and I sauntered back toward the quay to go aboard. I fell in with two Cookies. In the course of conversation one of them said "God made the world and rested, and then he made man and rested and then he made woman and neither God nor man have ever rested since 68 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT then " I asked him if he was a married man and he said he was. The other fellow alluded to Kentucky as the place where the corn is full of kearnels and the Colonels full of corn." I looked at him as if I did not appreciate his allusion. Wren I sot on the ship I got into a strange conversation with a German who had come over to America, made his barrel of money long ago, and was then on his annual trip with his wife and one daughter I said to the old fellow that his daughter was a beautiful young woman. He said, yes, she was good looking and just as good as she looked but he said he had another one at home just as good looking as that one that was a devil; that she had married a man with a million dollars and that she was so damned mean that she would rob her own daddy and mammy of every dollar they had it she cIont^ieC^00' lQgize t0 the old fellow for his daughter and show him how a little good management would sometimes smooth over anv little domestic unpleasantness, but the old fellow said he had had better opportunities to know about his daughter than 1 did, and that she was a she devil, and I had to give m rather than raise a quarrel with him. nn,mir nf The prettiest girl on the steamer was Miss Stella Bomar ot Boise Idaho. I told her one day that she looked so much like the Sest girl in my neighborhood, at home, Miss Juliet Damger- fle d and danced so much like her that I wanted to talk to her but I said vou are from the North and you would not like Miss Dam- gertield 'because her father was a Confederate M^or under Stone- wall Jackson," and the Idaho young woman said Oh, that won t hurt her in my estimation; my father was from the South and I am a Rebel and Democrat and voted the Democratic ticket last year. CHAPTEE III. Our next sail was 573 miles landing us on February 21st, at Valetta in Malta, called in the 'New Testament Melita, where Paul was ship-wrecked and had the incident with the snake, the particu- lars of which are given in the 27th and 28th chapters of Acts. 1 was looking out for the Maltese cat but did not find it even in the catacombs at Citta Vecchia in the island. This island of Malta is the first place to which we came that is alluded to in the Bible The stories about snakes and fish in the Bible being difficult of acceptance by the unregenerate mind, as is generally true of snake and fish stories to this day, the clergy seemed to deem it inexpe- dient to spring a Bible snake story on the Cookies, for a starter, before they had, by degrees, become accustomed to the contempla- tion of Bible stories on the grounds where they are alleged to have occurred. At the town of Citta Vecchia, to which we went on a railroad, and which is ten miles from Valetta, there is a statue of Paul, of heroic size, representing him as having trouble with a snake, but the sculptor either had never read the Few Testament account of that snake, or did not think its proportions as suggested by the New Testament were sufficient to make it imposing in statuary, and so he seems to have taken the snake with which Laoccoon had trouble, as his model, and the snake that the New Testament says Paul shook off of his hand into the fire is represented in the statue as being about seventeen feet long and he has gotten himself wrapped around Paul in very ugly shape. I am not disposed to institute any adverse criticism of any snake story where the pro- portions of the snake are reasonably limited as in that account in the New Testament, and I do not believe that the conclusion of the people of that island, in those days, that Paul was "a god" because he did not drop dead when the snake bit him, was a logical sequi- tur. If that snake had been a copperhead, or rattler, from the mountains of Kentucky, the story might have staggered my faith in the New Testament record, but I would respectfully suggest to Christian missionaries in foreign lands, and to the devout among the Knights Templar, to whom Malta is holy ground, or rock, that the statue of Paul and the snake at Citta Vecchia is an unwar- 70 DOG FENNEL IN THE OBIENT ranted handicap of the New Testament record that is calculated to make gainsayers among the heathen, and that the proportions of that snake on the statue of Paul ought to be curtailed some eight or ten feet. There are many people talking against the credibility of the Bible, any way, and they are looking up the fish and snake stories of the Bible, and when the trend of the popular mind seems, at best, to be toward incredulity upon these points, it seems to me good policy to have all New Testament impressions, from what- ever source, as easy as possible of acceptance. We went to see the place where Paul was imprisoned there. It is a big hole cut in the solid rock that slants downward into rather extensive quarters. The apartments are now all ornamented with the statuary and pictures and candles in which the Catholic church seems to love to luxuriate. Near by are the catacombs into which many of us started and the complete circuit of which probably half of us, including myself, made, but it was too gloomy and suffocating for many, especially of the ladies, and they backed out, literally, after sampling a little of it. The dead had all been taken out. The graves were all cut m the solid rock along on each side of the passages. Citta Yecchia was founded 700 B. C. There is a church there that has a foot of Lazarus in it, and at Borne there is a church with a hand of Mary Magdalene in it. The Catholic church has a habit of chopping up its saints and distributing them around for revenue and propagandism, in various places, and sometimes they do not properly keep tally and you can count up entirely too many hands and feet to belong to any one saint. The guides did not say, or at least I did not hear them say, whether the foot of Lazarus at Citta Yecchia is of the Lazarus who was a poor man who lived in Jerusalem or of the rich Lazarus who lived at Bethany, where Jesus used to visit. In either event it involves some theological interest, The story of Dives and Lazarus which, in America, seems to be regarded as a parable is, in J erusa- lem, understood to be as literally true as any other story of the New Testament and we were^ shown the stone upon which Lazarus used to sit and the house in which Dives lived, still in good repair. That poor Lazarus, according to the New Testament, went to heaven, and, from Abraham's bosom, talked to Dives in hell, against which latter the only charge seems to have been that he was rich and did not give to Jerusalem beggars, and I am afraid that that principle will get some of our Cookies into trouble in the sweet by and by. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 71 If that Lazarus is now in the enjoyment of the full possession -of all his parts, and the doctrine of the resurrection of the body is true, it gets to be interesting to know how one of his feet can now be in Citta Yecchia and probably several more of his feet in other places, the genuineness of all these feet being vouched for by the infallible Catholic church. If, on the other hand, the foot in Citta Yecchia is -chat of the rich Lazarus that Jesus was accustomed to visit in Bethany, and that Jesus raised from the dead, did that Lazarus die the second time and have that foot cut off of his corpse, or did he and his friends agree to the amputation before his second death, in order to leave that foot as a souvenir to the Catholic church ? The doctrine of Hebrews ix. 27, seems to indicate that no man can die more than once. Some proper adjustment of little inconsistencies like this is highly desirable to stop the trend toward scepticism that is now becoming so prevalent. The railway from Yaletta to Citta Yecchia is beautiful and has wonderful masonry on it, and has the most beautiful station houses I have ever seen. Each station house is a gem of architec- ture and is immaculately clean and around each one are exquisite grounds and beautiful flowers in highly artistic beds and on frames and walls, and trees for ornament and fruits, those hanging- heavy with ripe oranges and lemons, abounding there as they were almost everywhere on our cruise. The greater part of the country is quite level and though the fields are all about one-third stones averaging about the size of a hen egg, they are cultivated with comparative ease, and are very productive, grapes being a common crop. I saw many cacti of the variety represented on Mexican money, that look like thick batter-cakes fastened together at the edges. These cacti were ten feet high, with leaves fifteen inches long and each leaf weighing probably ten pounds. On the edges of these leaves there were, just coming out, some beautiful red blooms, that developed into a beautiful red fruit about the size and shape of a Kentucky pawpaw which I saw, later, further on in markets in the Orient and samples of which I failed to eat. Malta is sixty miles around and has a population of 156,000 natives and 40,000 English soldiers. Of these 40,000 people live in Yaletta and twenty-six villages around it. Six years ago some snow fell there, the only time it had ever been known there. The roofs of the houses, as is nearly always the case where there is no snow, are all flat and made of stone, with walls around the edges, so that people who come up onto them from stairs inside will not fall off. On many of these houses there were piles of loose stones the purpose of which I could not And out. 72 DOG FENNEL IN THE OEIENT The country is all divided up into fields of an average of an acre or two each, and each field has a heavy stone fence around it. These fences not only answer the ordinary purpose of fences but afford places upon which to pile the stones that are too large to be left in the fields— "killing two birds with one stone/' as it were. I saw a place where an ancient aqueduct, now disused, had the openings of its arches filled up and is now used for a fence. The headgear of women in all countries and ages has been phenomenal, comparatively but a small part of woman's head cov- ering being intended to protect them from heat or from cold. In Nice and Naples the native women wore nothing on their heads and seemed to experience no inconvenience from it. They had splendid hair and good complexions. The women's bonnets, in Malta are very singular. They are all a solid black, without any ornamentation, and stick out, on the right side of the head fully a foot, and do not come out at all on the left side, but stick close up to her head, so the woman cannot see anything on the right side of her without turning to do so, and can see anything on the left side of her without this inconvenience. The bonnet has a black skirt of the same material to it, that hangs down to her knees all around her. So that a Malta woman with only her bonnet on is as near in "Ml dress," strictly speaking, as the average Ameri- can belle is at a ball. When the wind is blowing, at all, a Maltese woman has to occupy her right hand entirely to keep her bonnet on. It looked almost as unreasonable as our American women making their dresses so long that they have to occupy one hand to hold them up off the ground. In entering Malta from the quay, I went through a part of the wall around it, and estimated that the wall was ninety feet thick and one hundred feet high. This is partly of the natural stone and partly of masonry. A beautiful foot walk, twenty feet wide is cut out of the solid rock with mallet and chisel, which is all an inclined plane leading up into the city, the roof of this walk being a contin- uous arch, and its sides resting on columns and arches cut in the solid stone. At the end of this walk there is a stairway of ore hundred and five steps about fifteen feet each in length, with land- ings every twenty steps, the whole zizagging up the hill into the main part of the city. There was some kind of a pre-lenten carnival going on and there were many masoueraders in the streets especially among chil- dren. They were using confetti, about which I will tell you when we got to Cairo. Cookie women bought much lace at Malta. When I was waiting at the station of the railway to go to DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 73 Citta Vecchia, I met a man who was one of our party and who proved to be an interesting character. I was attracted to him by his general appearance. He said his name was D. Atwater and that during the civil war he had been a Federal soldier from Con- necticut, and he then lived at Tahiti in the South Seas. He said he would not belong to the G. A. R., and he damned the United States Government for its Philippine policy. He knew all the details about the Confederate .General, John Morgan, being in the penitentiary at Columbus, Ohio, and told me that he himself had several times been in the penitentiary, so that I saw that I did not have any lead pipe cinch on that notoriety. I asked him if he had been sent to the penitentiary for anything in connection with mili- tary matters and he said not. People generally feel some embarrassment in telling what they were sent to the penitentiary for, but Atwater seemed not to do so, and would have told me except that I had to get aboard the train. If, some of these clays, the honest men who have been in peniten- tiaries, get justice into their hands, and put into penitentiaries all the rascals who were instrumental in sending them there, there will have to be a great enlargement of our penitentiaries. Maltese women all ride horses astride. Nearly every field would have a well in it, and all of the wells were arranged just alike. Each well had a stone over it about six feet square, through -the center of which was a hole for the pitcher to go through. On each side was a stone post and from the top of one of these posts to the other was a stone beam over which a rope ran, to draw up the stone jug, or pitcher, and by each well was a big stone block out of which a kettle-shaped opening was scooped that would hold :about ten gallons, and any of these looked as old as the outfit at the well, near Bethlehem, out of which the "wise men from the East" drank when they were following the star to Bethlehem, the trough -there being said to be the same one that the wise men drank out of, .and really"] ooking like it might be two or three thousand years old. I traveled twenty-five miles in Malta and saw only one cat .and that was not a Maltese, and I saw 1,000 miles of stone fence, in good snake weather, and never saw a snake, though I saw enough "Maltese crosses to make up for the shortage in cats and snakes. The Catholic nun beggar was in evidence there, as every where '■else that we went. I have heard and read a great deal about beauti- ful nuns, but all of that variety died before I was born. February 22nd was Sunday, and also Washington's birthday «on the ship just like it is in America. At the 7 o'clock dinner the dining saloons were elegantly decorated with flags, the menu .cards had Washington's picture on them and Washington was U DOG FENNEL IX THE ORIENT variously clone up in the culinary art and after dinner speeches, said manv complimentary things about him. The band played national airs of different countries, including our Dixie whicn always had its applause, from us from the South especially Kev C H Maxson, from Marquette Michigan, preached a sermon that had good morals in it, and then explained that all who- did not believe his religion would go where there would be no trouble about coal strikes and blockades of business by snow and blizzards, and made the outlook pretty lurid for a considerable part of his audience. . , In the evening I heard one male Cookie ask another one, "What are we ping to stop in Greece for?" and the other one said "Danifmo, unless it's to coal." _ On the 23rd of February we landed at Piraeus, the seaport oi \thens and ten miles from Athens. I never had been able, to realize that there were people living now who could speak Greek, and even children that could get over all the intricacies of a Greek verb until I actually heard them doing it, and saw Greek written and printed everywhere just as our English is. There was a wilderness of shipping 'in the bay, and the town was all clean and up-to-date, havSfmany very tall and small chimneys for factories There were many new buildings and handsome people and pretty moun- tains. I tried to see if there was any discernable reason why that country should have become so signally famous and concluded that the conditions were probably much more favorable to make Greece what it was in history than is true of most countries. I had thought much of Byron's saving "Tis Greece but living Greece no more, and not remembering that that was said in 1829, I was not prepar- ed for the immense improvement that had occurred m Greece since ^Athens is 470 miles from Malta. At Athens we were in the coun- trv of Greek Christianity, the religion of Russia, and if religions are to be judged by their influences upon the people who embrace tnem, the Greek Catholic is the best of all the varieties _o Chris- tianity Athens is, in my estimation, the most delightful of all the Christian cities in the world. There are no beggars of any kind in it-not even nuns begging for the church, as is the case in all countries where there are Roman Catholics. The people of Athens are the happiest looking people I ever saw. Everybody that you see on the streets of either sex is eleanlv dressed and a great many of them elegantly dressed, and all in the stvles of Paris. Of course this excepts the soldiers. The to diers wear knee breeches and white stockings and have a mo s peculiar tuft on the toes of their shoes. This tuft is nearly as DOG FENNEL IN- THE OEIEXT 75 large as the average man's fist and it looks like a soft brush, such as might be used to brush velvet. Its appearance is very absurd and it looks like it would be exceedingly inconvenient, and seems especially inappropriate for any military dress. King George and his wife are very democratic in their style and go among their citizens and the only thing about the city that is out of repair — if we except the ancient ruins — is the royal palace. The palace compared with many others that we saw, is- quite plain, and some parts of it actually needing repairs and the gardens are not kept in real palatial style. A number of us gentlemen went to the palace before the hour for the gates of the garden to open, and were told by the guard that we could not get in until a later hour, but when he noticed that we were waiting with no very good place to sit down, he pointed to a side gate and, on going there, the guard let us in without any one to watch us and we walked around and pulled and ate tangerines that seemed to be wasting in abundance on the trees. There was a fine band of forty pieces that made elegant music in front of the palace. At the proper hour, butlers in very handsome uniforms conducted us through the palace. We had lunch at very handsome hotels and the carriages were ready to take us around to see the famous ruins of Athens. The first place we visited was the Stadium. It was built B. C. 130, to celebrate the Olympian games. It was all of white marble, with seats for 75,000 people, and the barbarians had used the marble to burn and make lime, and the whole place is now being repaired in a way that requires almost an entirely new building, but exactly the style of the original one will be retained. They have been working on it for five years and it will take three more to complete it. The cost, up to this time, is $600,000, the workmen getting $1.25 a day. The marble is brought from the quarry fifteen miles from there, and this expense is being borne by private citizens, some of them being Americans. The Olympic games are conducted there now and in 189G some of our Yale college students won prizes there for throwing the hammer and throwing the discus. The building is nearly the shape of a horseshoe magnet, the area inclosed being abundantlv large for chariot races. The building consists of seats the lowest of which is only about ten feet from the level of the arena and then they slope back each row of seats rising above each other and space to walk between each row of seats, but with no roof. A canopy of cloth will probably be used to take the place of a roof during the times the games are being conducted. Among these seat- are some that are specially handsome for the judges and two that are 76 DOG FENNEL IN THE OEIEXT much handsomer than any others, to be used only by the King and Queen k number of us sat for a few seconds each m these royal seats and found them very luxurious. I suppose that these marble seats will be covered with cushions during the games. There is standing now in the arena a remarkable piece of statuary that was exhumed from the ruins of the old building entirely uninjured and is now placed in the arena to stand there permanently. It seems strange that such a piece ot statuary could ever have stood to be viewed by both sexes, at the same time, by any civilized people and seems even stranger now. But it was intended originally as a lesson to instruct men m preparing them- selves for the struggles in the Olympic games and it is retained there for its historical interest, as it should be, if not still to teach its original lesson. Both sexes of our party walked by this statue when they could but see its distinguishing feature, and yet ot course none of us ventured to make any remark about it. 1 do not believe I ever would have guessed the significance of it as given to the men by the guides, and I suppose its alleged significance went around among all the women, married and unmarried, through men who told their wives what the guide? said it meant. Anions the Greeks physical culture was a part of their religion because they rightly reasoned that the healthliness of the body had much to do with the healthiness of the mind, and while it is true that the labor of the mechanics and farmer and of other physical callings is more conducive to health than the labor that is expended in o-ames it was probably true then, as it is now, that the perverted notion of the dignity of labor, such as. in the Bible, represents labor as a curse instead of the greatest blessing of man, made the rich in those days, avoid useful labor while they were willing to undero-o useless labor and the Olympic games were the most avail- able means of getting the rich to take strong and hard physical exercise The labor of today which is encouraged m our great American institutions of learning by gymnasiums and games, it put into cultivation of the soil, or working at mechanical pursuits, would be verv much more interesting and healthful to the students and would be a source of valuable income to their institutions, and fit the students for practical usefulness in after life, but to use the plainness of Carlisle, the students are fools and the presidents and professors and boards that have charge of them are fools also, and this -tate of affairs will continue until by degrees, what Thomas Paine called "The Age of Season" gets here— a state more devoutly to be desired than the millennium that religionists are trying to bring about. . . , , The lesson of that statue, in the Stadium, is >o important, DOG- FENKEL IN THE OEIEXT 77 whether correect, or incorrect, that I will say more and say it plainly, about it than I would otherwise do. To be plain then it is intended to teach, so the guides say, that men in preparing them- selves for the Olympic contests should refrain from sexual indul- gence. I think that the most competent thought of this age says that, in this matter, as in all other natural and necessary appetites, not total abstinence, but moderate indulgence is that which is most conducive to health of mind and body. I believe that the interpretation put upon this statue, by the Greek guides is the true one, because they, more perfectly than others, have the traditions of their ancestry and have many other sources, like this, from which to deduce the ideas of ancient Greece and they appreciate, even fuller than the most intelligent of us can do, that no Greek in the halycon days of Greek supremacy, could ever have been guilty of putting that statue there as a mere piece of obscenity as it might be construed by such common men as Anthony Comstock and his ignorant minions that wear the ermine in the Ignited States and have control of the mail of our government. Certainly there is not in that statue any thing that appeals to the licentious in man, though it was made in an age when the Greeks, in painting and in sculpture, could and did put into both of those arts such depictions of sexual love as almost breathed and warmed with nature, as I saw in a painting of the story of G-alitea in one of the galleries of Athens. That statue that would not be allowed to be exposed in any public place in America was put where it is for a moral purpose and literally makes its argument so that "he who runs may read," and yet American fools and pseudo-moralists, who would crack it into stone with which to pave our streets, will fill American gal- leries with paintings and statuary that have no other import or purpose than an appeal to the sexual passions of both sexes, married and unmarried, who may visit them, without the criticism of church or state. The great cathedrals of Europe have pictures of .Mary Magdalene the patron saint of the calling that wears her name to this day, she being the most intimate friend of Jesus, and these pictures of that woman are the most lascivious imaginable. That statue in the Stadium if of a man and woman, life size, standing back to back against each other and merging into a square pillar such as the pillars that have on them the head and bust of Mercury and were used, anciently, by the Greeks to mark the boundaries of their lands, but some of the details I am not willing to give in this book, that is intended for miscellaneous reading. 78 DOC FENNEL IN THE ORIENT Cookie women kodaked almost everything they saw, but they drew the line at that statue. A most important — probably the most important — thing now for American naturalists and scientists to do is to repress the unscientific fools and religious bigots and hypocritical and licentious judges that have charge of the information on sexual affairs who are keeping secret the most important matters regarding the laws of health, in their ignorance and stupidity, regarding "obscene literature," and to put in the places of all such people, scientists .and moralists and specialists in this department, who will, sup- ported and encouraged by this government, give to the people, at nominal rates of cost, or free, as our agricultural reports are given, the proper information on this important question. As it is now, this valuable information is withheld from the people "by the same people who are spending millions of dollars to spread before the youth of the land, backed by the government, the Bible that in the Old and the New Testaments, makes a heroine of a professional bawd like Eahab, and makes of old rakes like David .and Solomon ideals of the kind of men that God loved and that presents Paul, a bachelor, as the proper party to teach men how to manage their wives and children. I regard that statue in the Stadium in Athens as the most important piece of statuary in Europe— not that I suppose its lesson as understood bv modern Athenians, is necessarilv the right ■one, but that it shows a willingness of the finest people known to history to publicly instruct upon a subject that is only impure to those who are impure and of whom I quote, "Unto the pure all -things are pure, but unto them who are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure," the whole otherwise good sense of the passage being married by putting "unbelief" a mere intellectual quality, or phe- nomenon in the same category with defilement in morals, and hence we have societv full of moral lepers who assume to lead the people because they vaunt themselves upon the orthodoxy of what they be- lieve. We went from the Stadium to visit the temple of Jupiter. 'This was completed 530 B. C. and it took 600 years to build it. 'The people who built the temple of Jupiter stand to this day unequaled in intellect by any race of men who have ever lived, and there were among them specimens of moral heroism, that have never had their moral equals to this day. When Paul preached Chris- tianity among them it is said that it was "unto the Creeks foolishness" (1. Cor. i.23) and yet the Christian religion prevails in Athens at this day. Had you said to the builders of the temple .of Jupiter that some day it would be all in ruins and that Christian DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 79 -churches would be built all around it, you would have been called :a fool for your pains. If you say to the Christian of this day that in ,2,500 years from now, Macauley's "gentleman from New .Zealand will sit upon the broken arch of London bridge to sketch the ruins of St. Paul/' or that St. Peter's at Eome will be so mixed up with the ruins now in Rome that only the expert can tell one from the other, you will be called a fool for your pains, by every Catholic in the world, while every Protestant in the world will believe it, either intelligently because history repeats itself, or because "the wish is father to the thought." The .temple of Jupiter originally had 95 columns; it has now only 15, one having fallen, sixteen years ago in an earthquake; the fallen column lying right where it fell, giving you a better idea of their proportions than the standing ones. These columns are sixty feet high and six feet in diameter at the base, sloping to about five at the top, and are all fluted by grooves about six inches wide and four inches deep, the grooves running from one end to the other, leaving a space of about two inches between them and being adapted to the slope of the columns. These columns are all of -white marble, but they are stained brown from the weather, except in protected parts of them that are still perfectly white. These columns are made of blocks about five feet long which are so per- fectly fitted together that the columns appear to be monoliths. 'These pieces are fastened together by iron bolts that are fastened in each piece so as to fit tight into corresponding holes in the block above it. Running all along, from the top of one of these columns to another, are stones which seem to be about twenty by five, by five or six feet. These longitudinal stones have on them much handsome carving. Some of them are solid and in good state of preservation and some that are still up on the columns are so badly broken that they seem liable to fall at any time. I suppose that, unless those columns are destroyed by war or earthquake, •some of them will be standing 1000 years from now. Oriental stones and marbles in Oriental climates do not seem to disintegate anything like they do in our American climate. They are "not subjected to the freezes and thaws that our masonry has to undergo.. From memory I would say that the temple of Jupiter was about 250 by 125 feet. Its only floor is about eight feet above the common level of the ground around it and the building is in .a valley. In looking at those ruins the thought that impressed me as in all ancient structures, finding their climax in the Sphinx and pyramids, was their dramatic silence regarding the nations and peoples and kingdoms and histories that they have seen rise and 80 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT fall Ther set us a good example ; they are not tattlers; don't tell tales ont of school; "there is no speech nor language then voice k not heard." Ther will be the silent witnesses of tiling yet to Lie a wonderful as those they have witnessed, and yet, if I knew ttSe things, it would not he safe for me to print them. I would again b "aC prisoner for blaspheming and for publishing "obscene literXotefar from the temple of Jupiter upon a hill in the direc- tion of the city is a beautiful garden through which the gmdes carried us In working in this garden, only six years ago, some one d covered about four feet down the mosaic floors and- other narts of costly bath rooms that had been built there by the Romans when they bad possession of that country Bathrooms fCeZ m many other places in the Orient seem to have been p aces upon which" there was no limit in lavishing expense and he baTh rooms have many features that won d be strange on, y^h none of the salient features of an elegant bath room of hi Tx They seem to have bathed to get warm and bathed to get cool and seem to have arranged to spend hours in the hath during some ^^•Tl^fb'ath'roo^noors m that garden have all been cleaned off and Warded with a brick wall to keep the dirt from getting n-tCTgSn but when we walked over them they were as firm as any pavements to be found any where now. In that garden k one of the most beautiful and interesting monuments of the °lT Tt it I think only five or six years old, and is of marble Twtite as snow Tit represents Byron "saving a Greek woman ^nd W I the guide said, but I thought, it was saving a Greek from a sLge. It was, of course, recognitxon oi Bvron's giving his life for Greece, but, really,, I did not. rauy S^reciate the0 meaning of the naked "savage" m the group. The face of Byron— it is all a little more than life size-is a perfect portrait of Mm, and, therefore, perfectly handsome TheTcSptor has not followed the Cromwellian junction "paint the wart " and Bvron is not represented with a club foot both of Ms feet being plainly represented as perfect. The Enghsh govern- SoS allow Byron, the greatest poet that evented to be buried in Westminster Abbey because he was an infidel. His oivinc- his life for Greece doubtless seemed chimerical to the soions of his day, but to see Athens now shows that Byron was practical as well as poetic. I heard with gratified surprise that that monu- ment had been built by Americans who went to Athens to attend the Olympic games. . We saw in many places very curious instances of funeral DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIENT 81 processions and wedding processions. I noted a funeral procession in Athens A young woman had died, and her face, even in death was very beautiful and placid. She was carried on the shoulders <oi men in a coffin on a litter. The coffin had no top on it and the body was so raised that the face could be distinctly seen. A man led the procession with the coffin lid carried erect in his hands, the top part up, and the whole lid was a mass of elegant flowers ' A choir of about fifty persons all dressed in white long robes followpd the bier, singing, and then there was a long procession of priests ..and a long procession of empty carriages that followed the walking procession. & Funeral processions and wedding processions in the Orient -seem to be alike gala occasions, except that the funeral is rather the merrier of the two. The young dead woman, in Athens, was fol- owed by an empty hearse. In Cairo the bride being taken in a long procession to the house of her husband to be married was completely hidden in a thing like a hearse, that was covered all • over with a gayly decorated kind of a pall. It looks like the Orient entertains the idea that is growing in America that it is a much more serious thing for a young woman to get married than to die. I asked the guide if he knew about the house at which Byron's _ Maid of Athens" lived and he said the house was now so demol- ished that it was not worth going to see. I thought the answer based on the demolition argument applied also to the temple of Jupiter and the Areopagus, but none of the Cookies expressed any desire to see it and I did not insist upon it. If it had been the home of Jezebel or Bahab or Bathsheba or of Lot's daughters the clergy m our party would have just tumbled over each other to get to see it. I took two trips up to the Acropolis, one in the carriages with the party and one on foot alone. The trip that I took alone is much more vivid- m my memory. The main thing that I can remember when I was with the party is having Mr. Copelin to stand his pretty wife and me up in front of some big columns to take our picture with a kodak. The Acropolis, with the Parthenon, Temple of Victory and Erectheum, are all together up on a high hill that is almost solid stone, but the modern road leading up to this is a verv fine one. with a fairly easy grade for walking. I suppose I walked a mile up that hill, on the carriage road, and then came to a point where I had to go up a much steeper foot-path for what would have measured, perpendicularly, a hundred feet or more. This path lay over the solid stone as it naturally belonged to the hill and 82 DOG FENNEL IN THE OBIENT , -rll wa„ w0rn smooth by the human feet which, for centuries, KiXdXt hill. All along on the side of .that SS^thStrnX ™om for the finer hidings that now a+»r>fl there in a less advanced stage of rum. ^ I do nofknow the name of the building that forms a gateway through which all have to pass in going mto the ground* of the Acropolis. The comparatively level place on the top oi « e hi 1116 «Z PanlXt Sb^ST™ broad . It has now standing fortv-nvo columns that are thirty-five feet, high an d « flct iu diameter at the base and nearly all of the original entabla- SSS- one column to another. These columns . are m tuie leacin f ^ waU lg 5tanding t L norlh that is all the way around the building.- >o rocks that are now fitted together as they originally were. The Parthenon was built 438 B. C. About 170 years ago Lbarded £gJ&? £ &^S3J?-S3fi-* five feet square and is almost Perf^e Erectheum. on the Aeropotis. was «^-^ nf wliioh i* held up bv six women, each about ^even teex nigu, y DOG FEXXEL IN THE OKIEOT 83 of workmen being employed and the time given them to clo their work seems to be practically unlimited. The modern scaffolding that they are nsmg seems to be quite old and it seems that it is considered that this repairing shall be perpetual just as the flight of time and other accidents bring damage to the building. These workmen are putting back into the building all stones and parts of columns that have fallen out, as far as these parts can be iden- tified and recovered; even when, in some instances one of these parts can only be restored by very perfectly cementing together as we would a fine piece of china, various fragments of one of these pieces. In the new marbles that they have had to insert while the general outline of the piece as it originally evidently was has been perfectly preserved the inserted piece has not on it the minute and beautiful detail of sculpture that is there to be seen upon the blocks that match it. Whether these inserted pieces are intended to be left plain to show in coming centuries that they are restorations or it is con- templated at some time to complete them in the building, I do not know and possibly this point is not yet decided by those in charge of the restorations. It seems to me, though, that the value of their history would be most subserved by allowing all the restored parts to appear as far as possible, as restorations. One of the six women that hold up the roof of the famous porch is almost entirely a restoration. It is absolutely a perfect model of the others, as they originally were, the nose," which, of course, is Grecian, being restored and the arms restored in the positions that the remains of the broken arms of the others would indicate that they originally were. The six women are all alike. Made of the stern stuff that they are their lot has been a hard one but the drapery of their clothing indicates that they are entirely proper women. J y In walking around those buildings I would stand or sit in places where I imagined such men as Socrates, Solon, Thales and the others of the "seven wise men of Greece" stood or sat and looked out upon the beautiful sea, and islands and mountains as they cogitated the thoughts which have come down to us through the ringing grooves of time, and which todav as much as, or more than ever are commending themselves by their accuracy to the nnest thinkers in the world. • » Wtt af3nb°oiy Saj n°W that 0f a11 the ei^J minions of people m tne United States there is a single man or woman who in 2300 years from now will be known by name and whose sayings will then be quoted familiarly among the people? In 2300 years from now history will be giving uncertain 84 DOG FENNEL IX THE OEIEXT glimpses of the life of a man whose name was George Booker Washington who discovered America. Over across a valley, about a half mile from the Acropolis, is Alars Hill, where Paul is said to have preached. It js simply a round smooth Mil. not so high as the Acropolis, and probably at that dav. as now. had no trees on it, partly because it never was a place that could have produced many or large trees, because there was not much soil on it and partly because any land so near a We city as that is would have been denuded of its trees had there been any, many years before the beginning oi the Christian era Alars Hill looks like such a place as might have been selected by Paul and his handful of followers to preach his new doctrine It is as near to the city as yon can find a place where they would have been far enough out of the crowd for Paul and his hearers to have respectively spoken and heard without interruption from accidental passers-a place where it could be seen what they were doing and vet one to which one would not be liable to take the necessary pains to go unless he was interested to hear the speech I believe that there was such a man as Paul and that he probably preached on Mars Hill, and that the story of his ship- Wreck and stay at Melita, as given in the New Testament is sub- stantially true, but that unreasonable stories were added to t ie facts in 'hi- life, some by honest accident and some, probably the greatest part, by those who wanted to make money out of the new religion, as always has been and still is. true of all religions. The Jupiter of the Greeks, also called Jove, was the God of heaven and ofTlmost the same name the Jehovah, the God of the Jewish and Christian religions. Venus, known to the Greeks as Aphrodite, had by the god Mercnry, a child named Cupid that was the god of love and Mary in the Christian religion, had by God or by a supernatural spirit, a child named Jesus that was the god of love The kinds of love may have differed, but one blended into the other and the similarity between Tenus and Cupid on one hand and Mary and Jesus on the other hand, was such that the pictures of A enus the Greek or Eoman woman, were used by the painters of the Christian relmion as models for Mary the mother of Jesus. J he idea of the cohabitation of gods and women resulting m progeny that was nearly always, if not always, masculine, was a familiar one to all the educated people of Greece, and therefore the religion of Paul was "foolishness to them," and his followers oi the Christian relioion were from the ignorant masses, and therefore we nave the statement of Paul that "not many wise nien after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble are called.'7 _ It seems reasonable to suppose that had the Christian religion DOG FEXNEL IN THE OEIEXT 85 antedated the religion that built the temple of Jupiter and which was an old religion when that temple was finished, 435 years before the birth of Jesus, the Christians would have claimed that the religion of the Greeks was simply a modification of the religion of Jesus and so, when it is beyond a doubt that the religion "of the ancient Greeks was centuries older than that of Christians it seems natural and reasonable to account for these similarities in the two religions by saying that they result from the fact that the Chris- tians accidentally, or purposely, or both, grafted on to some prob- able facts in their religion some of the unreasonable, or merely poetic^ supernaturalism of the Greeks. No reasonable man believes the stories of Hector and A] ax as given in Homer's Iliad, and yet, beyond a reasonable doubt" there was some man like Homer and there were, almost certainly, some men more or less like Hector and Ajax. There were, almost certainly, characters more or less like Moses and Jesus Christ, but sound judgment dictates that the miraculous stories attached to each have their origin in honest error, or priestly cupidity, or m poetic license, as in the cases of Grecian and Eoman mythology. The very strongest argument that the Christians can make for their religion is that the Greeks and Eomans, though rep- resentatives of the highest intellect and intelligence in the world, after having heard for centuries all the arguments for their respective religions abandoned those religions and embraced Chris- tianity, and defend it to this day in the midst of the enlightenment of the twentieth century. But it is a logical proverb that an argument that proves too much proves nothing, and all the force of that argument for the Christian religion is "broken by the fact, that the Christians after having heard the argument for the Christian religion for more than six centuries in the very places where the Christian religion originated and where the Christian churches had become fully established, deserted that religion so completely, and accepted the religion of Mohammed so completely that Christianity, even in Jerusalem and Bethlehem and Bethany, and in all Asia Minor, where Paul preached and established the churches to which he writes the epistles in the New Testament, can only exist there through the suff ranee and kindness and generosity of the camel driving prophet of Mecca, in Arabia. The growth and existence of religions are no evidence whatever of their truth. I remember when Mormonism started in Missouri as a result of a Bible written for amusement by one Sidney Bigdon who was a preacher in the church for which I used to preach, and yet today, as I write, the Mormons are in Germany the most intellectual land in the world, making a strong defence against 86 DOG fennel in the orient an edict of that government, banishing them from the country., just as the Romans did. or are said to have done, the Christians; the Mormons taking the ground that they are moral and law- abiding citizens, and the stronger ground that the time has come when no man should he persecuted for his religious opinions, and I believe the most competent thinkers of the world, all -of whom recoonize the absurdity of Morman claims to any supernatural origin, will say that Germany cannot, consistently, refuse to let the" Mormons have a fair hearing in that country. In the same way, as I write this. Dowie of Chicago, claiming that he is the Elijah who was miraculously fed by the ravens at the spring that we saw in Palestine, and who afterward ascended bodily to heaven is arranging to take 2000 of his followers to cam]-) in Madison Square in New York, the most prominent part of the city, and the great journals and magazines are exploiting the fact. If 'he succeeds he will be another Jesus Christ or Mohammed or Jo. Smith, while if he fails he will be another Slatter or George 0. Barnes. In saying this I am not at all underrating the character of Jesus Christ. I can easily conceive how a man. much like he is^ described to be. in the New Testatment. could have had his just indignation aroused to a point of fanaticism against the same class of impostors as those who now in Jerusalem, in the name of Christianity, live in luxury and idleness on the money that they get from their dupes by lving. I personally knew George 0. Barnes. He was one ot the most magnetic characters I ever knew. He was more like Jesus Christ than any other man that America ever produced. For ( years in religion he was the central figure of Kentucky, attracting more interest and more love of the people than all the other preachers in Kentucky combined. I watched him closely and never knew in him an instance of immorality. With all of his vagaries I loved the man and was. and still am. proud of the fact that he loved me and vet Barnes believed, or professed to believe, that he could work miracles and that he was miraculously cared for by God. and today he is a follower of Dowie. content to be to that arch imposter what John the Baptist was to Jesus— proud to decrease that the fame and honor of Dowie. the Elijah of God. may increase. \thens appears to be about three miles square, is solidly built and has 240.000 inhabitants. There is nothing but corner stones to indicate the lines between the lands of different owners. The country is said to produce the finest honey in the world. I "found ] vino- near the Parthenon a primitive kind of a castiron cannon that had evidently bursted because the imperfectly formed ball that had been rammed into it had stuck m its bore DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 87 when they tried to fire it out. I contemplated the result hoping that it had killed a lot of the vandals who were shooting it at the historic buildings. The Parthenon at the time of the bombardment had gun powder stored in it and a cannon shot exploding the powder caused the greater part of the ruin of the building. Some hundreds of years after the Chinese had invented gun powder and used it only to amuse children, a Christian preacher, named Friar Bacon, invented it again and used it for killing people. If there is any hell that preacher's bacon is a frier now. A strange article of commerce at Athens is an urn shaped sponge that will hold a peck. It is said that there once were 80,000 statues on the Acropolis, but the Mohammedans destroyed them because it was contrary to their religion to make statuary. They accepted as authoritative the ten commandments of Moses and fairly interpreting the second commandment would not allow statuary. The twelve lions in the "court of lions" at the Alhambra were so unlike anything in the heavens above, or earth beneath or waters under the earth, that they were not regarded as coming under the interdiction of the Mosaic decalogue. The Jews and Christians could not stamp or print money if they obeyed the second commandment, and therefore they count it out. "They pardon such as they're inclined to, And damn all that they have no mind to." Many of the Cookies went to see the tomb of Pythagoras. I did not go because it required some extra money to do so. I took their word for it that he was dead. He ought to have died before he was born. He is the man who is responsible for the doctrine of the transmigration of souls and modern theosophy and of Madam Blavatski. It is probably justice to the man to say that if he could have anticipated that theosophy would grow out of what he said he would have declined to be born. I saw the place where the battle of Marathon was fought. It reminded me somewhat of the battlefield of Manassas, the place where old Mars Bob Lee and old Rockfence Jack everlastingly paralized and pulverized a large assortment of the Yanks. When we read history about those old Creek and Roman fellows we get the general impression that they were always honing to get killed just for the fun of it, and to get their names printed in the newspapers, but from the looks of the ground on the battlefield of Marathon, I am strongly under the impression that the most part of the scrimmage that they had there was caused by each side trying to get on the upper side of a mountain so as to kill the other 88 DOG FEXXEL IX THE OKIEXT fellows without getting killed themselves. It is but right,, however, in this connection to say that my recognized knowledge of military tactics did not make me a Major. General in the "late unpleasantness" between the North and South in this country. It is an interesting fact in the history of the art of Athens that in all the magnificent statuary and paintings that are being- produced there up to date in the gorgeously beautiful public buildings of the city, I did not see a single instance of any Bible picture, such as predominate almost exclusively at Jerusalem and Rome, but all the modern as well as the ancient sculpture and pictures of Athens are of those old heathen gods, generally spark- ing- their best summer girls, and though after having seen the finest pictures in Paris in my young days, and some of the artistic spreads of Rome in my late days. I know it will damage my standing as an art critic, I am just rash enough to say that brand- splinter new fresco depictions of flirtations and assignations in Athens, among those ancient heathen gods and goddesses tickled my Dog Fennel fancy and hayseed ideas of what was pleasant to look at more than any pictures I have ever seen any where else. The story of "Prometheus bound/' between which and the sufferings of Jesus Christ many critics have discovered a resem- blance, is a favorite theme for art in Athens. While I have been familiar with that story and that picture for nearly half a century it is strange that I had never known of its companion piece until I saw it on the landing of a stairway in the palace of King George and Ms good wife. It seems that Prometheus subsequently got loose and made it very warm for the buzzards that were having little tea parties with pate de foies gras on their menu, poor Pometheus furnishing the liver. I suppose it was Pometheus who first answered the question, "Is life worth living?" by saying "It depends upon the liver.'' You could not give that man any pointers on the unpleasantness of a disordered liver, without the benefit of Holmans Liver Pad (for which advertisement its proprietor will please send me $13.) There is in Athens a perfectly new building that has on it a Greek name as long as the longest inflection of the verb "tupto," Bullion's Greek grammar, and which I suppose means, in the American language, something like "'town hall." It has on either side of its main entrance very tall and very ornate columns upon which, respectively, are statues of Apollo and Minerva in gilded white marble and heroic proportions. The way the old Greek gods and goddesses are amusing themselves in the pictures on the inside walls of that building, the ladies being dressed so as to avoid the use of dry goods as is done by a "full dress" of one of our DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIEXT 89 American "400" from the waist up, and by an Atlantic City, mosquito bar bathing suit from the waist down, would vex the righteous soul of Anthony Comstock, but I felt like, this time, I was where old Tony could not get me, and all the time that all the balance of the Cookies were out seeing about old Pythagoras I was sitting there all alone in those elegant surroundings looking at those pictures but, honor bright now, the picture that I looked at most was one of Pygmalion warming the statue Galatea into life by holding a torch before his or its breast. You could see the light coming into its chiseled eyes, the flush into its cheek and lips and the blue veins beginning to course down its white marble arms while its marble feet had not separated from the marble pedestal upon which it stood. At our lunch table in the hotel we had in the toothpick hold- ers, toothpicks that grew in bunches on shrubs, just ready for use, each one having on one end a little dried flower, which being eaten had the effect of a whisky killer. The table cloths were very handsome and hung down onto the floor. The young fellows and their best girls said the table cloths were perfectly splendid to play "hold hands" under. I am not going to depose ; I am a mar- ried man. In Athens the bootblacks sit in a chair and the customer stands. You would think the bootblack's box was a hand organ. I saw a band of some sort of carnival masqueraders set a brilliant thing like a May pole in the streets and dance around it. I heard a fellow talking Greek to a donkey and the donkey understood it just as well as a Kentucky mule understands American when you use the expletives that are common in talking to mules. I had always had some misgivings about that storv of Balaam and his donkey conversing together in Hebrew, but when I saw that Athens donkey understand Greek it assisted my faith to realize how the Bible story might be true. I heard two of our Cookie women talking. One said that in the city where she lived she was in the habit of setting a little dog up on the seat beside her when she took carriage rides and that one day a woman had asked her if it would not be better to take some little poor child with her. The woman to whom she was talking said that she thought the one who rode in the carriage showed good taste in taking the dog instead of the child. I am opposed, to Socialism politically and to hell religiously, but candidly, I don't see what we can do with that brand of women without Socialism in this world and a hell in the next one. After we went aboard the Moltke some of the Cookies said they saw King George and his wife — don't know her name; call her 90 DOG FENNEL IN THE OEIEXT Georgianna— sail around our big boat in a beautiful little steam launch. I didn't see them ; didn't see the launch ; I saw the ocean they had sailed in. " We left Piraeus at 5:30 p. m. on a beautiful evening. We passed a big Eussian war ship lying at anchor. Our band played a Eussian national air. while the band on the warship played a German national air. . +• ~u On February 25 we sailed from Piraeus for Constantinople, distance 356 miles. We passed the place on the Hellespont, where Byron says that Leander swam to Hero and he, himself, swam to fame Edgar Allen Poe said that he (Poe) swam eight miles up the Ohio river. I think he lied-or used Poe-tic license; he was a poet I have a record as a swimmer my own self I swam and saved a man in the river Seine, in Prance, who was drowning Yon can read about it in "Behind the Bars : 31498/' It was doing things like that that caused my grateful country to furnish me the peculiarly favorable circumstances binder which to write a book by that name. I could not swim from Sestos to Abydos, four miles, 'and I do not believe that Leander or Byron did— lair SWmiSlin2 makes great liars. Even Mark Twain yielded and I feel the temptation to do so— but then I have been a preacher and the habits of early yonth are hard to get over. "CoeW non animum, mutant qui trans mare currunt On that dav I saw Asia for the first time : the country that is responsible for preachers and the Salvation Army. I saw the place where Xerxes "lashed the Hellespont with chains/ That's the place that Europa swam across on a bull. 1 hat s another swimming lie that I do not believe unless it was a fin-back bull whale so she could hold on like to a pummel on a side-saddle. I didn't see any bull tracks on the shore and in traveling j mm ouoht not to believe anything he hears and not more than half that he%ees. The statements of travelers should be received cum o-rano salis" — with a barrel of salt. There is only one thing about Constantinople that I was * not disappointed in and that was the dogs. One Cookie counted fifty- one dogs on one square, and another counted 903 dogs from the landinl to the hotel. The dog population at the last census was 900 000 and the people 1,000,000. That is only one dog to five people while among our poorest people in Kentucky there are five 12 to one person. In Constantinople all canines are of the -yellow dog" variety. The people spend some part of their time in their bouses, and the dogs are so much more ^ ^^^g people because the dogs are always on the streets. The greater DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIEXT 91 part of them are always asleep. They don't turn around three times like our American dog does before they lie down, but they just lie down anywhere so it's somewhere that people have to walk and vehicles have to drive. They are kind, good dogs and never bite anybody or bite each other, except when one by some accident or mistake steps across the line that it is agreed among them is the limit of his diocese and then all of those in the domain that has been encroached upon, jump on him and bite him. Nobody in Constantinople ever purposely hurts a dog. Millions of miles are annually traveled in Constantinople in getting around dogs. One of the first things I noticed in Constantinople was thousands and thousands of big fine wild ducks, that light on the roofs of the buildings. I thought of sending a cablegram to Grover Cleveland to come over and bring his gun, until it occurred to me that the Mohammedans would not let him shoot at the ducks for fear he might shoot a dog. I don't think the dogs there have so many fleas on them as some writers represent, because there are not enough fleas to go around. On the way to Constantinople we saw Mt. Olympus, its top being covered with snow. The gods of the Greeks used to come down onto the top of Mt. Olympus to meet prominent Greek func- tionaries with whom they wished to discuss the political and religious affairs of Greece. These gods also had a habit of coming down on mountains to meet, by moonlight, reigning belles among the Greek ladies, when their husbands and papas had been told by them that they were only going out to their clubs or church socials. The gods there don't do those things these days. That habit of the gods of meeting people up on the tops of high mountains naturally grew out of the willingness of the respective parties to meet on half way grounds as nations now do in making treaties. It was not so far to heaven from the top of a mountain as it was from the level plain below. The Hebrew God did the same way. He had a conference of days with Moses and would come down onto the top of Mt. Sinai to meet him. In the same way Jesus took pains to select a high mountain from the top of which to ascend to heaven. Mt. Calvary, where he had been crucified, stands there just a short and conven- ient distance from a gate of Jerusalem, and would have seemed, to a mere carnal mind, a good place from which to ascend to heaven, just as it was a good place to crucify him so that almost anybody in Jerusalem might witness it. But Calvary is a little low moun- tain while the Mount of Olives is the highest one near Jerusalem, and therefore Jesus must have spent the half of a day in climbing 92 DOG FENNEL IjST THE ORIENT up the Mount of Olives to get a high point from which to begin the ascension to heaven. When I saw I was getting to Constantinople I began to feel that I was getting a long way from home, and I remembered how proud I was when I learned to spell the long name of that town- It was when I was quite a youth. It was while looking at Mt. Olympus that I saw the first por- poises that I had seen since I had crossed the ocean years before. Oh, no, the porpoises were not on the mountain — on the sea where they usually stay ! They have the same old habit of running- races with ships. They contracted this habit in the old days of sail ships and the increased speed of the steam ships makes them get such a move on themselves to have any fun with a ship that they quit, like their feeling were hurt, after a race of a mile or so. The' number of sea gulls that you meet at Constantinople is surprising. They are about half the size of those you see in New York harbor. Those big gulls followed the Moltke for about three days out from New York, and there seemed to be about the same lot of them, say fifty, all the time. They, of course, follow the ships to get things to eat that are thrown overboard. I would see them the last thing- at night and the first thing in the morning, and I am still curious to know what they did with themselves during the nights. Even if the}' could go to sleep on the water, slashing around as it does, how could they sleep and keep up with the ship at the same time?' The little gulls in Constantinople — they are about as big as crows — light on houses, like the ducks do, but there are only a few large buildings near the water that either the ducks or gulls light on, and why they select those particular buildings and not others that seem equally as good for their purposes, you cannot see. I was disappointed in the "Golden Horn" that I had read sa much about. I had expected to see domes or minarets or some- thing glittering with gold, and something about the formation of the harbor that looked like the horn or crescent of the Mohamme- dans, but what they told me was the "Golden Horn" was a sombre- looking part of the harbor that stood off by itself and so land locked as to make it very secure for the immense number of various kinds of ships that were in it, but I did not think it nearly so beautiful as various bays and harbors that I had seen. The thing that first attracts your attention in coming to Constantinople, as you look at it from the ship is the minarets of the mosques. Mosques seem to be fine and important according to the number of minarets that they can afford. The mosque of Achmed, at Constantinople, has six minarets and the mosque at Mecca, in Arabia, the birthplace of Mohammedanism, has seven DOG FENNEL m THE OEIEXT 93 minarets. These minarets among the Mohammedans take the place of steeples among the Christians, neither the Mohammedan nor the Christian having any idea what steeples are for, except that the Mohammedan uses one out of his several minarets for the calling of the muezzin. The Christian sticks his steeple or steeples up on the top of his church and the Mohammedan builds his minaret or minarets up from the ground, near and around the mosque. These minarets seem to be about 225 feet high and are built of stone. They are the same size all the way up. At six o'clock in the morning, at noon and at six o'clock at night, and at nine in the morning at three in the evening, or afternoon as thev foolishly call it every where except in the South in the United States, the muezzin climbs up a stair inside some one of these minarets at each mosque and he calls out a set formula that has some very complimentary remarks about Allah in it, and winds up with a notice that all the faithful must come to prayers. Praying- is a heavy job among the Mohammedans. The devotion of the Irish Catholic girl who gets up at six o'clock on a cold winter morning and goes to mass, ain't in it as compared with what the Mohammedan does. In fact among the higher classes of Moham- medan society a man hardly has any time through the day to do anything, but smoke and drink coffee and pray and play chess, but after these labors of the clay are over, he can go to his home with the happy assurance that he can find his several dozen wives there to cheer him instead of finding an only wife out at a club or church sociable, or ministerial pound party, or female ankle exhibition to raise the money for the preacher's salary, as would be the case in America. This muezzin, like an American auctioneer, gets his job on the strength of his voice. A mere ordinary announcement of what he has to say would not answer the purpose. He has to intone it like the priests do and it is a sound very much like that of an asthmatic bagpipe that you hear about like you do a telephone that needs a little shaking up. Some of the finest of these mosques were originally built by the Christians for churches and then the Mohammedans came along and took them away from the Christians and used them for mosques, utilizing the pictures and statuary and candles and altars of the Christians for kindling material and other domestic purposes. In the same spirit of generosity toward the pagan religions, the Catholics in Eome have brought obelisks from Egypt and stuck them up in front of Christian churches and then climbed the monuments of ancient Eome, that had pagan gods on top of them, and fixed hoops off of beer kegs up above their heads, 91 DOG FEXXEL IX THE OBIEXT for haloes, and then named these old pagan gods for Christian saints. The little amenities that religions show each other every time they get a chance is real touching. I saw" a Catholic priest who was a Cookie looking at the Mohammedans in one of these mosques, bowing themselves to the floor, and saving their prayers most reverently and that priest had a grin on his hard Irish face that indicated that he was awfully tickled at the delusion of the poor Mohammedan. It was not the particular brand of damfoolery that that priest got his grub and traveling expenses out of in his own church in America. Constantine. who built this dog heaven, in the early part of the Fourth century (A. D.) was converted to Christianity from the pagans and he was the party of the first part, who made Christianity a go. and a business success, without which no religion can thrive." As a defender of the new faith he had all the strenuousness of the proverbial "new broom."' His wife, true to the religion of her mother, which was therefore good enough for her (Mrs. Constantine) did not see the argument for the new ' faith as her husband did., and when she made some points that he could not answer, by ordinary logical processes, he resorted to the more popular mode of theological argumentation and boiled her in oil like a sardine for an hour or two. The cook upon examining her. to see if she was done, found her dead. The modesty of Constantine was. like that of the most conspicuous followers generally of the :uneek and lowly Xazarene/V Constantine brought from Rome a splendid column which had been erected to a heathen god and he had this column set up in Constantinople and had his own statue put on it. posing as the god Apollo, with things that look like bayonets sticking out from around his head to represent the rays that originally were supposed to radiate from the head of Apollo, and which, in "the subsequent mixing up of the pictures of the pagan and Christian artists and of the theology of the pagan and Christian preachers they stick around the head of J esus, so as to make a god out of a carpenter, and those old Apollo rays are still sticking out around the head of Jesus, in his pictures in Lexington churches even to this day. In the pictures of the saints in Rome it is, of course, easy to paint around and over the head of each a hoop that stands up in the air, with nothing to hold it. but. in the statuary, that hoop won't stand up in the air and so each saint has a rod of iron sticking up out of his back hair, to hold his hoop up, the supposition of the church being that no true believer will ever be so sacrilegious as to go around behind things in theology to see how they are managed. DOG- FEXXEL IN THE OKIENT 95 That column and statue of Constantine are now so damaged and the worse for wear for the more than 1500 years that they have been standing there, that they are all hooped and splinted and bandaged in a scandalous manner. The rays around the head of the hybrid of Apollo and Constantine standing on the top of it are hanging around like the hairpins of a female poet and old Constan- tine's face is all patched up and plastered over to hold its different features together, like that of an Irishman who had been to Donnybrook fair or to a wake. Close to this is a very ancient fire tower. It seems to have been built some time about 1000 years ago so that the firemen could go up on it to get a good view of the fire and to give newspaper reporters an opportunity by going up on this to get all the details of the fire for the early morning dailies, without going to the fire. I have been a newspaper reporter. Close bv there is some kind of a big building where the guides feed the pigeons like they do at St. Mark's in Venice, for the entertainment of travelers. I do not know whether or not they had arranged to have an extra number of pigeons present because the Cookies on this occasion represented the most people and the most money that had ever struck that town in any one party from any place so far away, but I believe that the ordinary traveler would 'be liable to exaggerate the number of pigeons' there. I do not think there were more than a million. When I was a newspaper reporter I would have estimated them as being between two and three millions. But there is a pretty broad range for ax pigeon estimate between and two, on one extreme and 3,000,000, on the other. They were all our commonest variety of blue domestic pigeons of America. Poverty and rags and religion and dogs flourish with a tropical luxuriousness in Constantinople. And yet wealth and poverty in Constantinople are brought into a juxtaposition that would give a Socialist a chronic case of the jimjams to gaze on, if a Socialist could raise money enough to get to Constantinople. The Cooks had put up the money for us in good shape and the Turks turned their town wide open for us to look at. They only drew the line against letting our men go in to see the ladies in the harems. They had heard that we had nineteen preachers along. But they let our women folks in and the women told us and especially did some of our more ancient dames tell me, knowing I was going to write a book, and while it might not do for me to say here exactly what those nice old ladies told me, I know enough about the inside of a harem to tell you all that these stories that the missionaries tell you about the miseries of harems are as big lies as were ever told. Those women in those harems have a regular '96 DOG EEXXEL IX THE OBIEXT picnic of it. and they have many a jolly good laugh over the pity that is bestowed upon them by the Christian world. The main difference between the harem of the Sultan at Constantinople, the head of the Mohammedan church, and the harem of Edward VII., in London, the head of Protestantism, is that the Sultan keeps all of his in one place and don't lie about it and don't care who knows it. while the King of England has his harem scattered around in different places, some times other mens" wives, and tells a million lies about it every year. The Sultan and the King- equally believe in the Old Testament of our Bible, and the Sultan calls attention to the fact that Solomon had a harem of an even 1.000 women, and he justly calls the King of England an infidel because the King does not openly say that a harem is all right. It will be noticed that I did not say that the Pope, the head of Catholicism, which is the butt end of the Christian religion, has a harem. Good reason why : too old and ugly : girls won^t have it. Among all this religion and dogs and rags. we. in the treasure house of the Sultan, among other things ran upon a piece of furniture about half the size of an ordinary bed that was worth .•$20,000,000. It was the throne which had been captured by the Turks from the Persians. It and the footstool that was with it. were made of solid beaten gold and the two had in them from a peck to a half bushel of diamonds and every other precious stone known to the world. And yet that government is bankrupt for the want of money, and can barely buy Easter bonnets for the Sultan's wives. Sultans and Popes and Kings and Presidents and priests and preachers all get rich and the masses of the people all get poor, in exactly the ratio of the amount of religion among them. I am not a Socialist, though some of their principlas are right, but I tell you that under this whole infernal business there is burning a Socialistic volcano that some of these days — I do not say fine days — will throw out a lot of hot stuff that will bury this alliance of political and religious rottenness so deep that Herculaneum and Pompeii and Martinique will not be a circumstance. The statues of Guiordano Bruno and of Garibaldi cast their shadows upon the walls of the Vatican and they forebode more than the handwriting on the wall at Belshazzar's feast. We have many Coal Oil Johnies and Copper Kings and Coal Barons any one of whom could buy that divan or throne from Turkey and bring it to Xew York and show it for $1,000,000 a year, but for the fact that some body would steal it before it had been Iiere a week and break it up and peddle out the gold and jewels. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 97 if she^ull Pr°bably " if She W(mM> and would *>t Sultans and Vanderbilts say alike, -damn the people " Columns m Constantinople as in Rome, form a salient feature m the attractions of Constantinople. There is an elegant new one erected on the site of the old Hippodrome by T^mZ of Germany, and there is the column of Theodo'sius erected Z Justinian, and then there is an immense square column that slopes toward the top and that has been mutilated from top to bottom Tins is the result of- the fact that it was originally covered wTh brass, from bottom to top, and the pious crusaders7 on their way to Jerusalem to get the cross on which Jesus had been crucified wrenched all the brass off that great column and stole it They may have thought it was gold. They could not have used it Z make cannon in those days. Then there is a beautiful coCn tha' was brought there from Delphi nat in 'i^T^t Achma(\built ™\ 326 Tears ago, is the finest Z ?, }- ,Its Slx mmarets are eighteen feet in diameter and probab y 250 feet high and each has three doors and balconts W w ch the muezzin cal s to prayers. They are of marble and beau- tifully carved from bottom to top. We all had to get into slippers but there were so many of us that they did not make us pull off our shoes but only required us to put the slippers on over our t°?nr , u an.d b0JS in attendance to put the slippers on for us. There was such a scramble for slippers so as to get in as soon as possible that any body just got the first pair of slippers of any kind that they could get hold of. Almost as often as other- wise some woman with a pretty little foot went slapping around like a clog dancer at a vaudeville, while some man would have a pair into which he could barely get the ends of his toes, and went walking around with half of his unhallowed Christian sole leather profaning by its contact, the sacred rugs or pavements of the great prophet of Allah. I put my number seven and a half shoe into' a number thirteen slipper and managed them somewhat like snow shoes. Many of these slippers were then used for the first time and they had gotten them nearly all large, anticipating the rush tor them that would be with our big party and especially if the parties of the Cooks and the Clarks got there at the same time as they did to many places, making nearly 1000 in all. The altar in the mosque of Achmed is so arranged as that when the people bow before it in prayer their faces will be toward Mecca. a In the mosque of St. Sophia which was built A. D. 316, for Christian church and therefore not arranged with reference to 98 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT the people praying with their faces toward Mecca, there was some kind of a scheme by which those praying in it were supposed to be praying toward Mecca, but it involved some kind ot a theological subtlety that I could not get onto as expounded by our Turkish guide whose vocabulary was hardly . equal to the emergency^ <)f gt gopMa wag ,,„;„ by Justinian and it took 10 000 workmen and 1.000 artists five years to build it. Its mam room from the marble pavement to the top of the dome that covers 180 feet high. It has eight pillars that were brought from Ephesus and eight columns of porphyry that were brought from Baaltec There is m this mosque what is known as the "sweating column " This sweating is supposed to be miraculous and if you 1 before it "the Mohammedans say you will be miraculously cured of any disease you have. I think you have to find it when t sweating in order to be cured of your disease. I looked at it mi te cbsely and could not see that it was sweating when we were ftere and as I was not sick any way I could not say my prayers o to tesVits claimed power. If I could have come across that column when I was seasick I might have ventured on a few pate nostos. or the Episcopal service for the sea or some original composition. , . Yerv high up in the ceiling above the altar the guides show -the center of Christ's face." This has appeared there miraculously, how long since I did not learn. Of course the Mohammedan 1 o?on is not at all dependent upon Christ for its authority but htCiinraeulous appearance of Christ's face there is construed by the Mohammedans as being intended by Christ to instruct t C r^ans that the Mohammedan religion is all right and that al who decline to receive it must do so at their own risk I think I 1m a a pt at discovering resemblances of this kind to the human Tee I ed to find them in the fire by the thousand when we mimed wood in the old times. I have seen all the men and women and cows in the moon that anybody has ever seen I saw and reco«K m a second before it had ever been explained to me he Underfill natural picture of Shakespeare with hree-fou ths of an oval frame around it. that has recently been discovered m lL ceZg o the Mammoth Cave, where no man could ever have lotten and I recognized instantly the natural formation, on the real to Grenada known as "the old man of the mountain;' bu ho m i I tried faithfully to see what they said was the center of t he face of Christ" in the ceiling of the mosque of St Sophia, I lould not see it I saw a white spot that looked like a leak m he roo had mad the fresco fall off, and that looked like it suggested DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 99 a job for a plumber in the heavy lead roof, and I supposed that in the same way the sweating of that column might be accounted for, if indeed it ever sweated and was not simply a scheme to offset various things of that kind in the Catholic churches. But the pious Catholics and Protestants among the Cookies around me gazed reverently up at the alleged miraculous center of the face of Christ and, whether they saw it or not, ratified the Mohammedan claim of its actuality by their reverent behavior, and being away off there by myself I did not propose to bring upon myself any avoidable odium theologicum, by saying I could not see it; but it furnished me a demonstration that Christians and Mohammedans male and female, will combine to make fools and asses and liars of themselves to make themselves and others believe in religion and supernaturalism though they are ready to murder and rob each other, in war, because they do not agree about the details of their creeds. While we were in one of these mosques the hour for prayer came and there were about 1,000 men who assembled for prayer. In Christianity in America the churches so depend upon the women that if their influence was withdrawn for a single year the church would collapse. In Mohammedanism and in Christianity in the Orient women are very little in evidence. Their view of that matter is the teaching of Paul (1. Cor. 14.35)) "If they (women) will learn anything let them ask their husbands at home." There is in the mosque a box in which a hand of Sultan Achmed is said to be preserved. The room is about 200 feet in diameter. Mosques, like Christian cathedrals, have little or no arrangement for anybody to sit. .The people stand just as thick as they can crowd together. There was only one pew in St. Sophia and that belonged to a private individual and was in the part of the house most remote from where the service is con- ducted. It had seats for about four people. There is a large door into the mosque through which the rich enter and a smaller one through which the poor enter. The candor shown by the Mohammedans in their discrimination between the rich and the poor is real refreshing as compared with the hypocrisy in that matter shown by the Christians in this country. We went up a stair and out onto a lead roof to get a view of the part of the harbor known as the "Golden Horn." It affords a good opportunity to see what is to be seen from there but the view is not specially beautiful. The exterior of the building is not attractive and looks somewhat dilapidated. There are many lamps which hang by long chains so nearly to the floor that a tall person can reach them from the floor. L.of C. 100 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT ■ One of the most wonderful features in the Orient is the enormous burdens the people carry on their backs. We saw much of this in Constantinople. There are men whose whole business is to earrr heavy burdens and they carry as much as one ought to put on the back of a good mule in America. Those men walk so stooping that the burden lies all along their backs and rests on a kind of a packsaddle that is fastened on their hips I saw on the back of one of these men a package which I estimated was six feet by three by two, and an another one a package that I thought was five feet by three by two and a half. I saw a man carrying on his back, apparently from a furniture store to the home of some purchaser, a wardrobe which in Lexington would have .been loaded by two or three men into a furniture car and hauled off by two h°rSWe visited a museum of antiquities in the city. The most wonderful thing m it is the sarcophagus of Alexander the Great It is about twelve feet long, six feet broad and five feet .high The guides claim that this sarcophagus is the eighth wonder of the world and it is certainly wonderful, its history its workmanship and 111 This sarcophagus is made of alabaster Its entire exterior L a solid mass of the most intricate and elaborate carving repre- senting the exploits of Alexander. There are so many figures on 1 that it would require a whole day to give it a thorough examination The interior of the sarcophagus, which as large eSugn to hold fifteen or twenty men is all most elaborate y scXtured The top of the sarcophagus which would probably weS 2 000 pounds, is all elaborately ornamented and is raised Tbout a foot high so as to rest on a block of stone put on each corner o the body of the sarcophagus so as to allow persons to see down Mo it. This is also true of many other wonderful sarcophagi in the museum. „ ,„ , , , . Alexander the Great died in Babylon about 300 B. C and this .arcothSns was ormd in Sydon, which is on the coast of Palestine, onlv fifteen years ago. How that sarcophagus got hat far from re xlexander die! is one of the mysteries of the thing. It had been opened and the body of Alexander was not in it and the whole Sarcophagus was found in a chamber that had been hewn Tn the toUd stone and the chamber had been hermetically sealed up It was found by a farmer who was paid the equivalent of $10 000 in our money for it. The sarcophagus is in almost perfect Se=er4 tion, the only damage to it seeming to be such as might have come from handling it. I suppose it would weigh 10,000 o,nd° Of conrse it would naturally occur to some one to say that there was some fraud abont this, but such seems impossible. DOG FENNEL IN THE OKIENT 101 the date of its finding is so recent and the facts of its transportation and placing in that museum so recent and so public and the historical interest of the thing so great and the sculptures so evidently representing the battles between Alexander the Great and the Persians beside many other evidences of identification known to the scholars and archeologists who have seen it, that the successful perpetration of such a fraud would seem as wonderful as that it should be what is claimed for it. The making of a thing of such proportions as that and the time necessary to make it preclude the possibility of its having been done secretly. But in addition to all this is the fact that there are but few, if any sculptors now living who could make such a thing and there never was a time in the whole history of Palestine when any body in that country could have made- such a thing as that sarcophagus and you cannot conceive what motive they could have had in making such a thing and disposing of it in that way. One theory of it is that it was made for the body of Alexander and that his remains, from some unknown reason, were never put into it, and that it was thus hidden for safe keeping until the remains of Alexander could be put into it, and that the secret of its hiding place was lost until recently discovered by accident by a farmer who was digging in the regular pursuit of his business. It is easy enough to see how the priests can palm off on people who want to be deceived, the old bones and rags that they claim to be those of saints, and the books of alleged very ancient date that they discover every semi-occasionally to bolster up the claims of their religion, but all of those are quite different from the story of the sarcophagus of Alexander the Great that we saw in Con- stantinople. From any view that you can take of it, it is certainly very wonderful and by no means the least wonderful is to suppose the thing a fraud. That such a thing is there now in Constanti- nople is either so, or I am lying about it, or am mistaken. It seems almost impossible that I could honestly imagine all the details of this story, without any basis for it, and it seems just as strange that I would want to tell a lie about it when from the circumstances it is so easy to expose me. Assuming then that I actually saw it and heard that history of it and yet that the whole thing was a fraud that had been perpetrated only fifteen years ago, how easy it is to account for the things we saw at Jerusalem and that are offered by the Christian world as evidence of the truth of the story that is told us there about Jesus Christ. For instance at Bethlehem we were shown a hole in the rock in which the whole Christian world agrees that Jesus Christ was born. Nobody claims to know when that hole was chiseled out of 102 UOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT that rock, nor by whom it was done nor for what it was done. There are a great many holes like it chiseled out of other rocks m other places in Palestine. The whole Christian world that accepts our canonic .New Testament says that Jesus was born in a stable in Bethlehem and "cradled in a manger" in that stable. The Apochryphal New Testament says Jesus was born in a cave m Bethlehem. it is- evidently not' what we commonly mean by a cave and as tor its behw a'stable it is not as much like a place that was built tor a stable as a place I dug and walled up for a dairy m Kentucky. That the alleged stable in Bethlehem in which it is said Jesus was born therefore, may be a fraud, seems immensely greater than that the alleged sarcophagus of Alexander in Constantinople may be a fraud And yet while there is hardly a successful gambler m America who would bet two to one that the sarcophagus of Alexander in Constantinople is what is claimed for it, whole governments are built and run based on the story that Jesus Christ was born in that hole in Bethlehem, that looks like it may have been made to keep vegitables in and some people call a man a bad may "ecause he does lot belieye stories of that kind when these stories are used to proye the truth of Christianity. From a stand- point like this that sarcophagus of Alexander was the most inter- esting thing I saw in Constantinople. ■ I asked the Mohammedan guide who was showing us through that museum to tell me what he thought was the true religion and he said "Honor your father and mother, don't steal, and do good to your neighbor," and then we are great enough fools to send on to those people, to convert them to Christianity the same brand of male and female missionaries that we sen to China to rob and murder them. We send oyer there and tell them that Mohammed made his converts by the sword, and that our Jesus was the Prince of Peace and then the Mohammedan looks over m the waters of the "Golden Horn" and sees it full of the war vessels of all the Christian nations in the world and he wonders why any people will tell lies that nobody is liable to believe. The stupidity of the Christians in saying that Mohammad made his converts by the sword is but little better than idiocy- How could he have gotten armies to follow him that were large enough to go from his own land and capture all the principal lands of the Christians unless they believed m him? When we started away from one of those mosques where we had seen the Mohammedans praying I got into a carriage with two of our Cookie women who seemed to be rich and one that I had not talked to before, whose nose was rather suspiciously red, said to the DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIEXT 103 other one, "I wish I had brought a bottle of whisky," and then she showed a Turkish pipe that she had bought to take home to her neighbor's son. I asked her if she said her prayers when she was in where all those Mohammedans were praying. She said "Yes; I thought it was a good opportunity and I said my prayers ; when we are in Turkey we must do as Turkeys do." She asked me a good many questions about such things as the occasion suggested, most of which, fortunately, I was able to answer her to her evident gratification and appreciation, but she did not impress me very favorably. She seemed to be meditating as to whether I had any special meaning in asking her about saying her prayers just after what she had said about the whisky bottle and the pipe, but T did not intimate to her that what I had said was suggested by what she had said. After that that woman got to be one of the best friends I had on the cruise, subscribed for this book and got others to do it. and will read and recognize this story. We went to see a house in Constantinople that is said to be the most beautiful house in the world, and I believe it is. It has a strange history. It was completed only a few years ago. Nobody lives in it and it does not seem likely that anybody will do so soon. It is built right along the edge of the sea and is between a quarter and a half mile long. It was built for a palace by a Sultan who is now confined in a lunatic asylum as an insane man, the story being that he became insane from building that palace, but there are many who say that the charge of insanity against him was only a scheme of the present Sultan to get rid of him. The palace that the present Sultan lives in is fairly handsome, but is a very plain affair as compared with the new and unoccupied one, and the idea seems to be that the present Sultan, from some superstition, is afraid to live in the new palace. The new palace is complete and furnished to the minutest detail. I do not know upon what terms we were taken through it, because the Cooks had arranged all of that, but I do not suppose that in any way it brings any revenue to the government. The building is of marble as white as snow and the exterior walls of it are iiio"- 'aooratelv ornamented with the most exquisite and varied sculpturing. Rev. Dr. Marshall said he had. until he saw that nalaee. regarded Windsor Castle as the prettiest place in the world, but that this new palace in Constantinople was handsomer than Windsor. I never was inside of Windsor palace, but I saw the exterior of the building when I was a young man. My impression is that the grounds around Windsor are more beautiful than those of that new palace at Constantinople, though the palace has the beautiful view of the sea, but my recollection of Windsor 104 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT is that its exterior 'appearance ■ is quite plain and sombre as compared with the new palace in Constantinople. From my boyhood until now I have, at times, taken the material furnished by the Book of Revelations to describe heaven and have tried to construct out of it the most beautiful place of which my mind could conceive and I have never been able to produce any thing nearly so beautiful as that palace by the sea at Constantinople and I do. not believe that the man who wrote the book of Revelations ever could have gotten up such a conception. There are two gates at the entrance of the palace which are the largest I have ever seen. They are gilded and shine like pure gold. On one side of it are two other gates and a gateway that are even handsomer than the others and from which pilgrims start on their journey to Mecca, which every Mohammedan must do once in his life if it is possible for him to do it, and which every Mohammedan hopes, sometime, to do, and will make great sacrifices to do. In that palace there were some mantels that were made of clear cut glass and some of beautifully colored cut glass and some of silver. The centerpieces in some of the ceilings and the chandeliers glistened with gems. The ceilings were supported by monolithic columns of costly marbles and of costly carving, and the floors in many places were covered with the most costly gobelin tap- estries. Tapestries which I had in other places seen hung on the walls as the finest of oil paintings are were here spread on the floor to walk on. I could see how those ladies in their fine shoes or how some of those rich men in elegant shoes that seemed never to have trodden on the ground might walk over those rugs and tapestries and not hurt them, and I felt like old Arkansaw and I ought not to be allowed to walk on them, but nobody said anything to the contrary and I walked over them just like the rest of the people. "Old Arkansaw" had been out seeing the world before and his ideal of beauty was Versailles, but he said that was finer than anything at Versailles. I told him I had been to Paris, but had never seen Versailles only twelve miles away. He seemed to think that was a very strange thing. I have always regretted that I did not. The ball room in the palace had its marble floor covered with a floor of inlaid woods of different colors and looked like mosaic. The whole palace was a picture gallery, the walls and ceilings being covered with statuary and fresco paintings. The bath rooms were in alabaster and rare marbles, the walls carved full of vines and flowers. There was an immense hall that seemed almost covered with gold. We walked through this great building each room or DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 105 hall or passage or stairway different from any part of it we had seen before, and going so fast that we could only glance at each place, until we were tired of walking and tired of looking and dazed beyond expression by the wonders and beauties around us, and then our conductors told us we had not seen half of it and that we would not be able to stand the labor of seeing it all at one time, and we started back to where we had entered. We got back on the ship in time for our dinner at seven o'clock. Next morning, February 27, I went back into the city for the purpose of spending a good part of the day strolling around and seeing the sights by myself, but before I had gone a half mile I found the streets so intricate that I soon found that I would get lost, and believed it would cost me more money than I had to spare to have myself found and returned to the Moltke in good order, necessary wear and tear excepted. So I took a small boat back to the steamer and spent a good part of the day aboard. But on Saturday, February 28, I started out again to see the city alone and on foot, but from some reason I cannot recall much of the appearance of the streets in Constanti- nople. In my memory I have gotten them blended with the streets of some other place so that I cannot well separate them. I saw a body of Turkish soldiers. They were splendidly uniformed and the most formidable looking body of men. I saw some ladies riding in a carriage with two horses and I thought each set of harness must have cost $1,000. They were the handsomest I had ever seen. All the ladies wear black veils about a foot long. On the night of February 27 the wife of Mr. Edwin A. Neupert, of Buffalo, N. Y., died on board the ship. Her^ husband and son were traveling with her and they continued the journey with us. The husband's conduct was pathetic but philosophic. Mrs. Neupert was found dead in her bed when the father and son arose in the morning. When a steward afterward asked him how his wife was he said "She is resting." He managed it so as not to let it be known, except to a few, until after the body was taken ashore. He said he did not want to do anything to mar the happiness of others. I suppose I have about as little dread of death as people generally have, but I have always hoped I would die at my home and be buried with my own dead and I had there- fore tried, to arrange to have my remains shipped to my home in case of my death. I had been told in New York that it would probably cost $3,000 to do this in case of my death and I therefore asked Mr. Neupert about the cost of sending the remains of his -wife home. He told me that the embalming and shipping to Liverpool had cost him only $4-10. He kept her death a secret 106 DOG FEXXEL IN THE OEIEXT from their friends at home and was to take the body along with him to his home as he returned. On Sunday, March 1, we steamed up the Bosphorus to the Black Sea. only twelve miles away. We were getting so much further Forth than we had been in Algiers that the air was pretty chilly, especially as a wind was coming down from the Black Sea. The connection between the Black Sea and the Mediterranean Sea is a kind of combination of sea and great river. The water is salt but there is a regular current of four miles and hour from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean, giving vent to the waters of the Danube and other rivers that flow into the Black Sea. The Bosphorus means in Greek "ox bearing" in allusion to the fact that at that point Europa was carried across on the back of a bull from Asia to Europe. T suppose there can hardly be any doubt about this having occurred, as the name Bosphorus is retained to this day and Europe was named for that woman — at least in religious matters we heard a great many facts demonstrated in that way. The story of Mrs. Lot must have been true for there is the Dead Sea and the country around it wonderfully salt to this day and the story of Joshua making the sun and moon stand still must be true, because there are Mount Gilboa and the Valley of Ajalon to this day that we saw with our own eyes. "Going up to the Black Sea we passed on the European side the splendid college that is there, established by Roberts for the education of American boys in that country. As the Moltke came in sight the college ran up a large American flag and saluted us with/ it and the Moltke ran up the American flag and played the Star Spangled Banner, amid cheering and waving of handkerchiefs from the boat and from the college. Some of us may not feel any great enthusiasm for our government when we are at home and see- the government doing things that we don't like, but away off there, that" far away from home." that big flag and the cheering and all that it meant brought the patriotic tears to my eyes. I know Socialists and Anarchists who are good and intelligent men and women, in manv of the highest duties of life, who talk and write like it would be the pride of their lives to destroy the government of the United States and T admit that, in taking the oath of" allegiance to this government in order to get my passport. I did it more because I had to do it than because I wanted to do it. and vet I believe that the majority of those who think they want to destroy this government would pull off their steamer caps and wave them to salute that old Yankee gridiron flag, just as I did when they saw it unfurl its stars and stripes to the breeze away off there DOG FEXKEL IN THE OEIEXT 107 is that strange land, and it was the only thing von could see that looked anything like your home. "Lives there a man with soul so dead, Who never to himself has said, My own, my native land \" I am not writing this book simply for fun nor solely for; money, though each of these is an element in my purpose. I rather propose to use the incidents of my voyage to "point a moral and adorn a tale." An American passport is a blending of high and grand political sagacity and urbanity on the one hand, with asinine; stupidity and injustice and disloyalty to a fundamental principle of this government' on the other, it commended me to the protection, of any government to which I might go. after leaving my own and allows me only to accept that kindness and justice when I will swear by G-od to support the Constitution of the United States. That I and every citizen who even temporarily expatriates himself should have to declare his allegiance to the United States and do this "under the pains and penalties or perjury7' is all right, and no good and fair citizen can, or will object to that. But when, this right of expatriation is limited, really or only apparently, to men who are willing to swear by God. whether that God be the God of the Jews and Christians, or some of the gods who are not popular in America, and whose official dignity is not emphasized by a capital G, many of the most intelligent people of this government are insulted and embarrassed and are driven to an expedient which to say the least of it, is of doubtful moral propriety, while this embargo is not imposed upon preachers and priests and the great ignorant masses of our people. Ignorant people and mercenary ecclessiastics nearly always believe in the existence of a God and are glad of a chance to swear by him, or it. Christian Gods and angels are all masculine. The' Bible from Genesis to Eevelation makes no mention of any woman ever having gone to heaven. Some of the greatest of men intellectually and morally, in all ages and places of the world, including America, up to date, have not believed, and do not believe in any God ; many more _ are doubtful and undecided about it and of those who do believe in a God, manv of the verv best and most valuable citizens in this government and of the most loyal to it, justly understand that our constitution allows no advantage or disadvantage from any belief or disbelief of any religion, and however much these good citizens may believe in the existence of a God they are opposed to having their religious creed made a part of the law of this country, 108 DOG- FKNNEL IN THE ORIENT and do not want "In God we trust" stamped on our coin and they do not want any rights that peculiarly belong to all the people of this government limited only to those who are willing to swear, or apparently to swear, by God, in order to get the benefit of official documents of this government. That is perfectly consistent in the English government that professes to be an alliance of church and state but absolutely inconsistent with the genius of this government that had its origin in the unwillingness of its founders, in any way, to ally church and state. We want just such a government as was bequeathed to us by Jefferson, Paine and Franklin and as was sealed and ratified by the blood of Lincoln, none of whom was a Christian, and when it gets to be the case that a President of the United States and a superannuated Pope at Pome confer as to whether an Irish Catholic priest named Ireland shall or shall not wear a red hat, this govern- ment is going into driveling idiocy and asininity to say nothing of revolution and anarchy and every good and great man and woman in America must rise to resent this insult. There is not an Irish Catholic citizen of the government though he be the most ignorant day laborer on one of the turnpikes and railroads, whose rights should not be as zealously and jealously guarded by this government as those of our Rockefellers and Van- derbilts. or more so, if any difference, because the rich can take care of themselves better than" the poor can, but the rights of the grand- est ecclesiastic as such, are not to be mentioned on the same day with those of the most ignorant Negro who was once a slave and is now simply a free citizen of this government. As between anarchy and a government controlled by any religion I prefer anarchy, because I think no government is better than a bad government. But if we are to be governed by any kind of a religion I prefer the control of a Sultan, a jolly good fellow with a large and varied assortment of wives who without ceremony set out nice refreshments for us Cookies to eat and drink, no intoxicating liquors being among the drinks, to a skinny old Pope who has no wife, and therefore knows nothing of the most elevating of all relations and to whom we could only gain access through a flunkevism inconsistent with the dignity of an American citizen. We went up into the Black Sea simply far enough to get a good view of the part of it around the mouth of the Bosphorus, and our ship having sailed around a circle in that sea, we came again into the Bosphorus and started South and East. On Sunday, March 1st, we came to Smyrna, in Asia, the home of the Buddhist, the Jewish, the Christian and the Mohammed religions. It is a city of 350,000 inhabitants, and is 295 miles DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 109 from Constantinople. I had often wondered how I would feel if I ever realized I was in Asia. A realization of this kind is not so vivid as one would imagine before having experienced it, because we are brought up to the realization so by degrees. The old joke that says "Malaga grapes are very good grapes, but Smyrna figs are better,' ' was the first thing that occurred to me on first landing in Smyrna. The famous figs were to be seen for sale in various places, but there are many things in the town beside figs. It is also famous for its rugs. Many of these were exposed for sale, and many of them were brought and spread upon the decks of our ships. A prominent feature in their commerce is wool, great bales of which we saw stacked on the quay almost like we see cotton in some of our American marts. Our party started out under the lead of guides to see the city and it being Sunday we were soon brought to a Christian church. The priests were standing and preaching or conducting some kind of a religious service with their hats on, and the congregation, nearly all men, were packed as thick as they could stand and the people were pushing and crowing among each other to get up ' to hear and see. At the door was a greai> pile of small candles made of wax which each man must carry in. lighted. These little candles are called into requisition at many places. If you do not pay for them they give them to you or may be the Cooks had paid for our candle supply. I never paid for any. I think they stuck them down into something soft, like dough, inside. I forget what I did with mine. These little candles melt and run down on your hands and any accessible part of your wardrobe in a disagreeable manner. Of course none of us could understand what they were preaching about and we left them in about five minutes, men crowding into the places we had vacated as if they thought our room was better than our company. In Smyrna was the first place I had ever "met up with" the camel except as we find him in a circus, or zoological garden. I had always supposed that the camel had that melancholy, far-away Moses look on him because he was so far. away from home and was home sick, but he is born that way and can't get over it. He lets his lip hang down until he looks like his last friend on earth is dead. In Jerusalem where he does not get anything but rags and theology and refuse cauliflower leaves to live on the camel is even more unhappy looking than he is in a circus, but in Egypt where he gets better grub there are known to have been instances where camels looked comparatively cheerful. I think the camel prefers the Mohammedan view of theology to any of the others. We found them selling "John the Baptist's bread" in many 110 DOG FENNEL IN THE OEIENT places in Smyrna and afterward saw it all through the Orient. It -is said of John the Baptist that "his meat was locusts and wild honey." The "locust" is something like the "honey-shuck" that grows on the honey locust tree in Kentucky, and which by a long stretch of imagination of a hungry boy is very nearly edible. But in the Orient this John the Baptist bread gets to be considerably like a piece of hard tack into the making of which has gone an element something like black honey or the old-fashioned black molasses, and it beats nothing by a long jump to a hungry man. We there first saw date trees with the dates on them. They grow on a low variety of palm tree, and each date seems to be sticking on to the 'end of something like a common broom straw. " They would give us dates on our hotel tables sometimes fresh and sometimes dried. When thet were fresh and soft the Cookies enjoyed them and when they were dry one would sample them and say "not up to date; back number," and the balance would let them slide. One of the most famous things in Smyrna, is the tomb ol Polycarp. He is said to have personally known the Apostles of Jesus Christ. It is said of him that when at eighty years of age, a Eoman emperor gave him his choice between death and renouncing the Christian religion he said that Christ had been faithful to him for eighty years and that he (Polycarp) would not then forsake him (Jesus). It's a strange little old grave yard where Polycarp is buried, and after a lot of us had climbed an hour or two to get up to it, high up on the side of the mountain, and we stood there looking at the queer looking things. I suppose it was because I was wicked but there kept running through my head "Polly want a cracker?" but I did not say it, and do not think a man ought to be held responsible for what he thinks. Of course I was sorry for the man because he was dead, but I had had nothing to do with his taking off and I could not reasonably have expected to find him alive and well up there and it didn't seem to me that it was any of my funeral and I had enough of up to date things in this life to supply my demand for trouble and I did not feel called upon to shed any tears because the man was dead, and especially as all the indications were that he had gone to heaven. Away up on top of that mountain we could see the Acrop/ds. it was a' very primitive and rude affair as compared with the Acropolis at Athens, but it was interesting because nobody seemed to know anything about who built it and when and I was one of only a few who persisted in climbing until we got there. It was " built of stones about as large as a man could lift, the spaces filled m DOG FEXXEL IX THE ORIENT 111 with smaller stones and all cemented together. The people of those days and in that country had an art of making cement for building that seems to be unknown to us in America. I saw a piece of that wall that would be equal to a cube of about ten feet that had fallen from its original position, a clear fall of about twenty-five feet, and there it lay on the ground all the rocks in it sticking together just as if it had been one solid rock. The walls of the Acropolis enclosed about twenty acres. From that height we could see snow on the mountains in the distance that ■seemed to be perpetual, and many beautiful fields stretched away as far as the eye could reach. I did not tell you all about Polycarp's tomb. It was made of -cement and was built up like a little house with a roof that slanted each way from the center. It was about six feet long and three feet broad and five feet high up to the top of the roof and on one end of the roof was something that stuck up like a chimney and around the top of this was wrapped and tied a gay colored piece of cloth. I saw things like that carried in funeral processions in other places in the Orient. Among the rich these things would be draped over with very elegant cloths. There was a little place like a window in the gable end of the little tomb, and a lot of pieces of colored glass or colored china or pottery of some kind, was in this little window like the children were using it for a play house. The whole grave yard was about fifteen feet square and it was full of tombs or graves the others being smaller than Polycarp's. An old man had a little stone house that used the grave yard as a house yard. The job of that old man and his family seemed to be to take care of that tomb. There was a hook in a tree near one end of poor old Polly's tomb, on which hook some of the Cookies con- tended that at certain times meat was hung as an offering to the dead man, but I think it was more probably a hook on which the old keeper hung his meat to keep cool through the night, believing that nobody would come in among those graves at night to steal it. It is said that St. Luke is buried at Smyrna and that the Virgin Mary died near Smyrna. It seems strange that neither the Xew Testament nor anybody else knows anything of what became of the Virgin Mary. It is a remarkable lack of enterprise on the part of the Catholics that some of them have not found the bones of the Virgin Mary, especially as they have found the bones -of Anne the mother of Mary, and done great good by curing many sick people who touched them, to say nothing of the money made by exhibiting them. A wrist bone of Anne, the mother of Mary, and grandmother of Jesus, was exhibited in Xew York City so that thousands and thousands of the devout bowed in reverence before it 112 DOG- FENNEL IN THE ORIENT and much money was brought to the church thereby, and it seems to me that if all this could ;be done by a simple turn of the wrist, the finding of the entire skeleton of the Virgin Mary would arouse to new enthusiasm and piety the whole Christian world and certainly the bones of the Virgin Mary must be as well preserved, somewhere, as the bones of her mother are. It seems strange that nobody knows anything about what ever became of the remains of the most important two women of the whole human race, Eve and the Virgin Mary. It is because in those old countries men have all the management of religious matters. If women had been in charge of religion in Asia like they are in the United States, Eve would have been decently buried beside her first husband, Adam, where his remains now repose -in Jerusalem, to the everlasting confusion of Darwin and his followers, and the grave of the Virgin Mary would be decently desiomated, instead of lying there unknown among some of those old graves that we tramped over up on the side of that old moun- tain near which she died. I think that no Christian doubts that the Virgin Mary lived and think certainly all the Christians would think the Virgin Mary died, except possibly a few Catholics who try to account for the absence of the grave by saying that she ascended to heaven, though the Xew Testament has failed to mention it. If the Virgin Mary died she certainly was entitled to Christian burial. There is no tradition of Mary having been buried in Palestine, though we saw there the tomb of Eachel, who died 1739 years before Mary was born, the tomb standing there to this day, one of the largest buildings in its vicinity and perfectly preserved, and daily visited by pilgrims, Jews Christians and Mohammedans, from all over the world. Tradition does say that Mary died near Smyrna, and there is every reason to suppose she was buried near where she died, and I don't see why it is not possible that, among all those neglected graves, on that mountain, that I walked over, "almost any of which were as old as Polycarp's, my unconsecrated heel may not have trodden upon the grave of the Virgin Mary. Cowper says "God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform'*7 and Christians all over the world claim that God selects the most unexpected instrumentalities for his purposes, and certainly it would be just in keeping with the general run of Bible stories for God to use me as the means of finding the grave of the Virgin Mary, and if the Catholic don't do it, and do it p. d. q., I am in favor of starting, like another Peter the Hermit, a crusade of Christian women from Kentucky, backed by plenty of money, DOG FENNEL IK THE ORIENT 113 to go to Smyrna and hunt for the grave of the Virgin Mary until they find it. If Christian men can find at least two authenticated and authorized graves for Jesus Christ it does look like the Christian women ought to find at least one decent one for his mother. As it is we have the phenomenon of the grave of a woman who is called by the larger and more important part of the Christian world, "the mother of God/7 probably lying buried in some un- known spot on the side of a mountain and the people walking over her grave to see the grave of a man whose only distinction is his de- vation to that woman's son. After our party left that church we went wandering around and following the guide looking at the curious things in the city. In going through a narrow street Mr. and Mrs. Lee and I were cut off from the others and soon found ourselves lost. We thought that if we could see the harbor anywhere we could find our way back and we reasoned that the streets would all run down hill to the harbor. We kept thinking that we would get ourselves located, but we did not do so and could not find anybody that could speak English. Finally a man at a drug store understood that we were lost and called a man from the street to conduct us to the landing place. He took us through a long and devious route and finally brought us in sight of the Moltke and was paid for his trouble. From Smyrna to Beyrout is 640 miles. On that sail we passed the island of Rhodes, famous as being the place where the Colossus, one of the seven wonders of the world was, and we also passed Cyprus, the island where Venus was born from the foam of the sea. We also passed Patmos, the island famous as being the place where John wrote the book of Revelations. On March 3rd I had my first view of Palestine as we were coming to Beyrout. There was the land that I had talked about and read about and heard about and seen pictures of from the time I was a small boy and now here I was at last in sight of the "holy land." The sight was thrillingly beautiful, the sun was bright and its light fell upon the clouds and the snow capped mountains in the distance, like a halo. The sea was calm and the air was delight- fully soft and balmy. There were no clouds in the sky except some that hung around the mountain forty miles away. That mountain was Hermon, the dews of which are so much mentioned in Oriental story and poetry. It is 12,000 feet high and its top was above the clouds. Beyrout is in a beautiful valley and has a population of 120,000 people. It is very clean and the plots of grass and beautiful green trees through it add greatly to its beauty. Along one side of it is a stretch of the same kind of sand that is in the Sahara. I 114 DOG BEIMEL IX THE OKIEXT was anxious to go on that sand, and starting out for a walk through the city with two Episcopal preachers, who were very nice and cultivated and companionable gentlemen, we three walked a mile across that sand. It is very light and perfectly clean. Our shoes would sink about half way up in it. It is hard to tell how it got there. It is high above the sea. Oranges and canary birds seem to be two prominent products of the city. , . The Armenian boatmen that came to row us from tne ship were all exceedingly clean, and the Armenian dress in the city is very handsome. I saw there some of the most remarkable develop- ments of the seat of the pants of the men. One of the most prominent features of Beyrout is a college there conducted by a Dr. Bliss, an American missionary who has been there for many years. I met him and was introduced to him, and had a long talk with him. He was familiar with the people of that country, and knew about their different religions. I asked him to oire me his opinion of the moral characters of all the different religions represented there, and Ms conclusion was that there was no~ difference in their moral characters, and from all I could hear from him the morals there were fully as good as the best in America. t The men and women are quite handsome, and 1 saw some remarkable instances of young mothers carrying their infants in their arms, the mothers retaining all the beauty and freshness oi maidenhood. Nearly all the women wear veils but the veils are so thin as not to hide their faces. Camels are much used here. On March 4th we came seventy-two miles to Haita. It lias 5,000 inhabitants and has interesting barracks and picturesque windmills of the old style, grinding their wheat The hills are beautifully terraced and cultivated. It was the first place that I saw palms growing indigenously. There was a long forest of them growing out of the sand, and looking just like the pictures in die books. They have in their natural sand, the same stiff and artificial look that we see in the pictures— very tall and straight and the same size all the way up, or rather larger at the top and no leaves except those that hang out like an immense umbrella from the top A Carmelite monastry on one side of the town is its cniei attraction and a beautiful road had recently been built out to it, so as to have it ready in time for the Emperor William to drive out over it when he was there. -CHAPTER IV. On Wednesday, March 4th, we came fifty-four miles to Jaffa, called in the New Testament Joppa. Joppa is famous as being the place where, according to the New Testament, Simon, the tanner, lived. It is still more famous as being the place where the whale swallowed Jonah. I knew that the people who would read this book would be more interested to find out what I learned about that whale story than about all the modern affairs of that country, and I did all that I could to find out about it. That whale story is one of the most important things in the whole Bible. Jesus Christ not only recog- nizes it in the 1ST. T. as an actual occurrence, but he distinctly says that the swallowing of Jonah by the whale, the retaining of Jonah in the whale's stomach for three days and finally vomiting him up, is a type, or prophecy, of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the main feature of the whole Bible. The unreasonableness of that story and the absurdity of a whale's vomiting up a man as a prophecy of the resurrection of Jesus, upon the belief of which the salvation of the whole human race depended, has been emphasized by infidels in print and in lectures until the Christians do not seem to know what to do with that story. Even among newspapers that would not dare to be suspected of infidelity, the story of Jonah and the whale is spoken of just as flippantly as anybody speaks of the stories of the "Ara- bian Nights," or of Baron Munchausen. What Mrs. Harrison, wife of the professor of the University of Virginia, said about this Jonah story is exactly the right view of it. She says that if the Christian people allow the infidels to ridicule this Jonah story until Christians themselves all get to laughing at it as an absurdity, the infidels having destroyed its value as a Bible record will not stop there, but will, then take up some other Bible story and ridicule it, until the Christians would finally abandon it, and that so it would go from one of these stories to another until infidelity would finally overthrow the whole Chris- tian religion, and the question for the Christians to consider is whether or not it is best to stand by the Jonah and whale story, as having been an actual occurrence, and stand the storm of ridicule 116 DOG FENNEL IX THE ORIENT and derision that such a course would bring upon the church at this day, or, by some method, explain that it was not an actual occurrence, but only a myth or poetic figure, or an error that has come into the Bible in some manner, and, by this latter course, encourage infidels still further to press their vantage against Christianity. Let it be once generally conceded, even by Chris- tian people, that the story of Jonah and the whale is not an actual truth but simplv the representative of an idea and then the next move of the infidel may be to insist that in like manner the resur- rection of Jesus Christ from the dead is not an actual occurrence but simplv such a prevailing of right over wrong as we express by the words -truth crushed to earth will rise again. The x\ew Testament says of Jesus that he only spoke in parables and it is said that Ms disciples did not understand him m his utterances about his resurrection, and it would be an interpretation consistent with many other things that he said, to explain that he never really meant that his body would resurrect alive, alter he was dead, but that the principles for which he had contended would be again revived after he was dead, m spite of the opposition he met while he was living. It was common on the steamer for some one to be selected to give a lecture about the distinction of the place we were approach- ing We heard from many sources about Joppa. or Jatta being the place where Simon the tanner lived, and Cook's handbook, that he furnishes any who want it. mentions that Jaffa is the place where Simon the tanner lived. I don't think there was anybody m the cruise who doubted that there was the person named Simon the tanner, mentioned in the New Testament, as having lived in Jaffa I think the chances are immensely m favor ot that man s having lived there. That he should have done so is perfectly reason- able, and there seems to be no reason why anybody would invent such a story had it not had good foundation in fact. I think that there is hardly any doubt that Simon the tanner lived there, and lived bv the seaside as stated in the New Testament. But Cook s cruise book says nothing about that being the place where the whale swallowed Jonah, and in none of the lectures that we heard on the ship did I hear of any man saying anything about Jafta as the place where the whale swallowed Jonah. The fact that the sea gets to be very rough and dangerous there, with no reason that any- body can *ee unless it is some scientist familiar with the facts, may have made the navigators of that clay believe it was a place where miraculous storms occurred, and the story of throwing Jonah over- board, to appease the god that was causing this storm is one that may very naturally have arisen there. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 117 If the story of Jonah and the whale, as given and explained in the Bible, had ever been accepted by any people in that country in any considerable numbers, and of the best standing, it would seem almost certain that tradition would, to this day, show some place on the shore about there, where it would still be understood that the whale vomited up Jonah, and if any such place could now be found and any tradition pointed to it, as the place where Jonah was vomited up, the enterprise of those guides, whose business it is to show the wonders of the place, and especially the places men- tioned in the Bible, would almost certainly lead them to find that place, and excite the admiration of the thousands of Christian pilgrims who go there anxious to see anything that goes to support the Bible story. But I heard no guide allude to any such place, and of the nineteen preachers on the ship I did not hear one make any allusion to the story of Jonah and the whale, and their policy about it seemed to be that the less said about it the better. Where Ninevah, to which Jonah went, was, nobody seemed to know. The Bible says it was an "exceedingly great city of three days journey.". I could get no more information about the story of Jonah and the whale right there on the scene of its alleged occurrence than I could have done in Lexington, before starting. In Jaffa we saw men carrying water in the skins of goats, the common way of carrying water all over the Orient. The skins seem to hold about ten gallons each. On March 4th, about noon we were at the railroad station at Jaffa to take the train for Jerusalem, sixty miles distant. It took two trains to carry us. I think this railroad was built there about ten years ago. The track is quite narrow and the rails light, and the cars are so light that I saw three men pushing one on a level almost as fast as men commonly walk, but they are comfortable and I think they make twelve or fifteen miles an hour. The engines are of the English build and are small with three driving wheels on each side. The road is nicely ballasted with stone. While we were waiting at the station a fight occurred between two Mohammedan big boys. They did not put into it as much vigor as they as they do into a fight in Kentucky. A policeman ran up to them. He had no club but he had a big leather whip and he lashed both of them a few times and then they separated and ran. Some St. Louis girls enjoyed the fight very much. These St. Louis girls and their mother and some gentlemen with them were in a car with me. They seemed, from the diamonds they wore to be very wealthy people. One would imagine that on a tour of this kind knowing that we had gotten within a few hours travel to Jerusalem, all culti- 118 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT vated people, especially Christians, would want to be on the out- look for everything on each side of the road; but the mother, a very intelligent looking lady, fixed herself for a sleep and slept an hour or more and then the party got out a deck and played cards until they got tired of it. The lady who had said in the carriage at Constantinople that she wished she had brought a bottle of whisky, put herself under my care on the train, and was very kind and entertaining and seemed to be a good woman. It is not a safe plan to make up your mind about people just from your first impressions of them. While it sounded very coarse to hear a lady say, under such circum- stances, that she wished she had a bottle of whisky, it showed she was a woman who had the candor to say what she thought and there is always hope for a woman or a man of that kind. I saw a large lot of cross ties for that road that were of iron and suppose they were all iron but the ties were so covered with the ballasting that I cannot remember to have seen them. Olives and grapes and palms and oranges were growing all along on both sides of the road for about half the distance to Jerusalem which is over rich cultivating soil and the trees were as full of oranges as they could hang, all ripe, and of the finest quality. Along the railroad there was a combination of the old and new styles of fencing, partly of cactus and partly of wire. The first point of Biblical interest that we came to was the tomb of the daughter of Dorcas. Docas is mentioned in the New Testament as having been a friend and assistant of Paul, and she seems to have been the founder of church sewing societies that are called Dorcas societies to this clay. Whether that tomb is what it is said to be or not it is a place of importance. The woman who is said to be buried there derives her importance from the fact that she was a daughter of a woman who was a friend of Paul, and the tomb there shows a disposition in the Christians of that country to perpetuate the memory of a woman who was distinguished among them and loved by them. I suppose there is hardly, any doubt that there was such a woman as Dorcas and that she was a friend of Paul who was a champion of the Christian religion. If then those Christians took such pains to preserve the grave of a daughter of Dorcas how does it happen that no pains were taken to preserve the grave of the Virgin Mary, if the Chris- tians of those days regarded her anything like the Christians of these days do. The Virgin Mary, to the whole Catholic church is a name " more sacred now than the name of God or J esus. According to the New Testament she had at least seven children and may "have had that many more, and the brothers of Jesus did DOG FENNEL I^T THE OEIENT 119 not believe there was anything supernatural about him. If his mother thought he was sup ernatur ally born she had either failed to tell her other sons so, or if she did tell them so, they did not believe her. The absence of any tomb of the Virgin Mary, or of any account of her death can "only be reasonably explained on the supposition that she was not even regarded as of as much importance by those who know her, as Dorcas was by the people who knew Dorcas. Along that first half of the route to Jerusalem there was a beautifully cultivated country that had the most nourishing crops of wheat and other small grain, and there were many pretty homes. There were fine sheep and cattle. Some of the towns were strange looking to us, one feature of them being that there was pretty green grass growing all over the tops of the houses. The plowing was nearly all being done by camels, one camel being hitched to each plow, though in some instances a donkey and an ox would be hitched together to plow. We came to the place where Samson is said to have caught the three hundred foxes and tied their tails together with a brand between each pair of foxes and turned them loose in the wheat fields of the Philistines to burn them. I looked at the country and took in the situation the best I could. It seemed to be a splendid place for wheat but did not seem to be a good fox country and I thought that if I had the job of burning the wheat of the Philistines I could have done it sooner and easier by taking a good torch in my own hand than by the plan that Samson used. We came to a number of villages where the houses were all made of sod. Most of them had only one room each. Some were square and some were shaped like a haystack and about as large as a haystack. They had no chimneys but holes in the tops for the smoke to come out of. Sometimes these houses are destroyed by heavy rains. There were many varieties of wild flowers, among them being one variety that many of the party supposed to be what Jesus alluded to as "the lilies of the field." We saw millions of these They were, in appearance, a kind of a combination ot tulip and poppy "and were deep red. Afterward we came to beds of flowers that were not in bloom that were like a combination ot our tulips and lilies of the valley, and others thought those were the lilies of the field to which Jesus alluded. There was, running along by the railroad a nice, level macad- amized road with a telegraph running along the side. We saw Eamleh where Joseph of Arimathea lived. I cannot recall its appearance, but am under the impression that it was a pretty village, and the comitrv around there is fine. It is said that 120 DOG FENNEL IX THE ORIENT Napoleon was once there. Joseph may have lived there and may have had a tomb in Jerusalem where he buried Jesus. I think it quite possible that there was such a man as Joseph of Arimathea, and that he may have been a friend, to Jesus and may have buried Jesus as stated in the New Testament. Of course I cannot tell, from anything I saw while in Palestine, but if my going to Pales- tine has had any influence at all upon my understanding of these matters I think it has tended to make me believe that there was such a man as Joseph of Arimathea and that he was a friend to a man named Jesus. The masonry on the railroad bridges was beautifully done. There was no water in the beds of most of the streams, though from their appearance I would say that at times they were bold streams. The watering tanks for the engines were well constructed. We saw many Turks with big pistols. We saw the valley of Ajalon and Mount G-ilboa where Joshua made the sun and moon stand still. When the guides announced the place, the St. Louis girls looked out of the window and laughed as if they thought it was a good joke, and when they laughed the guide laughed too. All of the guides in the Holy Land are very accommodating in that respect. If they tell a party any of their Bible stories and the party laughs at it. the guide will always laugh too, or he will be serious if the party takes the Bible story to be true. Sometimes some of our party would laugh at a story about some place and some of them would take it seriously and the guide would seem much embarrassed, because he would not know whether to laugh or to look serious, and I always felt sorry for him and helped him out the best I could. That was their way of making a living and their success depended upon their popularity and it was impossible for them to tell what was the popular course to pursue. The guides had a great deal of trouble to tell what to say so as to please their parties when we got to Jerusalem where the Catholics and the Protestants did not agree as to which were the genuine and which the bogus places that were exhibited. There were more Protestants in the company than there were Catholics and the guides knew that, and were inclined to poke some fun at some of the stories about the Catholic places, but this would make the Catholics mad, and they would resent any sort of a joke about their sacred places. Hardlv any of the Protestants would resent any joke about any of it, and of course the infidels would not. A St. Louis man in alluding to Joshua stopping the sun said Joshua was in a hot place and it seemed to him like the sun never would go down. I took a glance at the sun and it seemed to be doing business DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 12X at the same old stand, just like it had done as far back as I could recollect it, but of course that was no proof that it had not pro- ceeded Unusually in Joshua's day. We saw Samson's tomb. It seemed to be built of stone or cement, and was a cube of about twelve feet with a hemispherical dome on it. It was all by itself away up on top of a mountain and looked awfully lonely. He may have requested that he be buried up there not only because he would not have so far to go to get to heaven when resurrection day came, but also because he wanted to get as far away from his wife as possible. In most cases of unpleasantness between a man and his wife I think the man is wrong, but in Samson's family trouble I think his wife was to blame. We noticed that all the women were tatooed — some with blue pigments some with reel and some with both, but I think the blue was the more popular. The designs of the tatooing were generally artistic and did not disfigure them. In fact when the girl was real pretty I enjoyed looking at her tattooing. The Cookies girls sampled nearly everything they saw the women doing in all the places we went, but they drew the line at tattooing. The trouble about tattooing, as a fashion, is that it can't be changed. Oriental fashions never change, they are the same yesterday, today and forever, but the American woman continually hones to ring the changes on style. I am doubtful, therefore, whether the American girl will ever consent to have the pigment put into her face, but I saw a number of our Cookie girls looking at those Palestine girls, with the stars and flowers and cabalistic characters over their faces that looked like they might be verses from the Koran, and, some of these days, some Yankee is going to make him a barrel of money by making a tattooing just like that in Palestine except that there will be a process for taking it off when desired, and the American girl will bloom out with crescents and the "stars and stripes," and national emblems and Maltese crosses and extracts from her favorite poets distributed around over her face to beat the band, or Palestine either, if these Cookie crusades are kept up ; for no plucky Yankee girl is going to let any heathen woman beat her at anything that strikingly calls attention to a pretty face. It had spread all over the country that our large party was coming and the women were out in their best bib and tucker to see us. They have black eyes and black hair and olive complexions — probably because they live on olives — and they are strong and healthy. All this was in the Plains of Sharon, a delightful country to live in. I looked to find any of the famous rose of Sharon 122 DOG- FENNEL IX THE ORIENT but if they Were there, it was probably not time for them to be in bloom. When we are about half way from Jaffa to Jerusalem the country changes from this beautiful lovely plain of Sharon into a wild, mountainous region, where it seems that in one age of the world volcanoes and earthquakes held high carnival and left every thing in a condition of demolition that is certainly interesting to the geologist and admirer of natural scenery, but leaves it a place where hardly anything can live except big. black goats that eat the scattering herbage and men who spend their lives climbing around over these rocks to eat the goat in turn. There is a strange verse in the Bible. Judges 1.19 that says "And the Lord was with Judah: and he drove out the inhabitants of the mountains, but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because thev had chariots of iron/** It is a mighty thin story that the Lord could not whip a man because the man had a chariot of iron. I can easily imgaine how an infidel would take pleasure in reading that verse and laughing at it but I cannot understand how a Christian who is never so happy a- when he is calling God's attention to his own omnipo- tence or almio-htiness. and who reads in the New Testament that "with God all things are possible/5 can then have the cheek to read with any forbearance, that God. with a big army to help him could not clean out an army of Canaanites because thev had "chariots of iron." when there is not a preacher m America who doe* not believe or pretend to believe, that the Lord could clean out the British at Gibralta. before you could bat your eyes, if he wanted ° No • there is an explanation of that phenomenon that is very easy to to a man of common sense who goes to Palestine today and uses his brains. . . I like the Jews of today, thev are among my best inencls -Millions of people can stand adversity to every one that can stand prosperity. The Jew of to-dav who has abandoned the land and the relioion of his ancestors is the finest citizen in our land, but a viler set of thieves and murderers and rapists never lived than the Jew* who claimed that thev came from Egypt where they had been slaves for 100 years, or 130 years, according to the conflicting Bible accounts, under the express direction of God to rob the Canaanites of their country, when the Canaanites were staying at home and attending to their own business and interfering witb nobodv else. The Canaanites" management of the Jews was the most suc- cessful piece of military strategy known to history. DOG FENNEL IS THE OKIENT 123 The Canaanites had found out. that the mountains of Judea were not fit for anything on earth to live in except goats and foxes and the Canaanites were glad to get out of those mountains ; so in their fights to defend themselves against the Jews they let the Jews capture the mountains of Judea and with their "chariots of iron" kept the Jews out of the beautiful plains of Sharon. The result of the "chariot of iron" scheme is that the Jew in Jerusalem today is a miserable old fool, sticking nails in the cracks of the old walls of Jerusalem, and whining and wailing over those old rucks and chanting out a lot of religious rot about the departed glory of Jerusalem, while the Canaanite and his family, all Mohammedans, are as jolly a set as you ever saw, and their pretty girls ready to flirt with the Cookie boys, and to give the Cookie girls pointers on how to get themselves up to be good looking. That little railroad through those mountains is a most ingenious piece of engineering and the way that little railroad is turning the searchlight upon the true inwardness of Jerusalem, so as to show us the rottenness and lies of the whole place, that the Christians have, until recently, been able to keep covered up, is the most damaging thing to the Christian religion that is now transpiring in the world, and the whole world will soon see that what we have been taught was a halo of heaven hanging over Jerusalem, was really only a jack-o'- lantern, ignis fatuus, that rose from the physical and moral corruption and rottenness of the whole infernal town, to-day the most despicable sink of iniquity on the earth. The way that little railroad meanders along the sides of the streams and mountains and bores a tunnel through the mountain when there is no oilier alternative, is interesting to a civil engineer, or to any railroad man, but it gets vthere, Eli, all the same. As we get nearer to Jerusalem some of these hills are terraced so as to have little gardens on theme, but they estimate that it ■costs $900 to terrace a single acre so as to make it available as a garden or farm. An average size garden is about a quarter of au acre. Nothing seems to grow there naturally except olive trees. Jesus said "the foxes have holes," and these holes are there yet hut between the unpleasant tradition about how Samson treated them and the absence of provisions there, I think the foxes have all migrated to some place where the goose crop is better. We saw up on a mountain side, the town of Petrca. The whole town is about as big as a square in an American town, but its Greek name, meaning rock, is very appropriate ; it is all built of stone and built on a rock. The distinction of this place is that it is where Herod the Great killed 800,000 Jews in one day, and history does not say it 124 DOG- FEXXEL IX THE OKIEXT was a very good clay for killing Jews either. If he killed them all in that town and had them all there at once he must have piled dead Jews up as high over the whole town, the houses of which are all one-story, as the ashes covered over Pompeii. Still I do not like to doubt the statements of history, being a historian myself, and especially of history in Palestine, so that it may be possible that as Herod the Great killed all those Jews, their dead bodies rolled down the mountain into the valley below. If any good Christian person objects to the number ox Jews killed there, that day. at Petrea, as having been too large, as a proposition either in mathematics or morals, this story may possibly be reduced so as to gain universal acceptance. A little matter of a million or two in giving an account of the number of: people killed as the result of a difference of opinion upon a religious issue, in any one of those Oriental countries, does not cut much ice. any way. and can easily be adjusted to current demands in statistics. A St. Louis man uuon bearing this statement from the guide said "Good for Hero:"! That St. Louis wan had probably gone up against some Jew in a business transaction, ac <o\\w time, and had gotten the hot end of it. We saw around that place many of those sheep that have the big tails. Why a beaver should have his bio- tail to plaster mud with is plain, and why a kangaroo should have his big tail to use in jumping is plain, and why a frog should not have any tail, because he does not need it to keer> the Hies on: himself, is plain, but as a. naturalist accuse .aned h. the tads worn by sheep in Kentuckv, I cannot see vvhat nature w is trying 10 do when she stuck those enormous tails on tho<e sheep. The argument from design and "the eternal atness i\ 'ch-n^V ha- long been a favorite one "among theologians, and I wwh ^ome r.f them would explain why it is that in a wagging match between a Palestine sheep and his tail, the tail, fully half the time, can wag the sheer. It may though be a teaching from nature, that the political doctrine of reciprocitv is right. It is not a good thing for one side in any issue to be allowed to do all the wagging. May it not be that one of these big tailed Palestine sheep would be a good emblem for the Socialists? We also saw the place where Philip baptized the Ethiopian as recorded in the eighth chapter of Acts. When I was a cleric and believed that the largest possible amount of water should be used in baptizing, and even then doubted its rflicacy unless soap was used with it, I laid great stress upon this story of Philip baptizing that man. or what was left of a man. as showing that Philip souzed the man under, and it knocked me out no little DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 125 when some of the leading men in my own sent admitted in the light of higher criticism, that that whole chapter was an interpola- tion into the New Testament. It is strange on top of all of this that I cannot now recall whether the amount of water at 11ns famous place favored the mode of baptism by sprinkling or by immersion, but I hope to make a theological straddle that will gain me friends from each side, by saying that, so Car as I can now recall, the amount of water there sometimes is enough to drown the Ethiopian and Philip and his chariot horses too, and at other times not more than is necessary to baptize with the least mo iicum of water that is claimed to be essential by the daintiest of sprinklers. If I had been able to steer between every Scylla and Charybdis in theology as I have now done in this instance, I would have made my barrel of money and would, beside, have been a venerated clergyman to this day. About five o'clock in the evening — I use the wocd evening always as we do in Kentucky — we came in sight of Jerusalem, and I thought of Mark Twain's man, "Grimes," who lifted up his eyes and wept when he saw Jerusalem, as they first saw it when Mark went there on a donkey as all had to do in t'hx>e days. I shall never forget "Grimes' " expansive handkerchief and Grimes' attitude as he stood after having gotten off his donkey so as to be able to lift up his eyes, without the donkey's being able to take any advantage of the rider's temporary inattention, and so as to give the tears the fullest and freest opportunity to fall upon the sacred soil, or rather, the sacred rocks. I lifted up my eyes and bi-focals when I first saw Jerusalem, for the town was away up on a hill, but I did not weep. I felt more like weeping after I had sampled that town for a few days. I was greatly surprised by my first view of Jerusalem. I had had intimations of its true inwardness, and had anticipated, as far as any man well can do, without personally seeing it, the real facts in the case of that town. But on my first view of Jerusalem I could hardly believe my own eyes, and determined then and there, to write in this book that the city of Jerusalem had been more defamed and misrepresented than any town on earth, and I determined to skin alive the liars, infidel or Christian, who had so ridiculed the appearance of the town. There was spread out before my eyes, in an enchanting panorama, a large array of most beautiful and clean buildings, all having an up-to- date and luxurious appearance, and it really looked like the "new Jerusalem" that I had heard about all my life. The sequel showed that it really was the "new Jerusalem" lately built, and being outside the walls of the Jerusalem of history and the Bible, and 126 DOG EEXXEL IX THE OEIEXT that I had not seen the real Jerusalem, of David and Solomon and Jesus Christ that was inside the walls. We got in the carriages at the railway station and started up the hill about a half mile to the real Jerusalem of the Bible. We came up to the wall, at one of the great gates near which still stands the tower of David. The gate and walls and tower are, even for this day, formidable looking structures, the tower being occupied as a forteress by the Mohammedan soldiers now, and from the top of it, at six " o'clock, I saw and heard the flash and report of heavy cannon firing as a signal to the soldiery. The tower of David which is probably the strongest one about the city is about fifty feet high and is in good preservation. It is built of large stones and has a ditch around it. the ditch being shallower now than it originally was from its being filled in with refuse and debris for centuries. The preservation of these walls is astonishing. Thev do not seem, however, to be relied on very much by the" Turkish soldiers as a means of defense, because houses are so built up to the walls, on either side, in some places, that an enemv might avail themselves of these houses to scale 1 lie walls. I suppose these walls, as they stand now, are thirty feet high, from the level of the land around them, and that anciently the ditch that is now there was ten or fifteen feet deep and thirty feet wide, so that an enemv would have had to cross this ditcn to get to the walls. I could not tell from the appearance whether or not that ditch had ever been rilled with water. When we got inside the walls there was a great change from the appearance of the town outside the walls. The town outside is occupied bv the missionaries and others who are sent there from all over the " Christian world to Christianize the people of that country. Those missionaries who live in the part of Jerusalem outside of the walls, live in great luxury and elegance, but the town thev are paid to go there and benefit is probably without a single exception the most miserable city in the world. I saw very elegant public institutions that were said to be charitable ones, for the" lepers and those variously afflicted, among the buildings out- ride of the walls. I never went to see any of them, but heard favorable reports of them from Cookies who visited them but if there ever was any more misery in that town, physically and morally, and religiously than it is now, I can't see where they could have stored it away, for certainly now it seems just as full ot all kinds of woes that humanity is heir to, as a sardine can is lull of sardines, or as an egg is of meat, to be Shakespearean. Our carriages disembarked us in a little narrow, rough stone covered street "on which were no foot walks, with ancient looking shops DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 127 and dwellings on either side, and we started on foot to our hotels, the narrow street got still narrower and twisted about in curves and angles, being about eight or ten feet wide, and without any arrangement for lighting and all the time going down a hill. Sometimes the streets would slant and sometimes there would be steps. Sometimes these steps would be like ordinary stair steps all in stone, and sometimes you would come to a step only every ten or twelve feet. The rocks in the streets were slippery, apparently having been worn so by the sand that had stuck to the bare feet of the people who had been walking on those stones ever since old David and Solomon had helped to polish these same rocks with the sand on their feet. I do not know whether or not there ever was a man who lived in Jerusalem who made even a foundation for the story about Jesus Christ, I am rather inclined to think there was some such man, and I think it almost certain that his only clothing was one piece of cloth that was not on familiar terms with any first-class laundry, and that he had hunks of mud between his toes that would have surprised even the Kentucky country school boy of my young days, and sand on his feet that helped to polish some of those very same rocks that we Cookies were sliding over in the dark on the way to our hotels. Finally we came to the first of the two hotels to which we had been assigned, mine being the first one, and called the "Casa Nova," but I think not regarded as so good a hotel as the "Grand," to which other of the Cookies were sent. The entrance to my hotel was simply a door in a wall, that you would hardly have suspected of leading into a hotel. It is called a hospice, and was built probably within the last twenty-five years, and is intended to combine, so it is alleged, the qualities of a hotel and of a charitable institution, it being said that they would give to any pilgrim who came to Jerusalem, without money, entertainment for three days, but if there were any people there who did not have money and plenty of it, except me, I did not see them and I was on the lookout for them. The Casa Nova is built of stone and marble and stucco, and is clean, but from the lack of any kind of arrangement for fire, except a stove gotten up on the "Colonel Mulberry Sellers" plan, with a coal oil lamp in it sliming through a piece of red glass made to look like it was red hot, the whole hotel was so cold and cheerless, in the damp weather that we were there, that keeping warm in that hotel, when out of our beds, could only be done by our so huddling together in the salon, around those "tend-like" stoves that we warmed each other, a scheme that was not so awful 128 DOG FENNEL IX THE OEIEXT "bad for me. for I made it a point never to stop until I got right jam up by some pretty woman, and I so publicly announced that as my plan for keeping warm that a half dozen women at a time would offer me places to sit. The Grand hotel was finer 'externally than ours, and I suppose internally though I did not go into it. The Grand, like the house of Dives, the gentleman who went to hell, is built on both sides of the street and arches over the street, the town being so constructed that when a house wants to get bigger than its neighbors it has to get on both sides of a street and over the street also at the same time. Any shortage in fire, in our hotel was abundantly com- pensated for by the prettiest and coolest looking, long beautiful ^white lace curtains, and white lace lied curtains that I ever saw, the idea of the proprietors seeming to be to show us that it was not true that they did not have fire because they did not have money to burn. 'There were religious frescoes all over the walls .and ceilings in an abundance to gratify the taste of the most pious of any of us, the pictures of Jesus representing him as a curly headed dude in a fancy ball costume just like they do in the -stained glass windows * of the churches in Borne, New York, "Lexington and other cities of such world-wide fame. Our hotel was five stories high. They call a story of a house a -piano."' How they get onto that was too much for me. The •sleeping in Jerusalem is pretty good, but they have a variety of cats there, with flat tails like a squirrel that get into heated theological arguments, along about midnight. Their discussions are conducted in Latin or Arabic, or Hebrew, so that I could not exactly get the run of the argument, but they seem to be given to great prof anity. The stairway leads up on top of the hotel, ;and that was the most pleasant part of the inside Jerusalem that I visited and hell being the nicest part of outside Jerusalem that I visited. The walk on top of that hotel and the view from there made it the most delightful place I saw inside the Avail. Up on the roof the beggars cannot get to you to beg for buksheesh as thev call it in Jerusalem, or baksheesh as they call it in Cairo. I don't wonder that Peter went up on top of the house to pray. If a man would shut his eyes and clasp his hands together, on the street in Jerusalem, long enough to say "Now I lay me down to sleep,*' he would not have anything in his pockets when he got through. No wonder that the injunction was "watch and pray," coming from one who knew those fellows. It's in J erusalem though, just as it is in Kentucky and all Christian countries: the biggest' thieves all move in the finest society. I had long heard of Canaan as a land flowing with milk and DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT i29 honey. I love both and was anxious to sample them Jnmv gomg-on sixty-Slx years I have gone np against the business eMs of some thousands of bees to get honey, including that brand of the artxele made by "humbler" bees. I did not Vd streams o enmXtomrlrrnmg 'h° °f mountains big enough to run a saw mill as my Sunday school instruction had tell whether the milk was from cows or goats, but to any man who had ever fraternized with a William goat in his young dZ there was no doubt as to the maternity of that Jerusa em butter and the Cookies all said that naturaly the Billy goat Zou ft the father of all butters. It was good all the saml I love any kind of milk whether of a cocoanut or the milk of human kind- ness, and I would sample some out of a whale if I had a chance and while the Jerusalem milk, cow or goat or whatever i was' was not up to the Blue Grass product, I did not k ck aboul i t The honey was almost black and did not taste any more like American honey than if the two were no kin, but it was splendid and I enjoyed it immensely. spienaia ffotte?t77ang7ent ?f t?6 itenerapy was such that after having gotten to Jerusalem about sun-down on March 4th we should March th mght Td! ^ immediately after breakfast on fnWst ll a nde rtside °f the «ty to see various points of w ff /r?1 °ne bemg Bethleh«»h about seven miles ot all the Cookies, men and women, to get choice seats and all other advantages m them, though there was room provided for 4 t Tller,f1actitha1t we were m the midst of the scenes of the life ot Jesus Christ who is supposed to have taught the principles of elf-samflce did not seem, at all, to influence those who professed twt ^ f0U1°Wr- t 1 Sot mi' seat UP the driver as was my habit through the tour, partly because I could see better from there, and partly because I did not have to scramble for that but as a general thing I was about as selfish as any of them The 'only two persons m the carriage were two men who rode on the back- seat, naturally The front seat inside was not very comfortable, the tops of all the carriages we used any where' were always turned back and only to be raised in case of rain. The two men in the same carriage with me were C F Sweeny, from Boston, and S. F. Hartman, from Buffalo New York. They were both as ugly as the devil, cross as the gable end ot a wood horse, didn't know anything about the Bible and no great deal about anything else. They were fretting and impatient and damned everybody and everything that did not exactly suit 130 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT them. We had never been thrown together before. Sweeny was an Irishman and had a brogue that was a combination of Boston and Cork. He said he had been a lawyer, but had retired. I did not ask him if he retired because he had made a big lot of money, or because he could not make any at the profession. He was about fifty vears old. He said he knew, in Boston, my college chum, George Abbot James, and knew something of James" brother-in- law, Senator Lodge. Sweeny's very generous use of profane expletives made me ask him if he was a Christian or an infidel. He relented the question quite sternly, and said that he was surprised that any intelligent man would ask another intelligent man such a question. I told him I thought the question a tair one and that it was one that I was willing to answer any time, and to anybody, about myself, and that if he did not think it a proper question not to answer it. and I turned around and resumed my silence beside the driver, who could only talk Arabic Finally Sweeny concluded to answer my question and he said 1 am a Catholic and I am proud of it.- This seems to be a popular formula When I afterward asked a Cookie woman who had been gambling at Monte Carlo about Iter religious views she said • 1 am a Catholic and I am proud of it." Hartman then dipped in his oar. and proved to be an Episcopalian. In a few minutes he and Sweeny -were going at each other like a couple of Kilkenny cats of the Thomas gender. I enioved their quarrel very much, and would only drop m a word or two. occasionally, 'to stir them up again when they seemed to be quieting down a little from exhaustion and m that style we passed about four miles out of the seven that took us to Bethelehem to see where the "Prince of Peace-' was born. Lacn of those two men soon recognized that the other did not know anvthino- about the -Bible, and they both recognized that I did know about it. and they agreed to have me to go with them m all the carriage rides to tell them about things m the Bible, and befor we got to Bethlehem they had both subscribed tor this book and Sweeny, especially, was one of the best friends I had m the whole cruise after that and did all he could to get subscribers for this book and did get quite a number of them. The first place that we came to of any special interest was a pool that they took Solomon to. to wash him, before they annomted im Eng of Isarael. I suppose they washed him in this public lace because they knew he needed it and were not willing to trust im to do it privately. That pool is about 125 feet across and 300 feet long and when in good order was probably ten feet deep, but the walls are now out of repair and it does not hold water well. DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT 131 The pools about J erusalem are not springs, but are made in valleys so that, in rains, water runs down the valleys into them. Just at the lower end of that pool is a modern bridge across the ravine and below that bridge is hell. This is the Valley of Hinnom, called in the Greek New Testament, Gehenna, and that is the word that J esus and his apostles use, in the New Testament, when they allude to the place that Dives went to, and of which Ingersoll said "the climate is bad, but the society is good." The theory of the Christians is that this Gehenna got to be" the name for hell* because anciently, the J ews used it as a dumping ground for dead animals, whose bodies were probably burnt there, but I don't believe the Jews ever burned any dead animals there, because they would not be willing to use their scanty fuel in that way, and would not want to destroy the fragrance of a pile of dead camels and donkeys and flat-tailed cats. Sweeny thought there was another hell after this life, with the best appliances for roasting, and said he hoped there was such a place and that he was willing to take his share of it, if he did not do right, but Hartman did not believe in any hell except the one we saw there, and I made the argument on both sides of the question to keep them quarreling. In any event the particular hell that we saw is now one of the nicest nlaces around Jerusalem. Its average width is about three or four hundred feet and it is about a half mile long. It has nice olive trees and almond trees growing down in it, and some sweet little clean houses and nice and happy looking mothers and children in it. I hate to say anything- that would tend to remove the salutary fear of hell from the minds of my fellow Kentuckians, but if there is anything that a Kentuckian does dote on it is blue grass, and candor, as a faithful historian, compels me to sav that among the occasional spots in the Orient where I saw Kentucky blue grass growing — evidently the same stuff that was first discovered in Kentucky — was that hell near Jerusalem and born and reared and having spent my life on blue grass sod and trained in Christian theology as I have been. I must say that the beautiful fresh green blue grass that I saw growing all over the bottom of hell made it one of the most attractive spots, to me, that I saw.. Sweeny looked at it and said "Ain't that beautiful !" The next place of special interest that we came to was the "well of the star." The whole road though was beautiful, having been made in late years principally for the purpose of taking- visitors to the famous places to which we were going. Wp met long lines of camels, coming into Jerusalem with their loads on their backs, their owners sometimes riding them and some times 139 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT wafting for to this day, the Arab is not fully 'determined in his I™ mind as to winch 'is the harder work walking or riding a camel I sampled some of it and being a pretty good walker I aTrather melined. as between these two modes of locomotion, to ^^SSSSft* well at which the wise men from the Ea wire drinking when they first saw the star that led them to Bethlehem In those days, as now in the United States, the mm-e^^eemed to be general that wrse men jnst naturally com Som the East. Jerusalem then, like Kentucky now. was the "wild and woolly west." n V cube of stone of about two and a half feet has been men to hollow out in it a basin that holds about ten gallons leaving the M jTtti, ti« tad bo, «, ..I m m.oh m oritaroo (tar. .« b. to gather tli i eiae h ^ Cllt that cherry tree down with rocks. George V\ aaim -ion country" m been demolished. It was 3^ a^u fa , ^ Christmas times, rT WrSti. •( (M. i»« old r„o<( fo, . DOG- FENNEL IN THE OR TEXT 133 distinction and it would have been highly improper for some star not to hare done something of this kind and especially in Christmas times. Whether that star was Jupiter or Saturn of Mercury or Venus or some other star in our planetary system, or one of the fixed stars, Syrius or some of those in the Southern Cross that would have been specially appropriate, the Bible does not say, but certainly it was a star, and those who say it was merely a kind of jack-o'-lantern, gotten up for that special occasion, are perverters of the sacred text. Whether those wise men "hitched their wagon to that star/' or merely "hoofed" it, as M. G-rier Kidder inelegantly expressed it, I do not know but that that star acted as described in the New Testament is beyond the highest theological doubt, for the tub that the wise men drank out of is there to this day. It was considerably out of the way for the wise men coming from the East to go by Jerusalem to get to Bethlehem, but the star that was guiding them was, naturally, one of more than ordinary intelligence and appreciated that, sometimes, "the longest way round is the shortest way home/' and they may have gotten a better road going around by Jerusalem than by going straight to Bethelehem. Then we came to Eachel's tomb. The tomb is large enough for a pretty good family residence and there is a family living in it whose job, I suppose, is to take care of the part of the establish- ment occupied by Eachel as a means of paying their rent for the balance of the tomb. They take Eachel as a "boarder for the balance of the house. The part of the family that is living came out to see us and I suppose would, for the usual monetary consideration have sold us scraps of silk left over from the making of Sachet's wed- ding dress. I felt inclined to ask how Eachel was getting along, but I could not talk Arab. Solomon's pools were at the end of our route. They are in a ravine, all three in number, are each about 150 feet by 300, and about ten feet deep, are of fine masonary and hold water to this day. I could not understand why they were built away off there, for there seemed to be no place to which the water could be taken by aqueduct and there was no aqueduct. There is a big building- right by them that looks like a fort or military barracks. I looked at that" building and guessed that its age might range along any- where from 100 years ago back to the days of Solomon. I saw a lot of donkeys and right pretty girls, all loaded with roots from old olive trees for fuel. The girls carried their packs on their heads. Many of the camels were loaded with cauliflower, three or four times as large as any I ever saw in America. Of all the surprising facts in my tour in the Orient the most 134 DOG FENNEL IX THE OBIEXT surprising is that my memory of Bethlehem has gotten so obscured that I cannot clearly recall the place and this is the only place of any such interest of which this is true. it would seem to me that I would have remembered Bethlehem better than almost any place I saw. but while such places as Bethany and Jericho are almost as plain to me. as if I were now looking at them, by some inexplicable slip of a cog in the machinery of my memory, it is almost impossible for me to give any satisfactroy account of Bethlehem. Under these circumstances it 'is one of those interesting coincidences commonly credited to ■'•'Kind Providence*" that when I got to this point in writing this book. I picked up the issue of May 2. 1903. of the '"Boston Investigator " an infidel paper and saw in it the following : "The following extract from a letter written by Rev. John M. Richmond, of" Ivnoxville. Tennessee, to the Journal and Tribune, of that city, who has been traveling in the ffholy land" is not complimentary to the place "made sacred by the presence of the savior of mankind:" " -It was our purpose to go by land through Galilee and Samaria to Jerusalem, but after doing the Galilee part we had a rain lasting for sixty hours, that made going by carriage and even on horseback, through a roadless country, almost impossible, so we returned from Nazareth to Haifa in the ship and so came to Jaffa and Jerusalem. " -, "'This change gave us additional time m Jerusalem ana vicinitv. where there" is much to be seem The weather here as everywhere, except in Galilee, has been most favorable. It would be useless to oiYe our impressions of this strange, old. historic, ^cred but now God-forsaken land, in a letter. It is hard to realize that this land could ever have enjoyed the light of the o-ospel that has so blessed other lands. «■ I can only reconcile the situation by the thought that it is preserved as an example to all nations of the hell— the national hell— that awaits the nations that forget God. - The ignorance, filth, superstition, jealousy, hatred, striie and suffering are appalling. In the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre here . at Jerusalem. Mohammedan soldiers guard day and night to keep the Christian sects from fighting.'" "It is evident that Rev. Mr. Richmond will not sing •'Jerusalem, my happy home,- with as much spiritual fervor as has been his wont." ■ . , Mv daughter-in-law, now living in AA ashmgton and formerly of Knoxville, had asked me if I did not see Rev. Richmond and 1 DOG- FENNEL IX THE ORIENT 135 told her that he was with the Clarks, with whose tour we met fre- quently when we were traveling. So long as I am not able to recall Bethlehem as plainly as I would like to do, I am glad that "another Richmond in the field" came to my assistance. It is strange to me that I cannot, from memory, recall the fact that Mohammedan soldiers were guarding the birthplace of Jesus to keep the Christian from fighting there, as I had not then seen the Mohammedan soldiers guarding one of the two alleged tombs of Jesus, in Jerusalem, to keep the Christians from fighting over it, but I find in my note book that I mention the presence of the Mohammedan soldiers at the olace where Jesus was born. I will tell you here another interesting fact. I think the most effectual way in the world to spoil a good story is to overdo it, and 'since I have come to my own plain and simply, but sweet and happy home in Kentucky, I can hardly realize how miserable things were in Jerusalem, and since I have said the things about Jerusalem that I have said about it up to this point in my book, I got to thinking about what I have said about the place and had almost concluded to mark out many bad things that I have said about the place, because I was afraid I had exaggerated ; but seeing that Rev. Richmond says, just as hard, things about Jerusalem as I have done, I am going to let my statements about the place remain just as I have written them. Fortunately — fortuna favet bonos — the most salient feature about Bethlehem, the actual place of the birth of Jesus, I remember. I recall that after coming back from Solomon's pools, and when we had gotten half way back to Jerusalem we turned orT of the finest main road and turned up a steep rough hill on our right to go to Bethlehem. I remember some place where all the Cookies got out of their carriages and filed up a long flight of stone steps about three feet wide, and I think that was at Bethlehem. I have a clouded memory of lamps hanging by long- chains that I think were in the Church of the Nativity at Bethle- hem, but these are so blended with other lamps in churches and mosques that I cannot separate them. I remember that about that time the old Arab guide who was with us, in trying to designate his particular party — there was one guide for each twenty or twenty-five — said "We will call our party Mr. Moore's party'7 and this appeared to me to have been said by him not only because he was kind to me and wanted to compliment me, but because mv long gray hair and beard made me easily distinguish- able as a leader of a party, and also because the guide saw that I walked fast and kept up with him. and tried to assist him in 136 DOG FEXXEL IX THE OEIEXT keeping order, and also because I could tell to them in English better than he could, the Bible stories of the places .we were seeing. My notes say that there was a chapel there that was used in common by the Greek Catholics. Roman Catholics and Syrians, and it was these there that the Mohammedans had to watch to keep them from fighting. If any of them know any more about the Christian religion than anybody else, at Jerusalem, except the Jews, they are the Syrians. They and the Jews lived there upon the ground where the Christian religion started and knew about it from personal experience, while the Roman Catholics. Greek Catholics and Protestants only know about it through books and priests, as we do. today, in Kentucky. Even the Syrians have as much flubdubbery in their worship as the highest of high church Episcopacy in America, but the Syrians were a much plainer and humbler people than the balance of the gangs there. On some special occasions when the Syrians wanted to get up a big revival and have what the profane calk in Kentucky, a "distracted meeting" they might join in any general melee and kill a. few of the Greek and Roman Catholic brethren, but as a general thing they were not so given to that mode of religious discussion. But the actual hole in the ground in which Jesus was born, or is said to have been born — call it what you will : stable, cave, cauliflower cellar or potato hole — I remember quite vividly. There was a hole in the ground which like many others that we saw of the same kind had evidently been chiseled out of the rock by persons who seemed to have used a mallet and chisel. The .bottom of that hole was about ten feet, measured perpendicularly from the surface of the ground around. The approach to that hole, or what ever you may call it. was down a slant about as steep as ordinary steps, but I cannot recall whether it had any steps or was just an inclined plane. I don't think it was very convenient either for a Cookie or any other breed of donkey to walk down into it, though a Palestine donkey can walk almost any place that a man can. unless it is a steep ladder or tight rope. It did not look like a good place to keep donkeys in and it was not high enough to take a horse in. I saw in Palestine places to put donkeys in that did not cost near so much as that place in Bethlehem and that were much better in many respects, though supposing the place of the 'Xativity'" in Bethlehem to be a stable, it was warmer in winter and cooler in summer than any stable built on top the ground, and was more permanent: in fact almost indestructible, as it is now just like it was when Jesus was born in it. if he was born in it. It was so dark down in there that we could only see with candles. If a Kentucky mule had been down in there, knowing mules DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIEXT 137 as I do, I would not have gone down there without a good lantern, for fear I might have gone up against the business end of that mule and made to "go way back and sit down" in the room on the opposite side of the hall. I am not betting. on the absolute accuracy of the mathematical statistics I am now giving you. but I depose, to the best of my knowledge and belief as follows : That hall was about fifteen feet long, six feet high and four feet wide, measured from the foot of the steps or inclined plane. At the far end of this hall, or three or four feet from its end, on the right as we went in, was a room cut into the wall that ran back about six feet, and was about four feet wide and five feet high. The floor of that room was, I think, about a foot above the floor of the hall. On the opposite side there was a similar kind of a room, about the same size, but I think a little nearer, the entrance to the cyclone cellar, or whatever it was. The one on the left as we went in had in the middle of its floor, a brass, many pointed star, about a foot in diameter, bolted down to the floor. My judgment at once suggested that the brass star was put there to show in which one of the two rooms Jesus was born. I saw nothing of any kind, "manger" cut in the rock or anything else, to indicate that it had ever been used for a stable. It would have been very much cheaper, and more permanent, for those people who knew all about working in stone, and very little about working in wood, and who hardly had any wood to work in, to have made a manger by scooping a place in the stone wall, as they did for almost any purpose, in other places, than to have made a manger out of wood. If there was anvthing there like the manger in which Jesus is said to have been "cradled" I did not see" it, and I suppose if one had been there the guides would have strained a point, if necessary, to show it to us Cookies. But "doctors will differ f even doctors of theology. We had in there with us at one time, two guides who were rivals as to who was managing the party. One of the guides was Ephraim Aboosh. He was a white man and, consequently, like his illustrious namesake, "Ephraim was joined to his idols/' They call it buksheesh in Palestine and "almighty dollar" in America. Ephraim is a subscriber for this book and I am going to do him fair. He is about twenty-five years old and made, to me, the point that he was beto than an Aral) guide because he had been converted to Christianity by Moody. That statement, to me, was the only instance 1 saw in which Ephraim had missed his man. Still I can imagine :h;it a man away off in that outlandish country, where Moody is not *nown like1 we know him in America, might have been converted by 138 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT Moody and not necessarily have been a bad man, but I think that,, as a general thing when you find a man in that country who has- been converted to any of the purely American brands of Christian- ity— among which I do not reckon Roman Catholicism — you may count that he is out for the stuff and that his scheme is to get it out of American Christians who blow in their money more freely — all except me — than anybody else in that country, so common report seems to say. There is one fact about Ephraim Aboosh, however, for which I will give him credit — there is nothing little about me — he was the only guide I saw in Palestine who did not claim to have been the guide of "Marky Twain," as they all call him, but whether as an expression of affection or the only way an Arab can pronounce- the first name of his famous soubriquet I do not know. Ephraim did not claim to have been a guide for "Marky," but it was probably only because he was not born until two or three years after Mark had been there, and as Ephraim was dead stuck on a pretty Cookie girl named Miss Rosenthal, he was not going to say anything that would indicate that he was old enough to have been a guide for Mark Twain. Ephraim said that the room that had the star in it was the one the "wise men7' staid in while they were visiting Joseph and Mary and the young stranger on the other side of the hall, and that the infant Jesus and his parents staid in the room that did not have the star in. Ephraim's idea seemed to be that the star alluded to the star that had come along with the "wise men," and that if it was not the identical star that they had first seen "in the East," that they bad spiked clown to that stone floor to keep it from getting back into the sky again, it was, at least, one mod- eled after that star, and had been put there to show that that was the room in which the wise men staved while visiting the "holy family/' On the other hand the old Arab who claimed that he was the- guide of that party, and that it was "Mr. Moore's party," said that Ephraim Aboosh was a young fellow who did not know anything about it, while he the Arab — I can't spell his name, and you could not pronounce it if I could— said he was an old man and that he and his ancestors knew all about it, from way back, and he said the room that had the star in it, was the one where Jesus was born, and that the star was put there to signify that fact, and that the wise men staid in the room that did not have the star in it. In either case, if there were more than three wise men that slept in either one of those rooms they must have arranged so that they would all turn over at once after they went to bed, and if thew DOG FEXXEL IN THE OEIEXT 139 were as tall as some of those Arabs I saw, their "hoofs" as, Kidder would sav, would have stuck out into the hall, if they had not shortened themselves a little by getting themselves up like spoons or jackknives. Ephraim Aboosh asked me to speak a good word for him m mv book and I am going to do so. He is good looking and I just naturallv have a fellow feeling for that kind of a man. The main trouble about him is, that if you have any good looking girls in your party — and there are always liable to be Kentuckv women in these, parties— Ephraim and the girls will get stuck on each other and he will forget to tell you about the things that you brought him along to tell you about ; but the girls will have more fun out of Ephraim than they would out of the whole balance of Jerusalem. So that if you go to Jerusalem to have a picnic, as four-fifths of the people do, and all tired of sight seeing before they get there, Ephraim is your man ; and he can talk better English than any of them. There ought to be guides there exclusively for the Eoman Catholics and 'then guides for all persons who are not Eoman Catholics. Thev have two sets of exhibits there— places where Jesus was tried and crucified and buried according to the Eoman Catholics and all the other brands of Christians over there, and another set of places where Jesus was tried and crucified and buried according to the Protestants; and the infidels, as far as- the latter take any stock in any of it, agree with the Protestants. When the guide, or guides, were showing us the place where Jesus was born in Bethlehem, I think there were Protestants who smiled almost audibly. I think all Catholics viewed it very solemnly. Ephraim' Aboosh seemed to be worried by trying to please the Catholics and the Protestants at the same time. It cannot be d0ne'The old Arab who was mv friend was a Mohammedan and being a heathen he took all pains to give his accounts as they ap- peared to him and without any discrimination between Catholics and Protestants or Jews, the religions of none of whom he believed in If therefore, you are an American Christian and go to Jeru- salem to get information that will confirm you in what you already believe get Ephraim Aboosh and tell him, in the beginning whether vou are a Protestant or a Catholic, and he will give vou the infor- mation that suits vou, and vou will come back wonderfully built up in the faith. Ephraim is the man for priests and preachers, but Catholic priests and Protestant preachers must not go along to- gether with Ephraim for a guide, and expect him to talk to suit both parties ; it cannot be done. 140 DOG FEISTXEL IX THE OEIEXT If you go to Jerusalem for the purpose of simply finding out the facts about the place, and the country around there, so far as they are known to anybody that lives in Jerusalem, enquire for the old Arab, who guided "Mr. Moore's party" in the Cooks' tour of 1903. There is one place in Bethlehem which, strange to say, I can recall perfectly plainly, while I cannot recall the church of the Na- tivity. It is the place where the Virgin Mary first nursed Jesus; that is. gave him his natural rations of milk. You might suppose, naturally, that that would be in the same place under the ground where Jesus was born, but that seems not to have been the case. The house where he first sucked is some distance from the cyclone cellar in which he was born. Why I can recollect that place any better than other places in Bethelehem I cannot tell. I think I was just tired of looking at churches and mosques and did not look at the church of the Na- tivity enough to remember it. The place where the Virgin Mary first suckled Jesus, though, I recall very plainly. It was being cared for by a woman, and I don't think there was anybody in the place, at that time, except us two. The house, and everything in connection with it, seemed to be perfectly new and clean, and I remarked that fact to the wo- man and asked her how it could be that that new house was the place where the Virgin Mary first nursed Jesus. She said that ten years ago all of that place had been filled witli dirt and that it had all been cleaned out and therefore looked new. If that was true it was the most thorough case of house cleaning that I had ever seen. I did not tell her that she was lying, but that is what I thought. I had recently seen too many old white marble buildings and too many new white marble buildings not to be able to tell the differ- ence between a white marble house nearly 2,000 years old and one not much more than two years old. But that was the most flagrant case of fraud, as I understand it, that I saw in Palestine. If some fairly honest looking man there had told me that some of those old Jews, and especially the women, were the same ones that were walk- ing around Jerusalem 2,000 years ago, and remembered to have seen Jesus Christ crucified I might have believed it, especially as Jesus told one of them, certainly, that he (the Jew) would not die until He (Jesus) came to the earth again, and the tradition of "the wandering Jew" is still all over Christian lands ; but I am not going to believe that that house that that woman showed me, as being the one where the Virgin Mary first nursed Jesus, is at least 1,903 years old. They cleaned it too clean, and will have to put back some of the dirt on it that they took off, before that house can DOG FENNEL IX THE OKIEXT Ml pass as a successful side show for the stable or cave in which Jesus was born. Of all the places in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher m Jeru- salem, that all Christians there, except the handful of Protestants, believe to be the very place where Jesus was' tried and crucified and buried, none would seem to be older than 500 years and some of them probably not more than 200 years, and even that when they seem to be trying to "age" them as fast as possible, like they do whisky in Kentucky. But Bethlehem takes the cake when, in the last ten years, it. opens a brand-splinter new house, as being the place where the Virgin Mary first suckled J esus, and beside this tax on our faith, place that house at a considerable distance from the place in which that first Christmas baby was born. It was Tertul- lian, who said "Credo quia impossible." There is another thing about Bethlehem that I do remember that I almost wish I had for- gotten as its recital as a faithful historian I must make, though, under ordinary circumstances, it is not a proper thing to put into print. The guides showed us a street, from the end of which on the top of a high hill, the guides said we could get a fine view of the country around Bethlehem. The guides did not seem inclined to lead the party out that street and but few of them seemed inclined to go. I always like to go into places that have up the sign "No admittance.*7 That street was about as wide as any of them, and so I started out by myself to go to the end of it, and a number of ladies followed me. We got there and got back, but, for the nonce, we all belonged to the middle-of-the-road party in politics, while our religious slogan was "keep in the middle of the King's high- way." I suppose there is not, in the whole world, any public street in any town that is used as that one is, and that right there where Jesus Christ was born. I saw the place where Judas Iscariot is said to have hung him- self. Great injustice has been done Judas. Jesus Christ selected him out of his whole twelve disciples as the best one to carry the money of the party, when experience has shown, even in Christam circles, that the very hardest kind of a man to find is one who can be trusted with money, and there is no intimation m the N. T. that Judas ever betrayed his trust as the financial agent of the partv Judas, as a faithful follower of Jesus, had reason to believe from the teachings of Jesus, that Jesus could, miraculously, "re- move himself out of the hands" of any who might want to do him harm, so that what is commonly called the "betrayal" of Jesus bv Judas would not result unhappily, at all, to Jesus, but might, in fact, do good by showing to the people, the miraculous power of Jesus. 142 DOG FENNEL IN THE ORIENT It was wrong in Judas to have taken from the Jews money for which Judas must have understood the Jews were not going to get anv "valuable consideration.'* in a commercial sense at least, but that monev was to belong to Jesns and all the twelve alike, and that Judas did not personally want it. at least, one of the sequels shows. • When the "•betrayal." which was simply telling some parties that Jesus was in a certain garden, that we Cookies saw. and where Jesus was supposably not hid. resulted in unlrappiness to Jesus, Judas was so disappointed by the outcome and so distressed that, according to one account he went and hung himself. Certainly that does not look like a conscienceless man. Bad men. as a rule, are frequently glad to get somebody else hung but they are gener- ally verv careful to do all they can to save their own necks. I am not going to tell where these accounts are. in the Bible, because I want to encourage the reading of the Bible : not merely such passages as the clergy select for the people to read, but I want the people to read the Bible in its entirety, starting at the begin- ning and reading it carefully to the end just as anv other important "book should be read. Evidently the early Christain writers had it in for Judas and must have it that Judas came to a bad end. There are among these writers three entirely different ac- counts of how Judas came to his death and all of them are of a peculiarly distressing kind. Two of these accounts are in the canonic New Testament, and one is in the apocryphal New Testa- ment. One of the first two says that Judas came and threw down the money that the Jews had paid him. at the feet of the high priests, and then went and hung himself. The other of these ac- counts says that Judas used that money by buying a field with it. and then fell down and bursted himself open. The third account says that Judas v~as killed by being caught against a gate post by an ox-cart. This third killing, however, does not count among Christains — or among Protestants, at least — for the book in which it is found was rejected from the books read in the Christian churches when the present canon of the X. T. was determined. But that our present canonic X. T. gives two different ac- counts of the death of Judas hardly admits of cavil. The man who. of all the men I ever knew, was the greatest credit to the Christian religion, was Bev. President Bobert Milligan of Ken- tucky University. When, as a young preacher, I went to him to get him to help me out of some difficulties I was having in under- standing the Bible, he explained to me that Judas hung himself DOGr FENNEL IN THE OKIEXT 143 .-and that then "the rope broke/'' and he fell over a precipice, and hursted open. If we assume the inerrancy of the N. T. in the beginning, .and then force harmonies of its apparent discrepancies, that ex- planation, if it can be said to explain, is probably as good as can be made; but if we read the N. T. as we do other books, to determine whether or not it is true by the things that are in it, th,. t explana- tion sounds greatly strained. I am certain that I have the exact idea of President Milligan .and almost his exact words when I say that he said "the rope broke and he (Judas) fell over a precipice and burst asunder in the midst and all his bowels gushed out." I used to wonder before I went to the "Holy Land" whether or not they would show the place where Judas hung himself, and, knowing that President Miliigans explanation of the apparent conflict in the accounts of Judas' death was the generally accepted one, I was anxious to see whether, if the place is still pointed out, there is any precipice there. I saw plainly the place that the guide pointed out as being the place where Judas hung himself and I carefully surveyed the topography of the place. I am almost certain that it was from the hill upon which Bethlehem is that I saw the place where Judas is said to have hung himself. I have unusually good eyesight and frequently astonished the Cookies with my powers of vision. The day on which I saw the place where Judas hung himself was per- fectly clear and bright and there was nothing to interrupt my vision. There was no precipice there or any where near there. Our Kentucky mountains are full of precipices over which one might accidently fall and kill himself. I am familiar with those precipices because I walked much over the Kentucky mountains as my only way of traveling when I was a preacher. The place that is shown as being the one where Judas hung himself is on the side -of a hill or mountain that is not very high, nor very steep, and is a gradual slope. It is so nearly entirely of rock that it seems im- possible that anything but an olive tree could ever have grown there, and olive trees there seem not to grow more than about twenty feet high. There is no indication that there ever was any house or anything else there upon which a man could hang himself except an olive tree, and olive trees are about the size and shape of our apple trees, and I think their limbs are tough and not of the kind that would be liable to break from a man's hanging himself upon one. They would bend before they would break. The topography of the place, then, where Judas is said to have hanged himself, does not at all sustain the explanation that 144 DOG FEXKEL IN" THE OEIEXT President Milligan gave me of the apparent conflict in the two accounts of the manner of the death of Jndas. It is quite possible that there may have been a man there named Jesus and that he may have had a disciple named Judas who ma}7 have done something that resulted in the death of Jesus, but the statement that Judas hung himself as a consequence of his remorse has all the ear-marks of one of the thousands of "pious frauds/' that from the beginning of Christianity up to date have been practiced and written by Christians to sustain their religion. If was at Bethlehem that I saw the picture of John baptizing Jesus, the water being hardly deep enough to . cover the feet of Jesus. We were shown the place where Herod was said to have killed 2,500 baby boys in trying to kill Jesus, and the place where the angel told Joseph to take his wife and child into Egypt, and the field where the shepherds saw the angels when Jesus was born. I would watch the countenances of the Cookies frequently, when the guides would point out these places. The Protestant girls would smile, the Catholic women would look very solemn, the Catholic men accept it without any hesitancy and the Protestant preachers remain noncommittal so far as words went, but I thought their countenances indicated that they did not want anybody to believe that they believed those stories. I saw Catholics express great reverence and worship for these places and heard them speak of what they saw as being confirmatory of the Bible, but I never, saw or heard any Protestant do either of these. We saw the tomb of Jerome, the well of David, and the rock that the prophet Elias lived on. If Elias was duly sober and wide awake he might have staid up on that rock, but if he went to sleep up there he would almost certainly have fallen off. We passed a place where men were working in a quarry and saw that boys about thirteen years old were carrying off, in baskets, on their heads, all the dirt and debris from the quarry, and this we found to be the case at all quarries and excavations that we saw in the Orient, except that in some instances boys and girls both, and working together, would do this. All parties were barefooted. We saw the tomb of Simeon. In one of these places, I forget just where, I saw a large life-sized picture of Cod and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost in the shape of a white pigeon. God had gray hair and a gray beard about a foot long. He was not bald headed, as Hebrew patriarchs generally are, but had a good suit of hair. He looked like he was about my age, sixty-five, and was fairly well DOG- FENNEL IX THE ORIENT l-±5 preserved. I thought, really, though it may sound like flattery— to him or to me, you may judge— that he looked a good deal like me but did not wear spectacles. The style of his dress, however, was quite